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Reasons why having first love experiences at a late age sucks


RainbowMau

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(edited)

 

When it comes to young love, it's really a double-edged sword. I've met with young people who were on the verge of suicide because of a past relationship having gotten broken up (I am in no way whatsoever implying it's shameful). Point is, it works both ways. If anything, be happy you didn't get into a traumatizing relationship while in such a vulnerable moment of your life because that could have dealt much more damage than what you are experiencing now.

 

 

Happy? I'm the one who sometimes have thought in commiting suicide because of my situation, I don't know how I've not done it.

Edited by RainbowMau
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Happy? I'm the one who sometimes have thought in commiting suicide because of my situation, I don't know how I've not done it.

You might be the only person that's right for a certain someone you don't know of. Killing yourself would leave that person single all their life.

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You might be the only person that's right for a certain someone you don't know of. Killing yourself would leave that person single all their life.

 

You're talking as if she existed.

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(edited)

It does hurt, but sadly this is, what we are like. Many people say that they "will never fall in love again" but they are just lying to themselves. I was in love already, more than one time, but I had bad luck so far and I know too well how painful it can be. Even now after all of this I still can't say I can stand being left by person that I love. 

I have been on this path of not finding another and I have stuck with it still.  :huh:

You might be the only person that's right for a certain someone you don't know of. Killing yourself would leave that person single all their life.

The "there is always someone for you" is bullcrap. It's something to make others feel better when they know the person doesn't have a likely chance. If everyone had a special someone, evolution wouldn't be occurring.

Edited by BronyPony
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The "there is always someone for you" is bullcrap. It's something to make others feel better when they know the person doesn't have a likely chance. If everyone had a special someone, evolution wouldn't be occurring.

Yeah, I know. I also hate when people say "there's plenty of fish in the sea". There really isn't any means of reassuring someone that they'll have someone special in the future until they see him/her for themselves. It's how I always felt.

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The thing is, at a young age, we tend to jump around. We really don't grasp the "true love" effect, because in the early days, it was just all about having a girl just so you could look good and be popular. But I believe, that waiting for the perfect girl for you, is the best thing to do. No matter how long it takes, you can still make experiences like both of you were children or teenagers. 

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The "there is always someone for you" is bullcrap. It's something to make others feel better when they know the person doesn't have a likely chance. If everyone had a special someone, evolution wouldn't be occurring.

 

Well, in general the odds do favor at least one good shot at finding a mate ... and keeping them is a WHOLE different matter. Sadly you are right that not everyone will die having known a relationship and others will have several (some unfulfilling failures).

 

RM I gave you my views in another thread so I won't rehash them here, but I do disagree with the premise of the topic title. For some your reasons would make sense. For other's they don't. They don't for me. Then again ... I married early and had kids early.

 

*shrugs*

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Well, in general the odds do favor at least one good shot at finding a mate ... and keeping them is a WHOLE different matter. Sadly you are right that not everyone will die having known a relationship and others will have several (some unfulfilling failures).

 

RM I gave you my views in another thread so I won't rehash them here, but I do disagree with the premise of the topic title. For some your reasons would make sense. For other's they don't. They don't for me. Then again ... I married early and had kids early.

 

*shrugs*

Well, don't brag to us guys who haven't found one or who will never find one.  :eww:  :derp:

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Well, don't brag to us guys who haven't found one or who will never find one. :eww::derp:

To your point though ... It was a complete and utter freak of nature moment that started the relationship. If not for that instant in time ... I would likely still be single.

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Happy? I'm the one who sometimes have thought in commiting suicide because of my situation, I don't know how I've not done it.

What I was trying to say is that if you did end up in a relationship at a young age like you would have wanted, anything that could go wrong in relationships would've hurt that much more. More than the hurt you're experiencing now.

 

What's obvious is that you have these ideas that make you feel as though you are missing out and excluded from everyone else -- ideas and feelings that they themselves seem to be reinforcing. Inclusion -- not exclusion (which tends to feel shameful) -- and companionship are important for sure and it seems like your family and your friends have failed you. If I were in your position, I would give up on them and start looking elsewhere.

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I agree with the sentiment in this thread, for other reasons (on top of the mentioned ones).

