Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

Looking For Feedback


IJoinedForPonies

Recommended Posts

I finished my first OC the other day, and would like to hear some feedback on her from you all. I wanna make sure she isn't over the top or too bland or anything. Comment here or in the database, the link is on my sig. Thanks in advance everyone! ^^ 

 

PS - To Admin: Sorry about the other post, the FAQ did not specify that a thread like this shouldn't be posted in Sugarcube Corner sub forum. :-/

post-29948-0-95761700-1414632429_thumb.png

post-29948-0-95761700-1414632429_thumb.png

Edited by IJoinedForPonies
  • Brohoof 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Warning: I tend to be pretty harsh when critiquing people's OCs. Please keep in mind that I do so with the best intentions.

 

 

The design is good, if not terribly distinct ( I do realize ponycreator is restrictive).

 

-The colourscheme needs some work; the coat is alright, but black rarely ever works and the teal is too saturated. Personally, I think some warm colours would work well to balance out the coat.

-The cutiemark looks a bit to busy consider simplifying it or just getting a new one.

 

As for the backstory... well, I like the idea of a blind pony, but I feel most of it has a taste of special snowflake.

 

A pony being born and growing up blind (and how she deals with her handicap) is a pretty interesting story on it's own, there really is no reason for Nightmare Moon to be involved at all, As it jis, it just seems like you're shoehorning her and Celestia in there to make your OC seem more important.

 

Same thing goes for the CIA. I very much doubt that suck an organization would exist in Equestria. Why not make her a tracker for the Royal guard or part of a rescue team that safes ponies who got lost in caves/dark parts of the the Everfree ect.

  • Brohoof 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(edited)
-The colourscheme needs some work; the coat is alright, but black rarely ever works and the teal is too saturated. Personally, I think some warm colours would work well to balance out the coat.

 

I'll mess around with it and see what I can do.

 

EDIT: I toned down the Teal, currently it is sitting at:

 

H: 175

S: 65

B: 50

 

Also, I am going to keep the black, any other color modification made it look terrible. :-/

 

-The cutiemark looks a bit to busy consider simplifying it or just getting a new one.

 

I know it looks bad, as said before, this was the hardest part to work with. The pony creator has a really bad glitch when importing cutie marks and is very difficult to work around it. I am still trying to replace it by making one from scratch, but my artistic skills are not up to par. :-(

 

 

 

As for the backstory... well, I like the idea of a blind pony, but I feel most of it has a taste of special snowflake.

 

Elaborate?

 

 

 

A pony being born and growing up blind (and how she deals with her handicap) is a pretty interesting story on it's own, there really is no reason for Nightmare Moon to be involved at all, As it jis, it just seems like you're shoehorning her and Celestia in there to make your OC seem more important.

 

I had a feeling this would come up... Surprisingly she doesn't have much to do with the Princesses unless work is involved, that little get-together to talk about the job in the back story is pretty much the only time they meet like this. That bit about Nightmare Moon was the only logical reason I can come up with as to why that happened to her at birth. Anything else would seem far-fetched, or not make any sense.

 

 

 

Same thing goes for the CIA. I very much doubt that such an organization would exist in Equestria. Why not make her a tracker for the Royal guard or part of a rescue team that safes ponies who got lost in caves/dark parts of the the Everfree ect.

.

 

CIA can exist just as easily as any other types of landmarks etc have. The Royal Guard don't have much to do with anything outside of Canterlot other than the occasional escort of the Princesses wherever they go, and doing an errand for the Princesses in Ponyville. They stay pretty local and don't go passed Ponyville (unless escorting) from what I have seen. As for the rescue team idea, she does plenty of that in the CIA too. The CIA is basically what you would be suggesting for the Royal Guard idea, they go farther than Ponyville to solve issues with more highly trained ponies as opposed to sending a platoon or more of Royal Guards that aren't as disciplined.   

Edited by IJoinedForPonies
Link to comment
Share on other sites

nah doesn't look terrible to me i just couldn't tell what the cutie mark was cause i'm blind when it comes to seeing tiny detail, hence the glasses ;)

I appreciate the praise. ^^

 

But it does look pretty bad to me. Eventually I will come up with a better design, I might need to get someone to draw me one based on a paper sketch over at DA or something...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's alright, althought the OC is kind of short. Not sure if it's because of the age but that's besides the point.
I think that you should change the colour of the eyes to the teal colour, could work. Or just change teal to other colour but it should be quite bright, I think every OC needs a bit of a bright colour in them. My OC's bright colour is his eyes but that's all. 
I like that you used black and greyish colours, I see people NOT doing that because they think it's boring, I think dark colours look great. 
Over all, goodjob

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(edited)
I think that you should change the colour of the eyes to the teal colour, could work. Or just change teal to other colour but it should be quite bright

 

Check the link on my sig, and you will see why they are that color.

