In this blog entry I wanted to discuss what DPD is, and what a developmental delay means. These are both things I have a live around and cope with, and I wanted to write a post about them to help people better understand me or gain some insight into why I am the way I am, etc. I hope you’ll keep an open mind while reading this, and perhaps learn something new! What is DPD?: DPD stands for “Dependent personality disorder”. This disorder makes it so that a person is more likely to encourage or need someone else to make their life decision’s for them, they need a person to be their “dependent”, the person who makes their decisions and sort of cares for them similar to how one might care for a child (in my case at least), they often are unable to argue with or make any sort of demands from this person out of fear of losing them considering they feel they need their dependent to survive, they feel very anxious and helpless when left alone because they feel they are unable to care for themselves, they are generally very passive and self-defeating. Essentially, it is a disorder that gives one an intense pathological fear that they will die if left alone, and they need someone to take care of and make important choices for them. For me, this person is my fiance. He has no problem with and even seems to enjoy being able to handle my money for me, make important decisions for me, talk to authority figures for me and generally hold my hand and allow me to feel relaxed in knowing that I will not die of neglect because I have someone to care for me. What is a developmental delay?: This term generally refers to a child who is not physically or mentally where they should be in comparison to other children, however I did not have this problem since childhood it began after the abuse I suffered in my early teens. Though it is more attached to my PTSD, I still call it this because it essentially functions the same way. A lot of people mistake me for far, far younger than my physical age. On a forum I use regularly which requires one to be 18 to join, originally I had an account when I was 18 and I was banned because I look young. I am 20 years old now and still appear around 12, I cannot help the way I look and I am not ashamed of it, so I wish people would stop treating me unfairly or unkindly because of it. As far as emotional and mental maturity, I am very much prone to enjoy childish things. I love my little pony, lady lovelylocks, rainbow brite and other childrens programs. I love going to Disney world and allowing myself to be as a child, and my room is full of toys from furreal friends to expensive dolls. My family, my true friends and my fiance all accept and love me regardless and do not think me any less of a person because of it. These are things that effect me every day, they effect how I preform in college or at work (I’m soon to be on disability, however), they effect how I think and behave and feel and how I live my life. They are not things I will ever be able to run away from, but they are things I can learn to work with/around, and with the understanding of the people around me I can come to have a beautiful life regardless of these things. I want to explain these things because I want, more than anything else in life, for people to understand and be tolerant towards people like me, and the mentally ill in general. I want “Different” to stop meaning “Bad”. Thank you for reading.
Well I had a really bad night last night But it wasn't all bad I suppose! I'm making this post to vent mostly but also for advice (Though I'll probably post about the advice thing in the advice forum later.. ) Pieces of a broken up tropical storm were happening all last night (and still today) here, I ride my bike to work and I couldn't get a ride so I had tried to ride with my umbrella to keep me slightly dry (It doesn't really work when the rain is like.. sideways) But the wind kept catching my umbrella and it wasn't working so I just continued without it, by the time I got to work I was completely soaked so one of my bosses lent me her sweater so my mine could dry off a bit, but when she left she had to take it back and my sweater was still wet and I knew wearing it around a cold store would make me sick So between like 2am-5am it was just me, one male coworker and the manager, when she went into her office it was just he and I. I'm very anti-social irl and I don't like to talk, and I feel weird without a sweater to cover my body because my uniform is about 2-3 sizes too big and hangs really loosely, I had bent over a counter to text and he made a comment that I was fat Something else is that I have an eating disorder, I purge a lot when I'm at work because being around lots of food and not having good self control, I binge A LOT and then I HAVE to get rid of it. I had literally just come back from the bathroom when he commented that my ass was fat, he followed up with profusely "Omg I was just joking~ I wasn't serious" but isn't that STILL sexual harassment? It just kind of was awful to have just purged and then have someone call you fat.. Anyway, I put my sweater back on even though it was damp, and on the way to my bike when I went to leave (I had to stay 3 hours more than scheduled) the flooding was like up to my ankles so that sucked... But!! I tend to look on the bright side of things, and I took many pictures of the sky this morning!
First everything was yellow! It was so weird!
The sky changed colors many times, but I took these two:
And finally, I saw a rainbow! And that made me feel a lot better
I stopped by a flooded area on my way home to listen to the froggies sing for a while too.. Anyway ;;
Well I haven't been here in a while so I wanted to make a post about my life and what's been new with me.
Basically, my recovery is going smoothly! I haven't been on in a bit because I've started school/work again so I'm really busy, but I'm starting to feel physically better every day! My mental health is another story but I'm seeing a psychiatrist next month so that's good..
Anyway, my fiance joined the forum! His profile is here It's rather barren but I expect he'll be more active later on
His art is really amazing! Lately I've been encouraging him to draw ponies so he can open them here too!!
Anyway please check out his art ;; That's about it for now.
With the new things I got today I thought I'd take a picture of my small pony collection! It isn't much but it still makes me so happy!