 

One of the reasons I think having relationships in your formative years is beneficial is because it teaches you how to have healthy dependence on others. Contrary to popular opinion, YES, there is such a thing as being too independent of a person. If you're too independent of a person it causes you to put up walls around your own heart, it teaches you to carry only your own (emotional) weight and yours alone, and it keeps you from letting others in in a healthy way.

 

Healthy, well adjusted people depend on others in a healthy way. We're social creatures after all, and being a social creature involves a certain level of dependence and vulnerability. Over independence makes you shut yourself out from others.

 

This is a problem I have. I grew up relatively alone (no siblings, no romantic partner, few friends, etc), and I basically had to teach myself to carry my own life totally by myself, because so few people were there to help me carry it. And today I've got caught so much in that mindset that now when I try to let others in, I just can't. I end up being emotionally distant and unable to form deep connections with people I try to form those connections with.

 

TL;DR - Going so long without love makes you too independent to let others in.

 

And if anyone has any ideas how I can break those walls around my heart down, please say them.

Edited by ~Master~ Button Mash
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- I'll never experience young love, by the opposite I forcedly have to start by going through those horrible adult relationships

Forcedly?  You don't have to date if you don't want to. 

 

- No more young-looking crushes, I'm not allowed to that anymore, my first GF will look like a mature woman

So?  I don't see how that would matter at all unless you like little kids... 

 

- Dating a girl (or should I call her a WOMAN?) is like dating my mother, and I bet a girl who thinks like me thinks the same about guys

Whoa whoa, wait, what? How is that like dating your mother unless you're dating someone twice your age? Girls don't automatically turn into mothers when they turn into adults.

 

- Brain fully developed, that means no emotions when in love

Is your brain fully developed?  Do you still experience emotions?  Because I'm an adult girl and I sure experience emotions still.  :huh: 

 

- No more sweated hands and no more butterflies in stomach, those years are over and I didn't experience them

I get those still.  It's called being nervous, and it's a human emotion, not an age-related one.

 

- People won't see my GF as it but as a WIFE

Why?  lol

 

- No more dates to cons

Do YOU like going to cons?  If you don't, then so what?  If you do, then why do you think a girl your age wouldn't?

 

- No more passing papers to tell her I love her

I don't know anyone who ever did that.  But you could do that still, I guess.  Or you could do even more fun and elaborate things, like hiding little love notes around the house or whatever.  It'd be like note passing and surprises all wrapped up in one.

 

- No more innocent love, it's all about disgusting sex

I think you have this mixed up.  Teens only want sex.  Adults are usually out of the hormone phase and actually look for real love, shared interests, someone they have fun with, etc.

 

- Money, cars, carreer are more priority than feelings in adult stupity

Well, when you're around 30, you really should be able to support yourself instead of living with your parents, you know?  

But to give you some hope, my dad is like 40 and he dates ladies and he does not have a job or a car or money.  And he's not good looking  :ph34r: 

 

- Maturity, that fucks up everything

I don't know a whole lot of mature adults.  But I like maturity.  Keeps drama away.

And for my 20 characters down here, I'd like to write a brief summary of what I think of what you have said so far:  :eww:

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(edited)

- I'll never experience young love, by the opposite I forcedly have to start by going through those horrible adult relationships

Forcedly?  You don't have to date if you don't want to. 

 

- No more young-looking crushes, I'm not allowed to that anymore, my first GF will look like a mature woman

So?  I don't see how that would matter at all unless you like little kids... 

 

- Dating a girl (or should I call her a WOMAN?) is like dating my mother, and I bet a girl who thinks like me thinks the same about guys

Whoa whoa, wait, what? How is that like dating your mother unless you're dating someone twice your age? Girls don't automatically turn into mothers when they turn into adults.

 

- Brain fully developed, that means no emotions when in love

Is your brain fully developed?  Do you still experience emotions?  Because I'm an adult girl and I sure experience emotions still.  :huh: 

 

- No more sweated hands and no more butterflies in stomach, those years are over and I didn't experience them

I get those still.  It's called being nervous, and it's a human emotion, not an age-related one.

 

- People won't see my GF as it but as a WIFE

Why?  lol

 

- No more dates to cons

Do YOU like going to cons?  If you don't, then so what?  If you do, then why do you think a girl your age wouldn't?

 

- No more passing papers to tell her I love her

I don't know anyone who ever did that.  But you could do that still, I guess.  Or you could do even more fun and elaborate things, like hiding little love notes around the house or whatever.  It'd be like note passing and surprises all wrapped up in one.

