31 replies to this topic

[SylveonBL]

Hello fellow Bronies! I have finally finished the first chapter of my first pony fic. *applause*
So I guess you want to see the fanfic but I need to discuss some things...or you could just skip to the links to read my story.

So anyway, I need you guys to tell me about any misuse of words, grammar mistakes and etc.

Also I would like to know about ways to make parts of the story better.

I'm also sorry for anti climatic scenes and remember I'm still a beginner.

Any constructive criticism of how to make the story better is appreciated.

I will be editing this a couple of times if you tell me about mistakes to make sure it is not filled with errors but I will tell you if a chapter is updated.

Here's the summary.

When Pinkie Pie gets saved from almost certain death, she starts to develop feelings for the one who saved her. The only problem with that is the one who saved her...is a MARE! So its up to her to decide if she really likes her and if she can gather up the courage to tell her friends, family, and, most importantly, her crush.

Link to main:

http://www.fimfictio...Feelings-Get%21

Link to first chapter *Update*:

http://www.fimfictio...-for-someone%21

Link for chapter 2 *Update*:

http://www.fimfictio...uty-of-a-sunset

Chapter 3 *Update*:

http://www.fimfictio...alking-to-Cakes

Chapter 4:

http://www.fimfictio...not-a-Rarity%21

Chapter 5:

http://www.fimfictio...nd-%2Aupdate%2A

Chapter 6:

http://www.fimfictio...21-%2AEdited%2A

Chapter 7:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/4432/7/Pinkie-Pie%3A-Feelings-Get%21/Chapter-7%3A-Secrets%2C-Secrets%2C-are-so-Fun%21...

Please comment and constructive criticism.

Edited by RaccoonBL, 25 March 2012 - 09:17 AM.

[Braeburn]

cute. saving.
but why is it that it's always a gay love for the most part? why not... stright!?
but... WTH, i love them anyway(: counter trolled myself there..?
Good work!

Please comment and constructive criticism.

Y U NO MAKE CHAPTER 2!!!??

Edited by sobadnomad, 15 December 2011 - 10:23 PM.

[Klopp]

but why is it that it's always a gay love for the most part? why not... stright!?

In a world where roughly 90% of the population is female, there will be lesbians.

[SylveonBL]

cute. saving.
but why is it that it's always a gay love for the most part? why not... stright!?
but... WTH, i love them anyway(: counter trolled myself there..?
Good work!



Y U NO MAKE CHAPTER 2!!!??

Working on it.

In a world where roughly 90% of the population is female, there will be lesbians.

The funny thing is about that. I actually hate that reason with a passion. Saying that since it appears that there is more girls then boys means there is a lot of lesbian just doesn't sound right. It also just sounds like an excuse to Fanfic writers. I do like however, that season is completely destroying that reason.

Now, I agree that there will always be lesbians. But I don't agree that the world is 90% female. I do think it is slightly higher. (55%)
I also think that it makes it sound like its a common dating thing where all girls will date girls just completely natural which also doesn't make any since.

Sorry if you read that entire thing.

[Braeburn]

Working on it.

...
Just write chapter two please? This is one of the best fan fics I've ever read.

Edited by sobadnomad, 16 December 2011 - 02:25 PM.

[SylveonBL]

Yep, I've finished chapter 2! Sorry for the shortness compared to the first chapter. As always tell me of grammar mistakes and etc.
Chapter 2:http://www.fimfictio...Feelings-Get%21

Edited by RaccoonBL, 17 December 2011 - 12:21 PM.

[Braeburn]

Yep, I've finished chapter 2! Sorry for the shortness compared to the first chapter. As always tell me of grammar mistakes and etc.
Chapter 2:http://www.fimfictio...Feelings-Get%21

I would never run around and desert you
... That made me all happy... the she wakes up and it never happened you... troll...

My advice for the next chapter... Maybe have an awekward and embarrising scene. for instance, have pinkie pie see RD flying around and she goes to see her, and sheends up at AJ's farm and RD is help/hanging out with AJ... See how pinkie would act in that situation or something..

Edited by sobadnomad, 17 December 2011 - 12:53 PM.

[SylveonBL]

... That made me all happy... the she wakes up and it never happened you... troll...

Hay now, I can't end this fanfic now just yet. I still have like 5 or more chapters to go. And plus Pinkie still has to have her talk with her parents and friends about this. And plus, I needed a plot device for Pinkie coming closer to accepting her feeling for Rainbow Dash.
But its still a good chapter right?

[Braeburn]

Hay now, I can't end this fanfic now just yet. I still have like 5 or more chapters to go. And plus Pinkie still has to have her talk with her parents and friends about this. And plus, I needed a plot device for Pinkie coming closer to accepting her feeling for Rainbow Dash.
But its still a good chapter right?

