Is there really someone out there that is 'your one'?

[Celestial Wish 349]

I've been through a lot of painful relationships, and each time I always had a positive outlook. Hoping that one day I could settle down. I didn't like the concept of taking it day by day, but I realized it was because I was tired of the uncertain.

 

Now I'm single and feel that there truly isn't someone out there who will accept me completely. 

 

I have such high dreams of getting married (and staying married), having kids, and so forth...

 

For some reason though, I'm beginning to feel that... THAT kind of life wasn't meant to be for me. 

 

 

Is there truly such a thing as a soul mate?

Edited April 6, 2014 by Celestial Wish

[Ribbonfree 2,382]

I don't think that it's about the 'perfect' person for you. As far as I see it, there's only so much another person can give you. Half a relationship is yourself, and that's what we should be focusing on. Making ourselves the person we want to be. When you're personally complete then your options for partners expand because you're not depending on the other person to supplement or complement you in any way or fill a 'hole' in your life. You're just there to genuinely enjoy the person, and that makes things much easier.

 

My take on it. Bear in mind that I'm a relationship novice.

[Harmonic Revelations 8,833]

There is more than one person for anybody. No relationship is perfect, but I guarantee that there are several people who would be compatible with any given individual.

[GaleFenrir 281]

I don't really buy into the concept of soul mates, or 'the one'. I do, however, believe strongly in true love and romance. It just needs to have a healthy base to spring forth from. Some people certainly can't get along well as a couple, and some who are couples really shouldn't be. But not because of destiny; either because of poor chemistry, or because one and/or the other isn't in a position in their lives were they are capable of handling a committed relationship.

 

Focus on knowing and improving yourself, then you can focus on finding someone who's compatible. Just don't ever give up on yourself, and you shouldn't have any problem holding onto hope.

 

That's just my $0.02, 'dough.

[PsychedelicPony 440]

Soul mate is a little misleading. I think there is people that do well together and can be happy for life but the term soulmate makes it seem like there is only one for each person which is kind of impossible with 7 billion people on the planet and someone most likely not to meet people outside of their general area, although the internet is helping with that.

[CMQuickfireTK 751]

I doubt it. Just compatible people.

 

I imagine there are a few compatible with me, I have yet to meet them. But I'm happy anyways.

Edited April 6, 2014 by CMQuickfireTK

[Celestial Wish 349]

I always find myself walking into relationships where they act like they're perfect... but later on take off this mask and show colors I never dreamed of seeing.. (most of them are NOT good)

 

From what I've gathered over time, I become passive when the partner is manipulative or demanding. 

 

I need to watch the episode Putting Your Hoof Down.

[SCS 7,443]

I do not know whether or not there is a such thing as a soul mate. I do, however, believe that there are many people one could be happy with. Honestly, to me, that is a far more comforting thought than the idea that there is only one person out there for you. The mathematical odds of running into them are far too low unless such encounters are driven by a more inner spiritual force that cannot be modeled mathematically.
 
That being said, I don't think true importance lies in whether or not there is a such thing as a soul mate. If you find someone you love, that is what truly matters, not whether or not they are the only person you could ever possibly love.
 
@@Celestial Wish, I am sorry that you have been having so many troubles with relationships. I urge you not to lose heart. I am sure that you will find the right person for you some day. Going through breakups and bad relationships is difficult, but you should not allow that to make you give up on romance entirely. There are many people who are able to find true happiness of the romantic variety. I believe everyone is capable of doing that, it is simply a matter of trying and persevering even when things are difficult.

[SFyr 1,982]

I think so long as someone is a decent person, it's easily within the realm of belief that they will one day have someone to share a mutual love and acceptance with, and settle down with.

Soulmates... I'm not going to say it do not exists, but that I'm just unsure of my stance on that whole bit.

Some part of me believes in a slight sense of fate or potentially-guided future, but I also look at statistics. The basic overlook I get though, is that people are never perfect, and chemistry may never be 100%. However, I don't think it needs to be the case; the idea that there's someone out there that you just click with in every instance and never have issues with... well, that kinda implies a relationship that doesn't involve any work, doesn't it? I don't really see that happening.

There was a book my mother suggested I pick up--the Five Love Languages--and since reading it... I was actually kinda concerned that it both made sense, and impressed upon me the idea that a lot of people are viable partners so long as that is addressed.