 

 

 

It's alright, althought the OC is kind of short. Not sure if it's because of the age but that's besides the point.

 

She is about the same age and size as Applejack. Also Pony Creator is pretty limited on what you can do with it. :-P

 

Thank you for the visual feedback of her though. ^^ 

Edited by IJoinedForPonies
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I had a feeling this would come up... Surprisingly she doesn't have much to do with the Princesses unless work is involved, that little get-together to talk about the job in the back story is pretty much the only time they meet like this. That bit about Nightmare Moon was the only logical reason I can come up with as to why that happened to her at birth. Anything else would seem far-fetched, or not make any sense.

If the Princesses' involvement is not essential, I'd get rid of it.

Otherwise it will look like you're simply including them to make your character seem more important.

As for Nightmare Moon, I don't see why she'd be necessary, as opposed to Essence simply being born blind and developing her abilities to cope with her disability.

 

 

 

The CIA is basically what you would be suggesting for the Royal Guard idea, they go farther than Ponyville to solve issues with more highly trained ponies as opposed to sending a platoon or more of Royal Guards that aren't as disciplined.

In this case I'd suggest rebranding them as a search & rescue teamn, rather than a secret service. Equestria doesn't seem like the place that'd require the kinds of shady dealings associated with such organisations. And I'd rename it too, to avoid association with the RL CIA.

  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi guys so I made a song

 

 

Here is it....

 

Mares and colts of every age,

Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

 

Come with us and you will see

This our town of ponyville.

 

This is Ponyville this is Ponyville.

Philly's scream in the dead of night.

 

This is Ponyville, everypony make a scene

Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright

It's our town, everypony scream

In this town of Ponyville.

 

Discord: I am the one hiding under your bed

Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

 

Changeling: I am the one hiding under yours stairs

Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

 

This is Ponyville, this is Ponyville.

 

Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville!

In this town we call home

Everypony hail to the princess now!

 

In this town, don't we love it now

Everypony's waiting for the next surprise

 

Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can

Something's waiting no to pounce, and how you'll scream!

 

Scream! This is Ponyville!

Red 'n' black, slimy green

 

Aren't you scared

Well, that's just fine

 

Say it once, say it twice

Take a chance and roll the dice

Ride with the moon in the dead of night

 

Everypony scream, everypony scream

 

In our town of Ponyville

 

Pinkie pie: I am the clown with the tear-away face

Here in a flash and gone without a trace

(Poof)

 

Rainbow dash: I am the who when you call, Who's there?

I am the wind blowing through your hair

 

Princess Luna: I am the shadow on the moon at night

Filling your dreams to the brim with fright

 

This is Ponyville, this is Ponyville

Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville!

Ponyville! Ponyville!

 

CMC: Tender lumplings everywhere

Life's no fun without a good scare

That's our job, but we're not mean

In our town of Ponyville

 

In this town

Don't we love it now

 

Everypony's waiting for the next surprise

Princess twilight might catch you in the back

And scream like a banshee

Make you jump out of your skin

This is Ponyville, everypony scream

Wont' ya please make way for a very special pony?

 

Our twilight is queen of the Pumpkin patch

Everypony hail to the pumpkin queen now!

 

This is Ponyville, this is Ponyville

Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville!

 

In this town we call home

Everypony hail to the pumpkin song

 

La la-la la, Ponyville! Ponyville!

post-30025-0-02428100-1414861053_thumb.jpg

Edited by vinyl_scratch_4_life
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

If the Princesses' involvement is not essential, I'd get rid of it. Otherwise it will look like you're simply including them to make your character seem more important.
 

 

Well, they do run her organization to some degree, so that's as involved as it gets.

 

 

 

As for Nightmare Moon, I don't see why she'd be necessary, as opposed to Essence simply being born blind and developing her abilities to cope with her disability.

 

Because normal blindness can be fixed with magic, her blindness is different and can't be altered with magic. If it were fixable, she wouldn't be blind at her current age, and she wouldn't have that cutie mark anymore.

 

 

 

In this case I'd suggest rebranding them as a search & rescue teamn, rather than a secret service. Equestria doesn't seem like the place that'd require the kinds of shady dealings associated with such organisations. And I'd rename it too, to avoid association with the RL CIA.
 

 

I'll look into that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi @IJoinedForPonies. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to lock this thread.  Octavia's Hall is a place for showing off artwork and other creative mediums that you, the poster, have made. Memes, pony generator images, artwork that was not created by the thread owner and alike do not belong in this forum. They are significantly more suitable being posted in places such as status updates, blogs or the forum lounge.

 

With that said, I do find her design to be eye catching and I look forward to seeing this OC continue to be developed.  :) 

  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...