The great and powerful Trixie.. can't stand up on her own so she's levitating on top of a ramune bottle |D All my little background ponies are over there with her!
These two little fillies are gossiping it seems
Princess Twilight and Rarity are over here being beautiful together
Corner of me.
Corner of best pony (Duh)
and my other two favorite ponies!!
Last but not least, Princess Cadence and Shining armor!
Today is world fashion day, but it also happened to be the day I went out for tea for my birthday, but I thought Rarity would approve of my fashion choices!
The tea party was wonderful and delicious, I particularly liked the decorations!
I also got lots of mlp presents today!~
The Fluttershy piggybank is the best thing ever!~ I'm very very happy!!~
I haven't been feeling well lately, I've been quite sick and recently had a medical procedure that was sort of hard on me, but while I was in recovery many fans of my blog drew my Ponysona for me and I wanted to share the drawings!!!
This is what she looks like:
And here's all the wonderful art I received!! It made me so happy I just had to share it!
It's the box set of the first season of my favorite anime, Chuunibyou! I took tons of pictures of all the stuff it came with!!
Those are all pictures of the outside case/ the little box that was full of postcards and other things!!
These last ones are my most favorites!! I plan to put a lot of these in my scrapbook ;;
I put the keychain on my wallet, it's' totally cute!!!
This book is full of concept art and stuff about all the characters and it's just totally awesome!!
And here's these! One is Bluray and one is DVD!
And the last special thing it came with was this, Rikka's eyepatch!:
It's so cool and I love it so much!! There were more cards and stuff, and I took more pictures, you can see all of them here
Today I had to have a medical procedure which required me to be put under anesthesia for a few hours, It was my first time ever needing that and my first time even needing an IV so it was.. A big day for me I suppose!! Firstly I was really nervous in the room because it was really bright and there were lots of nurses running around and I didn't know what to expect but they let my mom come and sit with me and that made me feel a lot better, when she went to put the IV in she first tried on a vein on the side of my hand which hurt really bad and ended up not working, all it did was bleed lots and now swell up and turn into a bad bruise D: so then she had to put it in my hand, it made me cry but my mom held my hand and showed me funny stuff on her phone ^^ My mom is a lot like Pinkie Pie and is really good with helping me laugh during scary situations, once the IV was actually in it didn't hurt at all and I realized I was crying over nothing ;;
Baby's first IV ;;
I started panicking in the operating room because they put this thing around my head that like forced my mouth open (my jaw hurts now ;; ) but at the same time the anesthesiologist put his needle into my IV and I blacked out, when I woke up I was back with my mom! I received nice messages when I came home and got back on my blog
Also, one of my friends on my blog drew this picture of my ponysona for me as a get well soon present and I absolutely love it!!
And lastly my fiance drew this portrait of me:
It's based off of this photo:
I'm feeling much better! I'm still sleepy from the Anesthesia but I'm doing better!!!
I already knew today wasn't going to be the best birthday I've ever had, I'm extremely sick and I've been bed ridden for weeks, because of a medical procedure scheduled tomorrow I was unable to eat today and instead I've spent the last two days taking a gross medicine that tasted like sea water (I had to drink 3 liters of it) It made my stomach hurt a lot and I spent 99% of the day crying, falling asleep for a bit, then crying again ;; I barely left my bed and when I did it was to relapse, which I'm quite ashamed of. I felt very disappointed today and very frustrated and angry and sad, and that's certainly no way to spend your birthday, so I'm trying to sweep all of that under the rug and focus on the good things that happened today, and the good things I have to look forward too!
Firstly, My mother bought me a really cute Pinkie pie!:
And I also received a ton of nice messages on my blog: This positive attention really helped me, even if it was only online, I don't have any irl friends so I haven't actually hung out with friends or had a birthday party in several years, but having so many people send me wonderful messages online made me feel a lot better! I was happy so many people acknowleged me.
Most of my presents haven't arrived yet, but the best present of all today was a beautiful letter my fiance wrote for me, I don't want to share it because it's super personal, but it's amazing how a few kind words can really make someones day a whole lot brighter!!
Anyway, earlier on in the day I would've declared this the absolute most horrible birthday of my life, but when I finally pushed all those negative feelings aside and focused on the positive, I realized it wasn't so bad after all!
The seller of stars is my favorite song, because it's all about dreams and beautiful wishes and things, so I named my blog after it because I want this blog to be all about positive happy things ;; Pretty things and hopes and dreams ;; If I had a power, it would be the ability to take people's sadness away, and make their dreams a reality ;; I try every day to spread positivity as far as I can, and encourage people to be happy even when things seem really bad, because I've had to do that often in my life ;; Anyway, I'm chronically ill and currently I've been bed ridden for weeks, but I've managed to stay happy this whole time, even when it's really hard! I thought making a blog to keep track of my progress, and blog about how I manage to stay positive, and I don't know, post recipes and pretty pictures and things from my life might make someone else happy ;;
If I can make one other person happy with my blog, then I'll feel like I have accomplished something!
So anyway ;; that's why I made a blog and stuff ;;