Yep! look at my post, i edited it. That'll be a good filler. Also have her talk to either rarity or fluttershy... or both.. or ever AJ! Cuz twilight would seem too... obvious. Fanfics never include rarity or fluttershy like that so it'd be cute, and Applejack would have a few werds ta say mmhm.

[SylveonBL]

Yep! look at my post, i edited it. That'll be a good filler. Also have her talk to either rarity or fluttershy... or both.. or ever AJ! Cuz twilight would seem too... obvious. Fanfics never include rarity or fluttershy like that so it'd be cute, and Applejack would have a few werds ta say mmhm.

Well, first off It might not be next chapter because thats when she talks to her guardians. She is going to talk to all her friends including Fluttershy and Rarity. However, I will say one thing. Applejack is going to be the most important friend that Pinkie talks to out of all the others. Now, what exactly would Applejack say huh? What are these few words.

Edited by RaccoonBL, 17 December 2011 - 01:06 PM.

[Braeburn]

Now, what exactly would Applejack say huh?

First off, YAY!
Second, I have no idea. maybe they go for a walk and pinkkie does that "I.. My friend's confused" thing and AJ tells her to tell her "friend" stuff, but AJ knows its really pinke.. Cuz u know her...

Well, off to work! I'll continue to give feedback in about 4 hours!

Edited by sobadnomad, 17 December 2011 - 01:08 PM.

[SylveonBL]

First off, YAY!
Second, I have no idea. maybe they go for a walk and pinkkie does that "I.. My friend's confused" thing and AJ tells her to tell her "friend" stuff, but AJ knows its really pinke.. Cuz u know her...

Well, off to work! I'll continue to give feedback in about 4 hours!

Well, I might have a different character do that kind of scene, but I already have something really special in mind for applejack.

Anyway, I guess you will be happy to know I am current;y working on chapter 3 as we speak.

[Braeburn]

Well, I might have a different character do that kind of scene, but I already have something really special in mind for applejack.

Anyway, I guess you will be happy to know I am current;y working on chapter 3 as we speak.

I'm just making sure you know... Pinkie Pie's parents don't live in ponyville... and she doesn't have gardians... If you're thinking of Mr and Mrs Cake, she works for them. All tthe mane 6 live on there own. So what do you mean talk to her gaurdians?..

Rarity should do that scene, you (I at least) can see one of them acting out that scene with Pinkie..

But please include all 6 mane ponies?! don't spoil anything for me, but I think you should directly or indirectly use all 6.

Edited by sobadnomad, 17 December 2011 - 08:10 PM.

[SylveonBL]

I'm just making sure you know... Pinkie Pie's parents don't live in ponyville... and she doesn't have gardians... If you're thinking of Mr and Mrs Cake, she works for them. All tthe mane 6 live on there own. So what do you mean talk to her gaurdians?..

I highlighted the key points. First off, Are you sure all the mane six live on their own? Remember episode 5 of season 2. Although we didn't exactly get a lot info on that scene, it still could be debated that she lives with her parents.

Also, the point that you said Pinkie Pie's parents don't live in ponyville means she lives someplace else. We can all really safely assume that she is living with the Cakes. And because of that, they would be very close. Ok, maybe guardians is an inaccurate term, but you get the point.

[Braeburn]

I highlighted the key points. First off, Are you sure all the mane six live on their own? Remember episode 5 of season 2. Although we didn't exactly get a lot info on that scene, it still could be debated that she lives with her parents.

Also, the point that you said Pinkie Pie's parents don't live in ponyville means she lives someplace else. We can all really safely assume that she is living with the Cakes. And because of that, they would be very close. Ok, maybe guardians is an inaccurate term, but you get the point.

True, you got me there. Please specify what that episode was about again?..
And I'm pretty sure they don't live in ponyville as you see them ONE time.. But she COULD be living with the cakes, that makes sense.

[SylveonBL]

Please specify what that episode was about again?...

It was about the sister hooves social and it briefly had Rarity's parents in the beginning.

[Braeburn]

Oh right! well, Rarity's parents were visiting. I recall that 120%.. Its just... does Sweetie Belle live with rarity? cuz that episode was trippy in that scene, it was like someone new wrote those lines...

But yeah I see what you mean. just leave it at the Cakes, they seem to be the closest to her at the moment. Unless you don't want to

Edited by sobadnomad, 17 December 2011 - 08:28 PM.

[SylveonBL]

Its CHAPTER 3! I personally think this isn't that good of a chapter. I will wait for your opinions though.
http://www.fimfictio...t/chapter/13910

Please tell me of any mistakes.

[NeverNeverland]

I'll need to check those chapters out tonight when I have the time.

[SylveonBL]

So yeah I'm going to see how this does with Equestria Daily. Hope its good.

Edited by RaccoonBL, 18 December 2011 - 10:48 AM.