Separating the weak from the strong

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

I think I can safely say that all of us here carry ourselves differently than others. Its only natural as everyone in this world is different. We each have something that we are stronger in than others and we all have things we tend to struggle with. What may be easy for someone else to deal with may not be easy at all for someone else out there. We all want to be respected by others, we all want to be accepted rather than to be rejected its in our nature. I wanted to call out something to attention however.... 

 

For those of you who find it hard to carry yourself confidence wise, have you ever been subject to others trying to "mess with you" they keep on and keep on trying to get under your skin to get a rise out of you? They find it humorous that you try and act like they are not bothering you when deep inside you would wish they would just leave you alone? As I said before for some people they can take jokes and stuff better than others... but I do think that some people like to try and run over others to make them feel out of place or unwanted. I know because I have been done so many too many times to count and the feeling sucks so much. 

 

It seems to me no matter how hard I try and become "stronger" or just in the sense gain the respect from others more the more I find out I can never do so. Sure people will say just ignore it, and just go your own way. But when you have been through this sort of thing after so long you finally get to a breaking point in which you wish you could over come. I feel like at times maybe I might be better off just avoiding others but I wanted to know if this mutual feeling of people trying to walk over you/ put down, is something you have experienced as well. 

 

Any personal advice I'd greatly appreciate as well 

[碇 シンジン 27,427]

 

 

For those of you who find it hard to carry yourself confidence wise, have you ever been subject to others trying to "mess with you" they keep on and keep on trying to get under your skin to get a rise out of you? They find it humorous that you try and act like they are not bothering you when deep inside you would wish they would just leave you alone? As I said before for some people they can take jokes and stuff better than others... but I do think that some people like to try and run over others to make them feel out of place or unwanted. I know because I have been done so many too many times to count and the feeling sucks so much.

 

I've been experiencing this almost my whole life and it still doesn't stop. Maybe I'm just too easy target, I can't defend myself at all I've tried to look stronger and trying not to react, it looks like it is helping but it doesn't stop that abuse.

 

I don't know if this is good or bad, but I'm so used being made fun of that I don't care that much anymore. Sometimes I find that funny and kind of sad that they still  are trying it.

[child of the night 271]

I have experienced this a little bit and one of the only pieces of advice that I can give is that the first step to responding to these types of people is to accept yourself as who you are. 

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

I've been experiencing this almost my whole life and it still doesn't stop. Maybe I'm just too easy target, I can't defend myself at all I've tried to look stronger and trying not to react, it looks like it is helping but it doesn't stop that abuse.

 

I don't know if this is good or bad, but I'm so used being made fun of that I don't care that much anymore. Sometimes I find that funny and kind of sad that they still  are trying it.

So have I... Its like history just loves to keep repeating and haunting. I was done that way tonight by a friend and I just have been through this sort of thing way too many times to count on... I don't know what to say other than empathize. 

 

I have experienced this a little bit and one of the only pieces of advice that I can give is that the first step to responding to these types of people is to accept yourself as who you are. 

Like my friend kept making jabs at little things about me to break me down. Like hey how many girls have you slept with? Oh your still a virgin wow dude I have already been with 12 girls already.... Then to further add to that we were at a concert and he was pressuring me to go talk to this girl, who clearly was with someone else, and said whats wrong with you man are you gay or something? So I just said f off man alright. Just off and on about similar stuff like that it just felt like I was being degraded though...

 

I mean I have dated girls before only to be cheated on in every relationship I have been in so I have had really bad experiences dating wise too

 

I like him as a friend and his joking can be funny but tends to like to go overboard with messing with me. And then sometimes people want to try and intimidate you wanting a reaction yet you know full and well nothing you do will matter anyways. 

 

I don't know what so say other than just to stay quiet most of the time though... sometimes I just wish I was different in the sense of carrying myself better but that in itself has proven to be a challenge 

[child of the night 271]

@@Gone Airbourne,

 

on the point of talking to other people I feel that one of the things is said most wrong is to not respond. At least for me if I don't respond they try to drill it into me even more, however when I say something to spite them they give up. 

