Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They appro
In Canada we have been blessed with a national police force, the famous Royal Canadian Mounted Police or "Mounties". Although most are good people, some are a bit arrogant and often the brunt of jokes leveled at the by other agencies.
Two Calgary City cops are killed in a gunfight and find themselves standing at the back of the line to see St. Peter.It gets pretty boring after a while and they decide to find out what's taking so long and stroll up the line. As they approach St.Peter,a scarl
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
So my friends and family are at our apartment, and cary brings up the personal question; "David? why don't you get a girlfriend?" I answer with this,
"Because i don't want one, Cary." Then comes my brother with this little question,
"Are you afraid of women or something?" I decide to humor him and reply,
"Why no, danny, the girls just love me.", of course this was sarcasm on my part.
Then comes this by Katie, "David, you know it not going to be that bad." Of course i wasn't amuse
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*
This one may not be a joke, but still gets me laughing at it. These guys have a great channel to watch, but sometimes the pranks go too far or end badly for them. Just glad they didn't get arrested or fined for wasting their time.
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb strapped to my back.
I have a nasty plan
for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A,
but not through checkpoint B.
That's when I got shot in the ass
by the US Military
Ooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
Mine blew up you see.
Where are all the virgins
that Bin Laden promised me?
Ooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
U.S. soldiers shot me dead.
The only thing that I have left
is this towel up on my head.
I used to be a man,
but every
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures on the wall and just hit his thumb with the hammer." said Little Johnny through his tears.
"That's not so serious." soothed his mother. "I know your upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.
The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to come down to the police station to study a line up of five people. He placed his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward and say, "Give me all your money...and i need change in quarters, dimes and nickels". The first four did it right, however,when it was the last man's turn to recite, he broke the case by blurting out, " That's not what I said."
1. Only in America... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... Are the handicap spots in front of the skating rink.
3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick go to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4.Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries and a diet coke.
5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then ch
A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you the doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, i am."
The baby said.
Thank you for taking such good care of me during my birth." he said.
He then looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, i am." she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before i was born." he said.
He then looked a
A new lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine.
The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked,
"What's that noise?"
At a local cafe, a young woman was expounding on her idea of a perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man i marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical, tell jokes, sing and stay home at night."
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"