So, I figured out how to make a blog over here. Sweet! I used to run a blog a few years back, although I eventually gave up on the idea considering hardly anyone read it. Does anypony here read these things? Anyway... I guess I'll see how this goes.

First off, there is a reason why I'm here. There's kinda something I have to say. It's nothing. Now, before you dismiss this as nonsense, let me explain. I'm not saying that I have nothing to say--what I'm saying is that I have a lot to say about nothing. How else can I put it? Nothing is happening. Life is boring, dull, and all sorts of monotonous.

The question remains: what do I do?

It's two in the morning, right now. I can't sleep. I have terrible insomnia. I really can't do much but sit around on the computer, as exciting as that is. This wouldn't normally be a problem, as I very much enjoy my quiet time to myself. However, I have no job. I have no one to talk to or go visit during the day, and at night, everypony is asleep. To get the gist of it, I'm pretty much alone all day long, and I have to somehow find ways to entertain myself.

Earlier this week, I was working on a project for school. But that's done now. My summer class is nearing its end. I'm free, and as I sit here on my lazy ass and bask in the glory of my triumph... I'm a little bored, honestly. I have no sense of accomplishment, and no feeling of pride. The only thing I really feel right now is this notion of "what now?"

Naturally, I look back to my past summers. Every year of my life, I've had nothing to do over the summer. How did I deal with it back then? Is there something that I've forgotten? Is there some part of myself that I've lost... or something? What's going on, here? Why don't I have the same internal passions that I once had as a kid and as a teen?

As I look back, the summer of 2013 was the worst, by far. Hell, I'd say the entire year of 2013 was the worst time of my life. That was the summer I hit a major low point, and I've been struggling to find some sense of placidity ever since. I took up writing as a new hobby to help myself get through those days. It almost seems as if I died that year--the person I am now is but a shadow of who I once was.

The summer of 2012 was better, although still not that great. I remember being really nervous, and being sick to my stomach most of the time. That was the summer after I had graduated high school, and I was unsure about how I would manage in college. Sure enough, I did overcome that anxiety. It wasn't exactly pleasant at the time, though. Back then, I remember spending most of the nights reading fanfictions or posting on forums. I had made a few close friends, and that helped keep me sane.

One of said friends also detracted from my sanity, but that's a story for some other time.

Anyway, before that was 2011, the summer I first started posting on forums. Those were some of the best times of my life, right there. That was also the summer I had created my last blog. I spent most of my nights thinking up ideas, relaxing while listening to music in the dark, or just generally screwing around. I was a lot happier back then, and I was also much more carefree. I seriously had not a single worry in the world--I had my own life, and I was happy with it.

The summer of 2010 was even better than that. That was the year I learned to drive. I also remember that as the year that I played MAG. If you've never played it, I have to say you missed out. It was one of the greatest video games I've ever played, with 128 v 128 player battles. I never got bored of it. From dawn until dusk, I spent all my time on that game and I enjoyed every second of it.

All of my summers before that consisted of me playing video games. Occasionally, like maybe once a week, I'd go to the beach or go swimming at the local pool. Yet, that was where it ended. I really haven't lived that exciting of a life.

What's weird is that I don't look back at my earlier days with remorse. I enjoyed my past immensely, even if all I did was stay inside all day. I had video games to play, books to read, Lego's to build, and things to draw and design. I always had something to do, and my lack of a broad social life never brought me down.

But now, though, none of that means much to me anymore. I can't just sit my ass here and be happy. I have this strange desire to go outside and talk to people, and honestly... I have no idea how to do that. I want to make friends and be introduced to new things, but it's not so simple. Most people don't seem to want to talk, and of the few that do, I don't have much in common with them.

I've always been an oddball, most of my life. I know this. It's nothing unusual. But only now... or since 2013, more accurately, it's been starting to bother me. I don't like myself so much anymore, and I don't want to be me anymore. I want to be a normal person with a normal life. And I'm not sure why. In the past I used to hold my weirdness dearly and embrace my inner, nerdy eccentricity.

Everything that I used to enjoy has started to become so meaningless to me. It's all empty. I don't care much about the internet or video games anymore. I don't even care much about writing. I'd go somewhere, but I don't know where to go. A few days in the past year I've just gone for a drive around the city, just to give myself something to do.

It's like I've fallen into some sort of trap, and I'm not sure of how I can get out of it. My gut instinct is telling me that I need more friends, but I know better than to go looking. Good friends are hard to find--it's not so simple as going outside. I can't just strike up random conversations with people, even if I was comfortable doing that.

I've always had a hard time finding people who understand me, but in the past it's always been natural when it's happened. My closest friends were always the ones that I never had to force. They were always people I was naturally comfortable around, who I could get along with easily. I could've talked to them about anything without it ever seeming weird.

Nowadays, anytime I talk to anyone about anything, it seems weird. It's always weird. The funny thing is, I'm not sure why. Have I become so asocial to the point where I forgot how interpersonal communication works? Sure, that seems stereotypical enough of the nerdy computer tech guy. But really, is there something else at work, here? Is it because I'm now on the level of an adult, and adult interactions are far more complex?

Who freaking knows. I've never asked for much in life, I know that for sure. But yet, when I say that I need people in my life who understand me, why does it seem like I'm asking for something as impossible as chocolate rain? Just give me something to do. Anything, really. I don't even care about doing things anymore; I just want to be around people.

God, this is weird. I never thought I'd say such a thing... but times have changed, and so have I.

What's worse is that I don't really want to be around people. I think what I really want is to be able to talk about all this stuff. Being around people doesn't do me much good if I can't just say what's on my mind. Unfortunately, I have a lot of negative thoughts, or at least these weird thoughts about nothing like this. There's very little I have to say that's actually appropriate for conversation in the typical, conventional sense.

So yep, that's really what I want. I want to complain and ramble on about nothing. I want someone to sit their ass down and listen to it all, so that I can give myself the impression that I'm important and what I have to say is meaningful no matter how nonsensical it is. You see? I feel better already.

Well... sorta.