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Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky
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About this blog

A place for my thoughts, feelings, rants, etc.

Entries in this blog

my descent.

I have been gone for quite some time. There has been much on my plate, and it has been extremely overwhelming physically and mentally. Believe me when I say that life has taken it's toll on me harder than I ever imagined it would. I'm tired. Tired of the vicious cycle that is depression and anxiety. An endless fight against my own head to just fucking function. Stress has become my life. Misery is the only frame of mind that I have lived within for some time now. Pressure formed mountainous wall

DuskSong

DuskSong

crestfallen

i'm tired of being tired, of being sad, hopeless, lost... i'm tired of being in the same fucking state of mind i've been in for the past two and a half years. Have you ever been so caught up in your own head and emotions that you've completely forgotten who you are and lost touch with the world around you? I'm at that point again. Despite the anti-depressants, despite the therapy, my supportive friends, all of that, I still haven't gotten back to the happy and hopeful spirit I had year

DuskSong

DuskSong

[Poem] Wandering

The moon rises, I'm growing to fear it Darkness serving as a reminder that I haven't escaped this pit Wondering how the flame that once burned bright is now barely lit Silence fills the empty space around me, I grow tired and my mind wanders Wandering... full of questions and regret and pain Didn't even notice my tears that began to rain down Can't even fake a smile, at this point- it's a permanent frown How did this happen? I used to be a king with a crown

DuskSong

DuskSong

my worst enemy is myself. (Trigger Warning)

(Trigger Warning: Mental illness & suicidal themes) I had always been a bit more prone to worry than anyone else I knew. Constantly thinking about the future since I was a kid, up late at night wondering about the possibilities of every potential path. I thought nothing of that mental behavior. Middle school wasn't hard at all, but I was still shy, afraid of what people thought, embarrassed when any attention was brought upon myself. My whole family has issues with some sort of mental i

DuskSong

DuskSong

this is me.

"I've got the whole world in front of me, I'm not letting go till I say!" ~ Sleeping With Sirens I'm finding these days get shorter and shorter as I get older. Hell, it's been 2 years since 2016 already, how implausible is that? I think the only stable, constant thing in my life for a while has been change. It's been a year since I cut my hair short and re-styled it. At the time, it didn't seem like a huge thing to me apart from physical appearance and the fact that I really wanted a new cu

DuskSong

DuskSong

last resentment, released.

The only stormy cloud over my head right now is one that I should've addressed long ago, and writing is the best way for me to do that, so here we go. I still have resentment in me, long after I left, even as I found someone who makes my mood great just by looking at her. I've seen that you hooked up with multiple guys after I left you. I saw that you lied about the things you claimed to have done the night I left. You claimed that you just wanted attention. You never let me have space. You

DuskSong

DuskSong

A Story In The Dusk

I've been through more than I would say the average kid around my area has. Family issues I can't really talk about or go too indepth about, heartbreak, loss, being completely alone, missing out on your younger years, etc. I'm 16. I know, I'm still young, but damn, I matured a lot in 2017 and learned some big lessons. You could ask me to look in a mirror and see my year-old reflection in a mirror, and I wouldn't recognize the dude. It's funny, I actually saw a picture of me from 2016 when I was

DuskSong

DuskSong

what could happen

"...Three words. That's all you have to do to make your dreams come true. So why not try? Are you afraid of losing a friend if it goes wrong?" "I am." "Don't worry about that, it's obvious that she likes you. Just say it. Everything worth doing is going to have a risk associated with it." After hearing that, my mind filled with all the thoughts of what could be if I confessed my love and what the future may look like. Late at night, she's cuddling up close to me on the couch

DuskSong

DuskSong

diverging paths

At a younger age, I had always thought that I would be the one who didn't deal with losing old friends or growing apart from people that I assumed would be there forever. High school was completely demolished my previous expectations and assumptions about how life would play out as we all gained freedom and found what we each enjoyed doing, and thus followed those paths in our education. 9th wasn't much different, considering we were in STEM based core classes, but a river of new faces and choic

DuskSong

DuskSong

love left unspoken

i'm so badly in love. with this post, i think i've been able to explain how i genuinely feel. I'm floating in a void with a dark descent below me, but a bright light above, and if I want to reach that light, I have to make an extremely risky move. What do you expect me to do? I've got friends pushing me to ask you out, and I am terrified of what may happen. The question in my head is how did I let my walls break down so quickly? I built them high after the last girl, I'm so fucking afraid t