[Professor SnuSnu 100]

I have been picked on and mocked and fought with. It happened throughout my life where my race was a minority. 
I understand how you feel, but I have been able to become"stronger" mentally.
As you said when these scenarios occur, we mostly try our best to ignore them and brush it off,you also stated that in all honesty they still do find a crevice to crawl under your skin. Why? why would it bother you? what do these words have on you? What does it prove? Are these words meaningful?

Not only was I mocked by people I barely knew, I was also mocked by family members, especially my father for being not up to par with my academics and it continued for years. I reached my breaking point once and I cried to myself and sat in the dark for hours but I didn't look at myself as useless, I was weak but I needed to become stronger, not physically but mentally. 

You say that you wanted the respect of the people around you. But what does their respect mean to you? 
While I was in my room curled in a ball contemplating on life and how meaningful it was. I realized that I didn't need respect from other people, because I only wanted respect from people I cared about, from people I knew that they had my back through thick or thin.
 

My personality is INTJ so I would be more inclined to ignore people around me.

My solution is not to care about what people say( honestly their words mean nothing to you, you might not even see them ever again in a year or two maybe even less)
Only care about the people you trust and know that they have your back and you have theirs.

Some parts of this might not be expressed correctly.  I might need to proof read. Heh

[MasterCombine 316]

I've never been the target of bullying or harassment, but I can certainly empathize with having low self-esteem. It's something I've suffered from for the past few years in college, and as a result my social life floundered. This year, however, I resolved to change and started putting more effort into working on myself. In short, it's payed off in a big way. 

 

I know this sounds cliche, but the old saying that "you have to love yourself before you can expect others to love you" applies here. If you're the type that spends a lot of time worrying about how others perceive you, stop. Right now, the most important thing is how YOU perceive you. If you want confidence, you have to get to a point where you're happy with yourself, both body and mind, and I can say the former is by far the easier of the two to achieve (at least, I'm finding it easier). I find the latter to be a longer, continuous process that the former helps with. 

 

Speaking from experience, a lot of my self-esteem issues stemmed from the fact that I hated being skinny. Regardless of the fact that I've always been a pretty decent-looking guy, at almost 22 years old, about six feet tall, and 155 pounds, I was unsatisfied with how I looked. Starting back in January of this year, I made the decision to change, and started lifting regularly. Now, at around 170 pounds (I'm still shooting for about 180-185), I feel so much better about myself. Gaining weight and muscle improved my own opinion of my appearance, and as a result, my confidence has followed suit.

 

Likewise, I've done more to improve my social life, making friends and making an actual effort to get out and spend time with real people, as opposed to spending all my free time indoors playing video games.

 

Basically, you have to identify exactly where you need improvement, and then make a concerted effort to change. It's not impossible, and it's probably easier than you think. 

 

Also, get away from negative people. I personally haven't found that to be a problem in my life, but that "friend" of yours honestly just sounds like a huge dick.

Edited August 20, 2014 by MasterCombine

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

@@Gone Airbourne,

 

on the point of talking to other people I feel that one of the things is said most wrong is to not respond. At least for me if I don't respond they try to drill it into me even more, however when I say something to spite them they give up. 

This if you don't respond be sure you will here more of it. Respond and really nothing will change. 

 

I have been picked on and mocked and fought with. It happened throughout my life where my race was a minority. 

I understand how you feel, but I have been able to become"stronger" mentally.

As you said when these scenarios occur, we mostly try our best to ignore them and brush it off,you also stated that in all honesty they still do find a crevice to crawl under your skin. Why? why would it bother you? what do these words have on you? What does it prove? Are these words meaningful?

 

Not only was I mocked by people I barely knew, I was also mocked by family members, especially my father for being not up to par with my academics and it continued for years. I reached my breaking point once and I cried to myself and sat in the dark for hours but I didn't look at myself as useless, I was weak but I needed to become stronger, not physically but mentally. 

 

You say that you wanted the respect of the people around you. But what does their respect mean to you? 

While I was in my room curled in a ball contemplating on life and how meaningful it was. I realized that I didn't need respect from other people, because I only wanted respect from people I cared about, from people I knew that they had my back through thick or thin.

 

My personality is INTJ so I would be more inclined to ignore people around me.

