Sign in to follow this  
  • entries
    20
  • comments
    65
  • views
    7528

Entries in this blog

 

My favorite thing about Mass Effect: Andromeda

I really love the fact that you can choose to spend an assload of resources simply to disable traction control on the Nomad and become a drifting legend.   Honorable mention: the game spawning NPCs in a mile off during dialogue and cutscenes so that scenes supposed to contain them now feature a nice section of wall paneling accompanied by distant, unintelligible speaking.

Yamato

Yamato

 

Pony shoes

Figured y'all would get a kick outta these kicks. Bought 'em a week ago, just arrived in the mail yesterday. Pretty damn comfy if I do say so myself...  

Yamato

Yamato

 

Such is My Life...

>buys microwave burritos
>instructions on package say "microwave for 1 minute 15 seconds"
>set microwave for 1 minute 20 seconds
>80 seconds later microwave beeps
>fuck yeah, burrito time
>grab plate
>plate is hotter than the deepest pits of hell
>scream in agony
>don't let go because burritos
>plate is literally melting both itself and my hand
>make it to table
>take bite of burrito
>mfw it's ice cold  

Yamato

Yamato

 

Proof That Ball is Indeed Life

It is widely known that Shrek=Love and Shrek=Life.   From this picture:

It can be seen that Ball=Shrek.   This implies that Ball=Life.   Interestingly, this also implies that Ball=Love. What's the significance of this?
I'll leave you to decide.

Yamato

Yamato

 

A message to all of you.

You thought that I had forgotten about it, that it would all blow over without so much as a whisper... You thought you could escape it...   YOU WERE WRONG.   In the Annals of Time it was written that a great day would come, and on this day all of Mankind would pay tribute and there would be much jubilation, for something most amazing would have occurred. But, it was also written that this day would bring great sorrow to the kingdoms of men with the knowledge that such wonder must come to an end and will never be seen on this Earth again.     That day is my Second Forum-versary. That day is today. Rejoice.

Yamato

Yamato

 

Hats!

Yeah, it's a blog about hats! Exactly what the title makes it sound like. Anyway, I have found that one can often tell a lot about a person's personality by the type of headwear they don. I have taken the liberty of making a handy-dandy, albeit short, guide to hat-induced personalities for your enjoyment!   Let's kick things off with the pakol. . The pakol, especially when worn by men named Derek, signifies an individual with poor decision making capabilities. This is the kind of person who would yell "FIRE!" in a theatre or drive a cargo truck through a minefield.   Next, the trilby.     *sigh* It isn't great... I think we all already know how this one works.   Which brings us to the fedora.     The fedora often gets confused with the above trilby, the difference being brim size. To clear things up, Indiana Jones and Al Capone wore fedoras. The trilby is often frequented by, well, you know...   Flat brims.     I have yet to meet a person wearing a flat brim who didn't turn out to be a colossal scumbag. It's something about the brim being flat. If the brim has been bent, the effect is nullified, and the characteristics are closer to that of our next hat...   THE TRUCKER HAT.     Notice the bent brim. This is crucial to the effect. This is the hat of a man who drives for a living, leaving behind not only many a defective tire tread on the pavement, but also much of his life. Alternatively, they are worn by men who inhabit that most noble of domicile, the trailer home. The personality of a trucker-hatter is often hard to nail down, ranging from kind guardians of the road to belligerent trailer dweller. In short, the wearer of the trucker hat represents the true embodiment of America. That is, varied and proud.     The cowboy hat.     The hat that defined the West. Not so popular today as it used to be, but it still has quite the following in states such as Oklahoma and Texas. Worn by men who work for a living, take pride in their work, and drive pickup trucks.   The bush hat.     This type of hat, especially one with the band of alligator teeth, is the hat of MEN. Wearers of this type of hat wrestle giant spiders, ride kangaroos, and drink snake venom for breakfast. THEY PUT LUMBERJACKS TO SHAME.   Lastly, the Fez.   Not this Fez...   This fez.   Fezzes are not cool. They're worn by Shriners and old people in "secret societies".   So yeah, that's that. Keep in mind that all this constitutes an opinion. However, the difference between my opinion and your opinion is that mine's right.