 

- No more innocent love, it's all about disgusting sex

I think you have this mixed up.  Teens only want sex.  Adults are usually out of the hormone phase and actually look for real love, shared interests, someone they have fun with, etc.

 

- Money, cars, carreer are more priority than feelings in adult stupity

Well, when you're around 30, you really should be able to support yourself instead of living with your parents, you know?  

But to give you some hope, my dad is like 40 and he dates ladies and he does not have a job or a car or money.  And he's not good looking  :ph34r: 

 

- Maturity, that fucks up everything

I don't know a whole lot of mature adults.  But I like maturity.  Keeps drama away.

 

1. You don't get it, obviously.

2. What I'll say in 3.

3. People this age start looking like middle aged and acting like my parents.

4. I'm over 25, did you know that brain fully develops at 25?

5. But I've seen no one my age passing through that.

6. My mother was once mistaken by my wife, do you have an idea?

7. No one I know from my age likes to, they think that's childish and don't want to go to them.

8. Where? I'd like to know!

9. Then why does everyone say sex is important at this age?

10. I'm not answering this one.

11. Good for you if you like it, but I hate it, it closes minds, limits everyone to do certain things and easily tired and thing having fun is a waste of time, and I can tell you because I'm everyday sorrounded by people who are more mature than a rotten fruit.

Edited by RainbowMau
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Eh Young love is over rated and just because a brain is fully developed doesnt mean women turn into emotionless robots. 

 

Young love is dumb IMHO i had my fair share of "girls" as girls friends and trust me the one time i dated a Woman it was a refreshing change. No real mind games, she understood boundaries and knew i had to have time for myself and my other friends. 

 

And the way you described stuff makes it seem like young love was the only time to do anything that meeting and falling for someone older is a simple inevitability and that it cant be fun.

 

and last note Sex is fun, feels good, is a great work out and is FUUUN. :P 

 

anyway chin up my good man even at later ages people find happiness and joy but without all the teen drama BS that comes with young love it is true unadulterated affection at that point.

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1. You don't get it, obviously.

No, I don't.  Please explain.

 

2. What I'll say in 3.

3. People this age start looking like middle aged and acting like my parents.

What's wrong with that?  Even if you were with someone when you were younger, they'd end up growing up by now.  If looks are the only thing that matters to you, I don't think you're ready for a relationship.

 

4. I'm over 25, did you know that brain fully develops at 25?

You didn't answer my other questions.  

The only thing the brain is still developing up till 25 is the part that stops you from risky behavior and thinking skills (like not drinking and driving or setting yourself on fire for fun).  None of that has anything to do with emotions.  

 

5. But I've seen no one my age passing through that.

It's not something you see.  It's a feeling, and people don't usually talk about their feelings like that.

 

6. My mother was once mistaken by my wife, do you have an idea?

I have no idea why your mom was mistaken for your wife, but I don't see what that has to do with girls 20ish years younger than her.

 

7. No one I know from my age likes to, they think that's childish and don't want to go to them.

Not many people at all like it.  It's a specialized interest, and that's what forums like these are for, to find people with similar interests.  I'm an adult, and I'd love to go to con if someone offered to take me.

 

8. Where? I'd like to know!

where what?  

 

9. Then why does everyone say sex is important at this age?

It's important to keep your relationship fun.  If you've been with someone for many years, and you suddenly stop doing things that you used to do (like sex for example, but that's not the only thing), then you start to drift apart.  It's mostly a thing for people who've been together a long time and are losing interest in each other.  Some people like it, some don't.  Just have to find someone who wants what you want.  I'm not sure if you've ever done anything or not, and I'm not asking, but if you haven't, you really don't know if you like it or not.  It's always good to try new things.

 

11. Good for you if you like it, but I hate it, it closes minds, limits everyone to do certain things and easily tired and thing having fun is a waste of time, and I can tell you because I'm everyday sorrounded by people who are more mature than a rotten fruit.

Maturity is not about being close-minded and boring.  It's about knowing that there's a time for fun, but to not let it control your life to the point where you're going to end up in debt or homeless or hurting other people or yourself.  The people you're talking about are probably just boring people.

I really hope you're thinking about what I'm saying.  I think you're around too many people that clash with your personality.  You should try expanding your social circle to include people with similar interests.  Maybe try going to cons or something and find people your age there, and you can see that not everyone is like that.  