 

My solution is not to care about what people say( honestly their words mean nothing to you, you might not even see them ever again in a year or two maybe even less)

Only care about the people you trust and know that they have your back and you have theirs.

 

Some parts of this might not be expressed correctly.  I might need to proof read. Heh

Thanks for that I know what your saying is truth and sorry to hear about what your family did to you as well. I tend to wonder about this topic a lot though. I try and tell myself to stand up for myself more but the solution to that problem I have yet to find. I just wish one of these days I can find something or change something within myself to careless about what others have to say. But I suppose its only a matter of time till I do get to that point or have had enough.

[Professor SnuSnu 100]

So have I... Its like history just loves to keep repeating and haunting. I was done that way tonight by a friend and I just have been through this sort of thing way too many times to count on... I don't know what to say other than empathize. 

 

Like my friend kept making jabs at little things about me to break me down. Like hey how many girls have you slept with? Oh your still a virgin wow dude I have already been with 12 girls already.... Then to further add to that we were at a concert and he was pressuring me to go talk to this girl, who clearly was with someone else, and said whats wrong with you man are you gay or something? So I just said f off man alright. Just off and on about similar stuff like that it just felt like I was being degraded though...

 

I mean I have dated girls before only to be cheated on in every relationship I have been in so I have had really bad experiences dating wise too

 

I like him as a friend and his joking can be funny but tends to like to go overboard with messing with me. And then sometimes people want to try and intimidate you wanting a reaction yet you know full and well nothing you do will matter anyways. 

 

I don't know what so say other than just to stay quiet most of the time though... sometimes I just wish I was different in the sense of carrying myself better but that in itself has proven to be a challenge 

I have acquaintances such as the one you have stated, sure talking to her might have proved you have confidence(or rather that you are straight) but what would you gain form it? The "friend" that makes remarks about you and doesn't realize that he is degrading you is someone that doesn't know who you are and as I would do, is regard him as an acquaintance.

A friend is someone that knows who you are and knows what to say and what not to say a the right moment.

I always insult my friend vice versa but we know the thin line that we shouldn't cross.

 

[Malinter 3,064]

So have I... Its like history just loves to keep repeating and haunting. I was done that way tonight by a friend and I just have been through this sort of thing way too many times to count on... I don't know what to say other than empathize. 

 

Like my friend kept making jabs at little things about me to break me down. Like hey how many girls have you slept with? Oh your still a virgin wow dude I have already been with 12 girls already.... Then to further add to that we were at a concert and he was pressuring me to go talk to this girl, who clearly was with someone else, and said whats wrong with you man are you gay or something? So I just said f off man alright. Just off and on about similar stuff like that it just felt like I was being degraded though...

 

I mean I have dated girls before only to be cheated on in every relationship I have been in so I have had really bad experiences dating wise too

 

I like him as a friend and his joking can be funny but tends to like to go overboard with messing with me. And then sometimes people want to try and intimidate you wanting a reaction yet you know full and well nothing you do will matter anyways. 

 

I don't know what so say other than just to stay quiet most of the time though... sometimes I just wish I was different in the sense of carrying myself better but that in itself has proven to be a challenge 

 

For a start. Most men will ALWAYS lie when they say how many people they have slept with if asked that question by another man, especially if they believe it is the norm for men to sleep with 'x number of people' just so they can't be mocked for having inexperience or being a virgin themselves.

 

Notches on the bed post are meaningless, even if your friends claims of having sex with 12 girls is true. That's 12 girls who didn't think he was worth staying with, 12 people who will remember him for sleeping around and not being faithful. That sort of reputation sticks for life in some social circles. Your own partners may have cheated on you, but staying a good and faithful person will be rewarded when your older when people around you start seeking long-time relationships.

 

Ignore his jibes, he's probably riddled with more insecurities than you are and is simply trying to project them on to you rather than face them himself.

Edited August 20, 2014 by Shire Pony Malinter

[Professor SnuSnu 100]

This if you don't respond be sure you will here more of it. Respond and really nothing will change. 