Yamato

Yamato

 

END DISCRIMINATION

AS WE ALL KNOW, DISCRIMINATION PLAYS AN UNFORTUNATELY LARGE ROLE IN OUR SOCIETY. IT DIMINISHES OPPORTUNITIES, IT CAN LEAD TO UNEQUAL PAY, AND IT HAS ARGUABLY BEEN THE CAUSE OF MORE CONFLICT THAN ANY OTHER FACTOR. RIGHT NOW YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING "WHY THE FUCK IS THIS GUY WRITING IN ALL CAPS?" WELL, I AM OF THE OPINION THAT ANY ATTEMPT TO END DISCRIMINATION IS POINTLESS SO LONG AS WE ALLOW A CERTAIN HEINOUS, SUBCONSCIOUS DISCRIMINATION TO CONTINUE. WHAT IN GOD'S HOLY NAME AM I BLATHERING ON ABOUT? ALPHABET DISCRIMINATION.   EVER SINCE THE GREEKS CREATED THEIR ALPHABET, THERE HAVE BEEN UPPERCASE AND LOWERCASE LETTERS. FOR ALL OF THIS TIME, THE LOWERCASE LETTERS HAVE GOTTEN THE SHORT END OF THE STICK, NOT BEING "GOOD ENOUGH" TO BEGIN SENTENCES OR PROPER NOUNS. TAKE A AND a FOR EXAMPLE. DO THEY NOT MEAN THE SAME THING? DO THEY NOT MAKE THE SAME SOUND? WHY, THEN, SHOULD ONE BE TREATED AS INFERIOR TO THE OTHER? I THEREFORE POSIT THAT ALL LOWERCASE LETTERS SHALL FROM HENCEFORTH BE THROWN OUT. THE ONLY SOLUTION TO SUCH DISCRIMINATION IS HOMOGENIZATION.   I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, "THIS IS INSANE, LETTERS CAN'T FEEL DISCRIMINATION!". AND YOU'RE RIGHT, THEY CAN'T. BUT DOES THAT SOMEHOW MAKE IT MORALLY RIGHT? JUST THINK OF THE DISCRIMINATORY MINDSET NEEDED TO CREATE AND MAINTAIN SUCH A SYSTEM. IT'S SICKENING, REALLY. IF WE ARE SO QUICK TO JUDGE A LETTER'S WORTH BY ITS SIZE, MIGHT WE NOT ALSO USE THE SAME SUBCONSCIOUS PROCESS TO JUDGE THE WORTH OF OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS?

Yamato

Yamato

 

Three Reasons I Love the Original Mass Effect

Recently, I found my old copy of Mass Effect and embarked upon my sixth playthrough with my original character, thus making it one of only three games that I have ever re-played more than five times (the other two being Mercenaries and Seek and Destroy). This got me to thinking, "Why the hell do I enjoy this game so much?" Here's my top three reasons.     1. The M35 Mako   The M35 Mako is arguably one of the most badass fictional vehicles ever for the sole reason that it simply cannot be stopped. The only terrain a Mako can't traverse is a 90º cliff face or upside-down. On top of that, its 155 mm mass accelerator cannon makes a very nice conversation piece when it isn't blowing Geth into oblivion. But the magic of the Mako isn't simply in its qualifications, it also resides in the abilities it grants you. It allows you to explore planets, fight baddies who would normally kick your ass into next Tuesday, and just generally muck about, thereby adding a smattering of carefree attitude to an otherwise serious game.     2. The Weapons   There really wasn't that much weapon variety in this game as far as styling goes, only two body types per weapon class and only a handful of colors. I'll admit that the guns in this game are grossly out-styled by the guns in ME2 and ME3. However, two things that make me love the weapons in the original Mass Effect. The first is not just that you can mod the ever-loving shit out of them, but also the sheer ridiculousness that said mods spawn. Put two Scram Rails and explosive rounds on a shotgun and you've got yourself a one-shot wonder capable of taking down all but the toughest of enemies with a single spread. Two Frictionless Materials mods on an assault rifle gives you the capability to unleash an endless, unholy maelstrom of bullets upon your enemies, which is a lovely segue into the second thing: infinite ammunition. As far as ammunition went, the only thing this game asked was that you occasionally pause your river of bullets to allow your gun to cool down. Even then you could still tell the game to go fuck itself with the aforementioned mods. All in all, a wonderful weapons system. Shame they broke it in ME2...   3. You better watch him, he's a shifty bastard...   One of my favorite easter eggs ever. It's simply a space cow that advances towards you and steals your money, but only when your back is turned. Located way the hell out in the absolute middle of nowhere, the only thing distinguishing this klepto-cow from any other space cow is that handy nameplate on your HUD. There's truly no point to its existence, but it makes me laugh every time.     Anyway, that's all I got. I may or may not do one of these on the other two games I mentioned. Depends on how bored I get, I suppose.

Yamato

Yamato

Sign in to follow this