It basically operates on the matter of different expressions of love; that we all focus on certain methods of expression and certain methods of acceptance. Some want service, some want quality time, some want meaningful gifts, etc. So long as you're compatible enough (beliefs/interests/etc) for a relationship to be viable and such, often all one may theoretically need to do is put in the effort to make the other person feel loved. Experiences listed in the author showed failing relationships brought back from feeling unloved to loved, or bitter back to sweet, when it seems unsalvagable at the start. Often, it was just a matter of people taking things for granted, not trying as hard, or communicating in the wrong way and never seeing why they felt unappreciated and weren't shown love either.

 

My basic point is... If both people are at least a good bit compatible, willing to try, and be open minded about loving and being loved, a lot of good candidates open up.

 

However, I will echo that a good relationship seems like something that would require first having a good security in yourself, and knowing how to be happy through your own means. If you need someone else to be happy... It seems like something that would be both unstable and taxing in the end. I've kinda pegged that as my explanation for teenage romance/drama. Too many people figuring themselves out yet, and depending on other people to be happy. Loving love or loving feeling loved, not loving the other person or themselves, basically.

 

Also, honesty should be valued more than someone who never rocks the boat, in my opinion. Someone who is real with you, tells you things even when you don't want to hear it sometimes--but never maliciously or manipulatively so--is worth more than someone you dotes on you excessively.

There'll be a lot of guys with ulterior motives I guess, or just straight-up bad; that may be unavoidable. Still, I believe one can learn how to sift through people a little more efficiently with time--if nothing else, you have more experience than a good bit of people may, so you may also know first hand some of the potential warning signs to look for. 

 

Anyways, I wish you the best~

[Virgil 685]

The two bits of advice I've heard of that seem to work in practice from my observation: 1. Both people have to be fairly mature and still growing as individuals. One can't start a relationship hoping that either you yourself will just naturally become better or that the other will get better.

 

2. On the "path" you are heading downs in life, it is good to take notice of who is heading down that same path, and seems to be running along side you. (One would at least get some very good and supportive friends via this method. )

 

@@Celestial Wish, I hope that makes sense and you find it useful. Although I will admit, I am myself single, so my advice may be dubious; but I base it off what people I know that are in successful relationships have said to me. Anyway, may Heaven bless you in your search.   

[Venomous 18,813]

DO NOT READ IF TOU DON'T LIKE SAD STORIES

 

When I was 15, I started dating this guy from my school. We connected perfectly, had similar interests, and we always got along.

We thought we were gonna get married. His family loved me, and mine loved him.

However, after a year and a half of dating, things turned for the worst.

 

He told me I wasn't allowed to have any friends (especially males). He threatened to kill me if he found out if I went against his rule(s).

 

Then one day I came to his house.

He beat me, threw me down the stairs, and poured boiling water on me.

Finally, he sexually assaulted me.

 

I thought things couldn't get any worse until he started numerous rumors about me at school. He made horrid rumors that I can't mention on here.

It became so hard to go to school. People threw garbage at me, insulted me, and sent me VERY mean-spirited messages on FaceBook.

Somehow, he got everyone to believe the rumors were true. My friends wouldn't even believe me when I said "No! It's not true".

 

The bullying got out of hand and I couldn't go to school. I just couldn't take the insults, mean stares, and constant insults.

I stayed home from school for 2 months. I isolated myself to the basement couch and I just laid there. Didn't talk to anyone or even eat. I lost 30lbs, began self-injuring, and even attempted suicide.

 

I was sent to the psychiatric unit as an in-patient for a long time.

 

It's ironic and tragic that these things happen.

We got along perfectly, and it turned out he was a a guy who always wanted dominance.

He ended up with a good laugh while I ended up with physical and mental scars.

Edited April 6, 2014 by Samurott77

[SharpWit 2,472]

 

 

I always find myself walking into relationships where they act like they're perfect... but later on take off this mask and show colors I never dreamed of seeing.. (most of them are NOT good)   From what I've gathered over time, I become passive when the partner is manipulative or demanding.   

You just described my mother's relationship with my second father.  He kind of forced marriage after only three months and for the next 8 years the relationship took only turns for the worse. The positive thing out of all of this is that you learn to see beyond that mask before it's too late and eventually you might someone that fits your needs as a partner in a sea of masked fish

[SFyr 1,982]

@,

That... is actually really sad.

Also horrible beyond my ability to comment on.

It really sounds like he just flipped out and really crossed lines he should never have, without much warning.

I hope my gender redeems itself in your eyes someday. ^-^'

And that you're getting along better since then. I hate for people have to suffer to that extent.

^{_{One of my first thoughts was the guy needs to get beat down, though I suspect that's not a productive train of thought.}}

*hugs*

 

 

Anyways.