Edited by ScumCandy
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I really hope you're thinking about what I'm saying.  I think you're around too many people that clash with your personality.  You should try expanding your social circle to include people with similar interests.  Maybe try going to cons or something and find people your age there, and you can see that not everyone is like that.  

 

Sadly there's a problem, I've been trying to meet new people, I've been taking pic to cosplayers, I've been tagging their pics in Facebook, I've been trying to get closer to them, but I've failed, the ones I already know don't seem to want me to be closer to them, some of them say they don't know me even after 5 years of friendship, and the new ones I try to talk to ignore me.

 

I'll think if I'll answer your replies in purple up there later.

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Sadly there's a problem, I've been trying to meet new people, I've been taking pic to cosplayers, I've been tagging their pics in Facebook, I've been trying to get closer to them, but I've failed, the ones I already know don't seem to want me to be closer to them, some of them say they don't know me even after 5 years of friendship, and the new ones I try to talk to ignore me.

 

I'll think if I'll answer your replies in purple up there later.

Online interaction is really just peaking threw the door. If you want to find a real connection with someone try going out. Look online for any Cons that are in your area or local hang outs for people with your interests. Start frequenting these places and meeting the others who do. Instantly you have a common interest in the place and you build off that. Its a great way to make new friends as well as maybe find a love interest or yes even a crush adults can have them.

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I'll start off by saying I'll be 25 in Dec.

Besides my fiance ( who I met a year and some odd ago) I've only had one other boyfriend(back in high school). Sure there were some cute little things me and my ex did (although most were initiated by me) but I'm way more happy with my fiance. We both do cute romantic-y type stuffs for each other. Dates cost  money so even with my ex , lack of funds could hinder that. So that's not really just an adult problem. It's not always about the amount  of money , it's more important to manage it well. My fiance proposed to me at an anime convention and we're hoping to have the money to go to a pony convention in October. So conventions are a go for any age you just gotta find a similar interest convention.  I dunno I would say late 20's-30's women can still look nice. Most women don't get till a little bit later I would think. It's not like you outgrow bubbly happy feelings of love when you get older.

Edited by Lady Leopardess
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(edited)
1. You don't get it, obviously. No, I don't. Please explain. 2. What I'll say in 3. 3. People this age start looking like middle aged and acting like my parents. What's wrong with that? Even if you were with someone when you were younger, they'd end up growing up by now. If looks are the only thing that matters to you, I don't think you're ready for a relationship. 4. I'm over 25, did you know that brain fully develops at 25? You didn't answer my other questions. The only thing the brain is still developing up till 25 is the part that stops you from risky behavior and thinking skills (like not drinking and driving or setting yourself on fire for fun). None of that has anything to do with emotions. 5. But I've seen no one my age passing through that. It's not something you see. It's a feeling, and people don't usually talk about their feelings like that. 6. My mother was once mistaken by my wife, do you have an idea? I have no idea why your mom was mistaken for your wife, but I don't see what that has to do with girls 20ish years younger than her. 7. No one I know from my age likes to, they think that's childish and don't want to go to them. Not many people at all like it. It's a specialized interest, and that's what forums like these are for, to find people with similar interests. I'm an adult, and I'd love to go to con if someone offered to take me. 8. Where? I'd like to know! where what? 9. Then why does everyone say sex is important at this age? It's important to keep your relationship fun. If you've been with someone for many years, and you suddenly stop doing things that you used to do (like sex for example, but that's not the only thing), then you start to drift apart. It's mostly a thing for people who've been together a long time and are losing interest in each other. Some people like it, some don't. Just have to find someone who wants what you want. I'm not sure if you've ever done anything or not, and I'm not asking, but if you haven't, you really don't know if you like it or not. It's always good to try new things. 11. Good for you if you like it, but I hate it, it closes minds, limits everyone to do certain things and easily tired and thing having fun is a waste of time, and I can tell you because I'm everyday sorrounded by people who are more mature than a rotten fruit. Maturity is not about being close-minded and boring. It's about knowing that there's a time for fun, but to not let it control your life to the point where you're going to end up in debt or homeless or hurting other people or yourself. The people you're talking about are probably just boring people.

 

1. I guess @@~Master~ Button Mash, @@Digit and @@Lady Leopardess's replies can tell you a lot, I'm not in good mood to say it.

