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Blog #2: Responsibility


J-Rusty

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I am not a very responsible person. I am so irresponsible, in fact, that I could write a blog about it.
I take no responsibility for what is said in this blog.

 

Responsibility is a weird thing: it is an abstract concept of relying on one thing, to do some other thing, which something in some form has asked something to do. For humans, it is obvious: "I have the responsibility of picking this fruit so that my tribe gets food," or "I have the responsibility of not wearing green pants with a red shirt, because that is hideous." This is obvious because - as is commonly accepted - humans are exceedingly stupid. So stupid in fact, that it is the only known creature in the entire universe who can form a defining concept of what stupidity is, and still go ahead and do exactly that very thing which is considered stupid.So it should come to no surprise that we also invented the term responsibility, only to throw it in the bin because we didn't feel like playing with it at the time.

 

The interesting part about responsibility, however, lies not in the term - it lies in the concept. Humans didn't create the concept. The concept exists in almost every living and social creature: "I help the pack to hunt, I get food," or "I help the hunt to pack, and it'll be on the next plane to Ohio." It's all about survival: "if I'm bad for myself, I'm bad for the pack and soon dead, so I do not help hunt to go away." For lesser life-forms it's more simple: "I eat, or I die." As you can see, responsibility is always, in one form or another, forced upon us - even if it is something as trivial as eating.

 

Why am I talking about this?
Well, I recently was very irresponsible, by trying to be too responsible: "If I help pack hunt, we get food, but if I hunt instead of pack, pack can focus on better things!"
It might sound harmless enough, until you realize that the reason the pack hunted together, was because it was the best and sometimes only way to get food. So after that, I felt like a complete fool - which I should: I'm only human after all.

 

I also, as it happens, have a very strong shame drive. I feel awfully embarrassed and sometimes useless after having been corrected by the pack, even though it isn't a big deal in the big whole. The reason to why I react so strongly, and have this huge shame-drive, is because I also have a problem with egoism. It is very easy for me to build myself up as being mature, responsible and just generally being the centre of other people's lives, which is why I often feel as if a mistake on my behalf will have long lasting and negative repercussions - which leads to me feeling a huge responsibility to myself and everyone around me. Of course, I know this not to be directly true, but it is a part of my subconscious and possibly even my personality, so it seems to affect me even though my logical circuits is very sure to tell me that I'm just a regular person who leaves a marginal impact on most people's lives at best.

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