All of y'all. I believe love can be found, and stable relationships are open to anyone willing to try, improve, and learn as they go. It's... harder for some, I get that, but you all have great potential to be loved and to find someone to love. 

Edited April 6, 2014 by SFyr

[man dude man 555]

I love to believe there is. I would love to make somepony the happiest woman alive. I would love to reassure myself that I am able to.

I have just been through every mishap you could imagine possible when it comes to serious relationships. I have done all the giving, I have been used, I have been controlled, I have been left with nothing but memories that wouldn't die as quickly as her love did for me, (if it ever existed.)

Some of us have serious trust issues, and emotional coping problems due to the amount of pain and bullshit we have been through, it has hurt other relationships and caused me to push away women that were really trying. I would give my all to find genuine love, all the patience I have to make sure it's real, all the understanding it takes to build the love itself, and all the time in the world to give my partner to reassure her it's what I really want. I just need to find somepony willing to do the same for me.

[Celestial Wish 349]

DO NOT READ IF TOU DON'T LIKE SAD STORIES

 

When I was 15, I started dating this guy from my school. We connected perfectly, had similar interests, and we always got along.

We thought we were gonna get married. His family loved me, and mine loved him.

However, after a year and a half of dating, things turned for the worst.

 

He told me I wasn't allowed to have any friends (especially males). He threatened to kill me if he found out if I went against his rule(s).

 

Then one day I came to his house.

He beat me, threw me down the stairs, and poured boiling water on me.

Finally, he sexually assaulted me.

 

I thought things couldn't get any worse until he started numerous rumors about me at school. He made horrid rumors that I can't mention on here.

It became so hard to go to school. People threw garbage at me, insulted me, and sent me VERY mean-spirited messages on FaceBook.

Somehow, he got everyone to believe the rumors were true. My friends wouldn't even believe me when I said "No! It's not true".

 

The bullying got out of hand and I couldn't go to school. I just couldn't take the insults, mean stares, and constant insults.

I stayed home from school for 2 months. I isolated myself to the basement couch and I just laid there. Didn't talk to anyone or even eat. I lost 30lbs, began self-injuring, and even attempted suicide.

 

I was sent to the psychiatric unit as an in-patient for a long time.

 

It's ironic and tragic that these things happen.

We got along perfectly, and it turned out he was a a guy who always wanted dominance.

He ended up with a good laugh while I ended up with physical and mental scars.

 

 

I maybe discouraged but I do believe in karma. That guy is going to get his day, I promise.

Edited April 6, 2014 by Celestial Wish

[Untitled Goose Q 5,136]

Well, I can't think of any better answer to this than that by the author of XKCD, Randall Munroe.

 

http://what-if.xkcd.com/9/

[Dattebayo 2,850]

DO NOT READ IF TOU DON'T LIKE SAD STORIES

 

When I was 15, I started dating this guy from my school. We connected perfectly, had similar interests, and we always got along.

We thought we were gonna get married. His family loved me, and mine loved him.

However, after a year and a half of dating, things turned for the worst.

 

He told me I wasn't allowed to have any friends (especially males). He threatened to kill me if he found out if I went against his rule(s).

 

Then one day I came to his house.

He beat me, threw me down the stairs, and poured boiling water on me.

Finally, he sexually assaulted me.

 

I thought things couldn't get any worse until he started numerous rumors about me at school. He made horrid rumors that I can't mention on here.

It became so hard to go to school. People threw garbage at me, insulted me, and sent me VERY mean-spirited messages on FaceBook.

Somehow, he got everyone to believe the rumors were true. My friends wouldn't even believe me when I said "No! It's not true".

 

The bullying got out of hand and I couldn't go to school. I just couldn't take the insults, mean stares, and constant insults.

I stayed home from school for 2 months. I isolated myself to the basement couch and I just laid there. Didn't talk to anyone or even eat. I lost 30lbs, began self-injuring, and even attempted suicide.

 

I was sent to the psychiatric unit as an in-patient for a long time.

 

It's ironic and tragic that these things happen.

We got along perfectly, and it turned out he was a a guy who always wanted dominance.

He ended up with a good laugh while I ended up with physical and mental scars.

 

This guy...for real, no words.

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

Idk. its a nice thought but I honestly I think its just the luck of the draw for somepeople.

Edited April 6, 2014 by Lucky Dice

[Celestial Wish 349]

The last person I was with convinced his therapist that I borderline abused him.

 

Now, several things....

 

1] Long distance relationship. Can't always answer the phone.