2/3. But they at least had the chance to enjoy being young and love someone who had a nice young face and youth energies, I don't and I'll never do.

4. What question didn't I answer? The only women I've danced with iwere my aunts and teachers, and the only woman I've holded hands and hung out with is my mother, and what is waiting for me in my first relationship is practically the same, do you have any idea on how terrible is that?

5. I've read a lot of internet testimonies and no one was about a person my age who had those emotions, all of them were from high school sweethearts while people from the "A-word" were too mature that they didn't seem to be as excited, nervous and anxious as if they were younger.

6. Cause I wastogether with her at a mall, otherwise I don't know.

7. If you knew my sisters and the few girls who sorround me you'd know what I mean.

8. Where did you do that love letters thing? I'm not in school, I'm not at uni, and I don't think that's possible in the last one sice people are too mature that see that inappropiate for their ages.

9. What about girls (or should I call them WOMEN?) who want to be mothers? Their biological clocks are in their final countdown, you need sex to procreate, and if someone wants a baby that's a big pressure,

11. So? What's the difference?

Edited by RainbowMau
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1. I guess @@~Master~ Button Mash, @@Digit and @@Lady Leopardess's replies can tell you a lot, I'm not in good mood to say it.

Im not really sure what you mean here, but ok.

 

2/3. But they at least had the chance to enjoy being young and love someone who had a nice young face and youth energies, I don't and I'll never do.

This sounds kinda shallow, but hey I wont read a book without a good looking cover, but in defense...why would you want to date someone who still looks like a teenager, Girls are pretty, women are gorgeous. 

 

4. What question didn't I answer? The only women I've danced with i were my aunts and teachers, and the only woman I've helded hands and hung out with is my mother, and what is waiting for me in my first relationship is practically the same, do you have any idea on how terrible is that?

Sir, I think you have a complete misconception of the Diffrence in feeling between being with your mom and being with a partner.

 

5. I've read a lot of internet testimonies and no one was about a person my age who had those emotions, all of them were from high school sweethearts while people from the "A-word" were too mature that they didn't seem to be as excited, nervous and anxious as if they were younger.

Now did you specifically Google "Not as excited about relationship as I was in High school?" People mature and become more comfortable with themselves in such they become more confidant in approaching people. There is a massive difference in picking a someone up in a bar and actually seeing someone who makes your mind race.

 

6. Cause I was together with her at a mall, otherwise I don't know.

I dont know about this, but i know if your mom looks young enough to be a 28 year olds wife then i think she should see it as a compliment.

 

7. If you knew my sisters and the few girls who surround me you'd know what I mean.

Sounds like you allow peoples opinions of cons keep you from going. My brother is a Macho Bro and plays Halo and Call of Duty only and makes fun of me for enjoying anime, but i still slap on a cos-play and walk out like a baus.

 

8. Where did you do that love letters thing? I'm not in school, I'm not at uni, and I don't think that's possible in the last one since people are too mature that see that inappropriate for their ages.

You Dont have to be in school to do romantic things. As a matter of fact school limits what you can do. I think you might be mistaking what Hollywood shows because most of that in those High school and Collage movies is not whats its really like.

 

9. What about girls (or should I call them WOMEN?) who want to be mothers? Their biological clocks are in their final countdown, you need sex to procreate, and if someone wants a baby that's a big pressure,

1. Menopause doesn't usually start till early to mid 50's and 2. There are women out there who arnt ready for that. Not every single one of them wants to get knocked up and settle down at 30

 

11. So? What's the difference?

If you see being mature as being boring then i don't know what to tell you. I've always seen it as there is a time and place for everything and knowing those times and places is important

In the end good sir after reading your other posts you seem to be Connecting everything to Looks and High School romances. Just because a Woman is older does not make her your mom. 99.9% of the time they don't want to be your mom and trust me there is a big difference in how you feel towards a Girl Friend than you do towards your mom. And trust me you missed nothing for high school experiences they were stupid and most of them don't last.

 

I don't know what else to say at this point. 

 

She is 30

post-25968-0-45485700-1407349132_thumb.jpg

Edited by Digit
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(edited)

And trust me you missed nothing for high school experiences they were stupid and most of them don't last.

 

I'd give an arm for a 5-minute relationship!