DuskSong

DuskSong

Anxieties

I'm doing great now, and life is good. But my mind won't let me feel okay, and family doesn't make it better. New hobbies, new music, more friends, life is good. Except a few things. I'm flying out for a vacation early tomorrow morning and I have so many feelings and thoughts running through my mind. It's hard to enjoy these vacations when 2 of my family members will get drunk at a restaurant pretty much every day, my whole family bothers me and I get singled out a lot. They'll purposely do

DuskSong

DuskSong

Music Monday #3 - I'm There

Hello and welcome back to Music Monday, where I discuss songs/albums/artists and explain them! Today I'll be going over a softer, romantic song that I find to be one of my favorites in this band's discography. This is I'm There by Hey Violet.     Lyrics: This song is about falling in love when you aren't usually the type to do so, and trying to convince the person you're in love with to give you a chance and be together. It's a great song to listen to when you fin

DuskSong

DuskSong

A Retrospective

My biggest problem with high school is the internal struggle between fitting in and also not caring. I'm not the usual type of person at school. I dress differently, listen to different music and I'm very selective with my friends. I know most would probably care if I went to them looking for advice or someone to vent to, but my anxiety prevents that. It haunts me and makes me feel annoying for ever talking to someone about problems I have. Thankfully, I know the people I'm around like being aro

DuskSong

DuskSong

Letting Go

...We've all got to let go at some point, right?   Lately it feels like I'm just repeating the same things, the same frustration that hasn't faded, the same resentment that won't go away. And I think I've finally figured it out. For years of my life, I've resorted to having a hard outer shell and being mad as a wall because I didn't want to let people in or let my emotions out. Well I'm going to say something, and any males reading this especially, listen up: It's okay to be emotional

DuskSong

DuskSong

MM#2 - Too Many Faces

Hello and welcome back to Music Monday, where I discuss songs/albums/artists and explain them! Today I'll be going over another song by a band that has broken up and the remaining members formed the band now known as Hey Violet. This is Too Many Faces by Cherri Bomb off of their album titled "This Is The End of Control".   Lyrics This song seems to be based around taking down someone who is fake and can't keep their stories straight - an all too true story to relate t

DuskSong

DuskSong

unrecognized reflections

(not an advice blog this time around, needed to vent today) I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore, the same face, same person who has the same personality. And in that, I discovered myself again.   For too many years I cared too much about reputation and damaged my own trying to be someone I wasn't. For too long I took myself too seriously and acted too cool to hang out with others. With my endless pursuit of trying to gain acceptance and grow my circle, I went

DuskSong

DuskSong

Music Monday #1 - Careful

As a person who is a huge music addict, I want to start up a series of blog posts where I discuss a song per week, explain it's lyrics and why it has meaning to me. Today, we're starting with a great song from Paramore's 3rd studio album "Brand New Eyes" titled Careful. Lyrics: To start, I'm gonna explain the lyrics and some interpretations of each part of the song. "I settled down a twisted up frown Disguised as a smile, well You would have never known" The

DuskSong

DuskSong

Looking Out for Yourself

I told myself I could handle it all... Be her savior. Fix her scars. It broke me, and I lost myself trying to save someone else. I should've listened when they told me to save myself. Today, I thought I'd make a blog to vent some past frustrations and maybe help out a few fellow forum members who may be stuck in a situation that I was in months ago. The topic for this blog is self-care, knowing when you need to value your own health over someone who may be important to you. Losing your happ

DuskSong

DuskSong

Musical Influence

I've been getting more into music lately and expanding my library of what I listen to, and I've had a lot of time alone to think lately. Something I've wanted to write about that hasn't left my thoughts is this: Why is music so influential and moving? It was just another night, laying on my bed staring the ceiling singing along to a track off of Brand New Eyes, "You can't tell me to heal. And, it hurts remembering, how it felt to shut down" which has become a recent favorite of mine as it's

DuskSong

DuskSong

oh hey

I haven't forgotten this website. Hey! My name is 'Dusk Nova', it seems. I made this account around the 5th or 6th grade back when I was heavily into MLP. I watched up to around mid season 4. Even as my interest in the show dwindled, the community here was always awesome and generally a nice place to visit in my afternoons and make dumb blog posts about whatever it was I was obsessed with at the time. I quit this website back in the 7th grade, right as the school year drew to a close. Hones

DuskSong

DuskSong

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