2] How was she diagnosing what I was doing to him and not hearing my part of the story?

3] I'll never forget one argument was over me telling him not to spit on other people's cars... I honestly could not believe I was asking someone to not do that.

 

More than anything I'm beginning to feel that stupidity is exhausting me to where I don't want to keep trying. *sigh*

Edited April 6, 2014 by Celestial Wish

[Dattebayo 2,850]

I like to think that in this world on 7 billion souls, there Is at least one person out there that's my..well..soul mate, I suppose.

But I've had pretty bad experiences in love and life (and they all seem pretty frivolous compared to Samurott's)...I dunno, it seems like a depressing concept, if you think about it. What are you suppose to do, try and try with a series of bad relationships, most likely getting hurt a long the way, in hopes that the next one will be your one and only?

[Celestial Wish 349]

I like to think that in this world on 7 billion souls, there Is at least one person out there that's my..well..soul mate, I suppose.

But I've had pretty bad experiences in love and life (and they all seem pretty frivolous compared to Samurott's)...I dunno, it seems like a depressing concept, if you think about it. What are you suppose to do, try and try with a series of bad relationships, most likely getting hurt a long the way, in hopes that the next one will be your one and only?

 

 

Honestly... Yeah. Trial and error.. but that isn't just towards relationships, that's everything.

[Guest]

Love is different for everyone, ya know? So in all honesty. I feel like I've already found mine. (Chevette/Mercury Marauder) A soul mate can in fact just be someone you're very compatible with, but they make you feel...whole and complete. And a soul mate CAN just be someone who makes you super happy and you can share anything with and talk about stupid stuff and still be happy about it. I don't believe there's a certain definition of "soul mate". Ya know what I'm screamin', Mr Krabs?

[Discordian 6,013]

I've never really bothered much with the idea of a soul mate. I've seen people breaking down the chances of a one, randomized, true soul mate and it's not pretty.

 

Of course, you could simply call a soul mate the person you find that satisfies you wholly, whatever that may mean to you.

 

Relationships are complicated. They are more than just a friendship so there's some work to put into it. That can seem daunting when you aren't in one or even just got out of one that you made the commitment to keep going.

 

But I would say that short of you losing interest in relationships altogether to never discount the possibility of finding someone you can be satisfied with. I'm sure I don't need to say that while you should have high standards you shouldn't expect them to be perfect in your eyes. It's not good to define someone before you meet them, ESPECIALLY if you are going to compare them to relationships of the past. This includes good AND bad relationships. You don't want them feeling like they can't compete with some other guy's definition of what it means to be a good partner but it's equally as unfair to think "oh they are doing this just like the other one, they must be the same type of person."

 

That was all kinds of convoluted but I hope my point got across.

 

Chin up and never lose hope. This goes to you, Celestial Wish, as well as anyone else in this position: If you have a dream that involves marriage and a future with kids, don't give up on it. You may not have any immediate results, hell you may not meet someone until you're late 30s or 40s, but so long as you live on this earth you have all the time in the world to meet someone who fits all your criteria. Just remember to be a little tolerant of the things you don't like so much if they fit the bill in other ways you care about.

 

I know we've only talked a little but you are a lovely person to talk to. Your time will come. If you have to, take some time to heal from past relationships. Come to terms with all of your emotional baggage involving relationships, past and future, so that you can be the best person you can be when you do meet someone.

 

Humans have a way of making their desires and dreams coming true so long as they continue to dream it. If your dream means so much to you I implore you to never give up on it. Never let go of that part of yourself as it can help you to become a better person as well as give you goals for your life.

 

Now I'm just rambling but remember this: Life is what you make of it. Don't let some preconceived definition of love and romance get in the way of your own romance. It's not anyone's story but your own to create.

Edited April 6, 2014 by Discordian

[Guest90210 3,567]

There's 7 billion people in the world. There's bound to be someone perfect for everyone out there somewhere. Finding that person on the other hand will only happen if you're determined and lucky.

[Envy 5,996]

Well, I don't believe in fate, so I don't think that there is any such thing as "the one". However, in our lifetimes we are very likely to run into one person that will give us that feeling. This is probably partially because we are raised to believe that there is somebody who is 'the one' for us and when we happen to find somebody that we are super-compatible with (which is very rare), we assign that label to them.

 

It's weird to think about it this way, I know... But I've certainly felt like I've found 'the one', and in thinking deeper about it, I had to question why I still had this belief that there actually is 'the one' when I don't believe in fate. It actually makes sense to me now.