 

 

She doesn't look bad to me, surprisingly she has no wrinkles, however chubbier cheeks would be more OK for me. However someone her age is still older than me.

Edited by RainbowMau
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I'd give an arm for a 5-minute relationship!

To this then i say beggars cant be choosers. If you want a relationship and you wont settle for anything less than someone who looks 20 and acts 20 but don't have the confidence to go get said 20 year old than you are writing a book without a plot sir.

 

She doesn't look bad to me, surprisingly she has no wrinkles, however chubbier cheeks would be more OK for me. However someone her age is still older than me.

30 is not 70 and its not surprising you don't just hit 30 and become decrepit, i knew an 86 year old who looked no older than 50, if your looking for a woman younger than you there are people under the age of 28. 

Look im sorry if this seems harsh but you need to be realistic. Your asking for a young girl i'm guessing you would be hoping for 18-22 who is gorgeous and will allow you to feel a romance a keened to a high school thing. That isnt going to happen. And trust me when I say this its not something to be upset that you missed out on. Grown women are so much better than girls. Trust me I live in portland the weirdest city in USA and ive dated some girls that when i look back on it i just think god was i stupid. I have a scar running up my thigh because a girl i dated when i was 21 thought i was cheating on her because a friend A GUY FRIEND who SHE KNEW sent me a rather homoerotic joke and she stabbed me in the leg. Im now dating a beautiful women who is my age she gives me my space we have fun together and its just so much simpler. She understands i have friends who are widely inappropriate and she is mature enough to understand they are joking.

 

Your 28 and it sound like you think the moment you hit 30 you turn into the crypt keeper. I wish you luck in your journey to find someone.

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2/3. But they at least had the chance to enjoy being young and love someone who had a nice young face and youth energies, I don't and I'll never do.

I'm really not seeing why this matters.  It's actually kind of insulting.  People don't get ugly over time, they just change.  "Younger" faces, i don't know how much younger you're talking, are because their bodies are still children.  Why do you want to be with an undeveloped person so bad?  Not everyone suddenly looks 40 years old after they turn 18.  I know 30+ year olds that are still as pretty as when they were in their 20's.

 

4. What question didn't I answer? The only women I've danced with iwere my aunts and teachers, and the only woman I've holded hands and hung out with is my mother, and what is waiting for me in my first relationship is practically the same, do you have any idea on how terrible is that?

I was asking if you still feel emotions.  You say women don't feel, but if you feel, then why wouldn't a woman feel as well?

I have never danced with anyone.  And I don't see what you're getting at with the hands thing.  How is holding the hand of a girl your age the same as holding your mom's hand?

 

5. I've read a lot of internet testimonies and no one was about a person my age who had those emotions, all of them were from high school sweethearts while people from the "A-word" were too mature that they didn't seem to be as excited, nervous and anxious as if they were younger.

You shouldn't let other peoples' problems make you fear things in your own life.  They probably just haven't found someone they really like.  And those feelings are usually from being nervous around the person, and not knowing what you're doing.  When you're young, it's awkward and you have know idea what you're doing with the other person.  If you've never been with anyone, you will probably still get to have those feelings for your first lady.  You just need to stop overthinking things like this, or you'll only get more pessimistic about it.

 

8. Where did you do that love letters thing? I'm not in school, I'm not at uni, and I don't think that's possible in the last one sice people are too mature that see that inappropiate for their ages.

It's not inappropriate.  It's sweet.  I send little drawings and notes to guys, and they send them back to me, and it's just fun and cute.  Adults don't just stop having fun.  XD I promise.

 

9. What about girls (or should I call them WOMEN?) who want to be mothers? Their biological clocks are in their final countdown, you need sex to procreate, and if someone wants a baby that's a big pressure,

I find that most girls if they want kids, they have them young.  Do you not want kids?  If you don't, just let her know that kids are a dealbreaker.  Not everyone wants kids.  And you could always get artificial insemination if you don't want to do it the natural way.  Which I'm wondering why you're so against it.  It's really actually very fun.

And please stop saying (or should I call them WOMEN) like we're some disgusting lagoon creature. :(  You're kinda making me feel bad about just existing.

 

 

11. So? What's the difference?

What do you mean what's the difference?  Maturity isn't the lack of fun and spontaneity.  It just means that you're going to be a good partner and there's going to be less problems in the relationship. 

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