 

Thanks for that I know what your saying is truth and sorry to hear about what your family did to you as well. I tend to wonder about this topic a lot though. I try and tell myself to stand up for myself more but the solution to that problem I have yet to find. I just wish one of these days I can find something or change something within myself to careless about what others have to say. But I suppose its only a matter of time till I do get to that point or have had enough.

Don't rush it, I'm not someone that can be depended on right now because i have some problems with myself that I still need to figure out but I have a clear mind to speak my mind.

 

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

 

 

Also, get away from negative people. I personally haven't found that to be a problem in my life, but that "friend" of yours honestly just sounds like a huge dick.

 

Idk It always just seems as if I have to shape up to this "mold" to be accepted within a friendship. I like am not good enough with who I am. My friend we have been hanging out a lot but as in recent days I have noticed the constant "mocking" just getting worse. I said listen I can enjoy joking around but you kinda went a bit too far today. The only response I got was to stop being a pussy... ahh its funny almost all the friendships in the past that have been similar to this. I've grown tired of it and I am becoming just more satisfied with being on my own these days. Gotta love it  

Don't rush it, I'm not someone that can be depended on right now because i have some problems with myself that I still need to figure out but I have a clear mind to speak my mind.
 

Most def. I know rushing into anything blindly nothing good will come out of it most times. Your right there for sure

Let me be the first one to say I appreciate the insight greatly thank you 

For a start. Most men will ALWAYS lie when they say how many people they have slept with if asked that question by another man, especially if they believe it is the norm for men to sleep with 'x number of people' just so they can't be mocked for having inexperience or being a virgin themselves.

 

Notches on the bed post are meaningless, even if your friends claims of having sex with 12 girls is true. That's 12 girls who didn't think he was worth staying with, 12 people who will remember him for sleeping around and not being faithful. That sort of reputation sticks for life in some social circles. Your own partners may have cheated on you, but staying a good and faithful person will be rewarded when your older when people around you start seeking long-time relationships.

 

Ignore his jibes, he's probably riddled with more insecurities than you are and is simply trying to project them on to you rather than face them himself.

This is good advice and your right 

[碇 シンジン 27,427]

 

 

Idk It always just seems as if I have to shape up to this "mold" to be accepted within a friendship.

 

True friends accept your true self. I think you should consider this friendship if you need to shape up just to be his friend. I've had that kind of friendships and I feel those people are just immature. That is why I prefer having no friends or one good friend instead of a lot of stupid people who just mock me because I'm different.

[MasterCombine 316]

A worthwhile friend is going to be supportive and understanding. That doesn't mean you can't take jabs at each other (all friends do), but from the way you describe it, this guy (and your past friendships, if they've been similar) isn't much of a friend at all. He's using you to take out his own insecurities, or he's just a dick. 

 

And there's no "mold" that you have to fit. That feeling of not being good enough is your self-esteem talking, and it's something that can be eliminated (or, more realistically, greatly improved. There's always going to be ways you can work on your-self esteem. I know I still am, and probably will be for a while). Good people tend to want to surround themselves with other good people. As long as you're a legitimately good person who makes an effort to be more social and outgoing, you'll gain friends that like you and treat you well. 

[LightningMana 146]

Um, well yeah quite a bit

 

Throughout my childhood, even. When I was in cheerleading I was bullied into quitting. And that was only in grades 4-5. I've experienced it quite a bit early on in life and some other times. 

 

Even as an adult~ I started doing custom pony commissions on line and people told me how much I suck and needed to quit and never do them again. 

 

Some even said they wanted to break into my home and set fire to my custom ponies. 

 

During weak circumstances, I may have caved. 

 

But I had a customer at the time who was paying me to make 10 Sailor Moon custom ponies, and I really, really didn't want to refund their money because there was a group of rabid people telling me to quit.

 

I really really liked getting the money for something I enjoyed doing and went to college for.

 

So, I just kinda kept going and doing what I'm doing, went insane now and then but here I am today still rolling in the ca$h, blinging up and pimping out ponies~ o3o

 

People tare others down due to their own insecurities~ sadly

 

If more people liked themselves and were able to be comfortable, they wouldn't worry so much about what others are doing. A lot of times, people need to just focus on themselves and let themselves be happy.