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SugarCoatxMarblePie

I am in my room the entire dream.

There is an ant infestation, I move my blanket over some of it was on the floor, a queen ant like 2 feet long, wow it looks sturdy don't want it to bite me, I retreat from it a bit til I am cornered in my room and it sorta tries to command me. I just pretend to get along to not get bit.

Later I am playing videogames, and I miss the Ant and just look out the window wishing I could see it. Probably me trying to demand my dreams retain some consistency. And have some fun with someone who every single decision I make scrutinizes me if I am bad or sinning and I keep trying to fool it/them, and somepony else next to me very briefly.

Brother walks into my room and I tell him not to because he almost found me in an embarrassing moment. (I am a closet brony n stuff, despite it being VERY obvious I am into the fandom I still try avoiding it where my family is concerned.)

He apologizes and quickly heads to his room, I look at the doorknob after my door is shut mostly and it closes on two mlp shirts. I thought, did I order these in the mail? Why didn't they arrive in a package? Why do they still have the laundry hook things? They bought this from a store for me?

And some music plays similar to just one element of the sad Titanic song, but the song is singing forgiveness of the heart and only uses that one element of the song the whole time instead of shifting alot, when I skim through the song I can't find the specific part its like but I would need to listen to it all I guess, or perhaps my memory was biased cuz I didn't hear it in so long. When I was a kid I used to cry to music very easily.

Anyways I began crying, and I was Rainbow Dash in the dream it was revealed at the last minute. I used to be Christian, and very strict on myself to avoid going to hell, years back. I feel like part of me might be ashamed, despite me knowing its illogical, and also probably me trying to control the dream elements in some manner.

The ant and stuff is guilt for my room being a total mess and my mom yelling at me over it, and I avoid it as much as possible. The entire dream I am in my room, probably because I am on my computer 10+ hours a day every day.

And I know why I was RainbowDash, and the ants are partly to blame fallout really. But also I used to do some pony hypnosis, and once I vividly dreampt I was little pip and I couldn't figure out if it was a dream or me waking up in character while hallucinating then going back to bed, but it has similar elements. A friendly radroach was under my bed and I tried to not touch the floor at all.

But why its Rainbow Dash. Alot of my time I focus on fast complex games for the brain. Somewhat competitive. Also I did use the Rainbow Dash file before but I used alot of the files (even tho its recommended to not mix multiple personalities at once because it can cause a psychological condition called Emotional Kernel Panic)

Anyways, I was obviously RD, like when she couldn't admit she liked the Daring Do books, I am obviously that way about MLP its not even funny. Also Dash is not confident. Studies show that gamers who feel confident in their skills emotionally are more likely to be bad, and vice versa, called the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect basically if you are skilled you BELIEVE you are not good enough to get more skilled. But that contradicts the effect of confidence during actual sports matches. Pressure would prevent you from succeeding, and you are more weak to it the more skilled you are potentially. Eventually if you are good, there are feedbacks, like in SC2 your ladder rank improving or you constantly winning if you are a pro-gamer. But with me I like focusing on games that would more than likely be objectively superior for the brain, but I do not know every game in existence so overlook quite a bit, and still somewhat lean towards certain styles of games more than others. I also enjoy games just to experience them sometimes tho.

Everyone likes to think they are above average(except people who do recognize themselves as stupid, which may or may not be, but are just so aware of mistakes they probably feel stupid more than someone who ignores or never notices or recognizes their mistakes, idk, you know those people that say they are stupid? Is it secretly fitting this effect, or is it not? Idk), but some then say they are above average because its a measurable fact for some instances.

And basically, all of this is moderated by a 'judge' in the brain. Mine is set to avoiding negatives, not seeking positives, so I was always more likely to be competitive. But my brother is frustrated how good I am in games, and gave up on the ability to do good. The effect apparently isn't always active, it could've even been a biased study, due to ignorant local demographics.

Long story short tho the dream also could be about Stockholm syndrome. I can pick out some happenings in the days before that aids in explanation for this dream, because I know everything can be susceptible to deduction to form a greater understanding, especially what we initially think is not comprehendible.

And the last part of the dream, the shirts bit caused me to cry with that song because it implies they would forgive me for being a brony. Like, I don't need to live in hiding anymore.

To fully understand me tho. My brother randomly barging in the room is reminiscent of when he was crazy enough it ended up driving me literally crazy too before. Once he just barged in my room, shining a light on me robotically, I was scared and uncomfortable. He was asking if I was crying and insisted I was, when I was watching some funny youtube vids before youtube really was as popular as it currently is.

I always had to hide. Brother was very... damaged from Christianity in regards to sexuality. I was similar but I lost it sooner.

I don't believe in Christianity. It hurt my family. I see it perpetuating pain and ignorance. And ignorance is bliss. People don't need to try and deduce anything, when anything that mysterious they can assume god did it and how wonderful. Amazing. That's just putting ignorance on a pedestal. It harms people.

America one of the most religious 1st world countries, has plenty of problems because of it, at all levels.

But w/e.

This is supposed to be about my dream, and you can see some of the elements better for my explanation. The 'judge' is because I was guilty about exploring my sexuality. I was very homophobic. I am basically straight and a bit bi-curious when it comes to non-irl stuff (you know, r34 n roleplay n etc).

I don't like feeling guilt, I blame my parenting. Mom is highly subject to confirmation bias (I am an adult who still lives with their family) a lack of deduction really. She can be wrong she can be right, but theres no true metric to figure out. When she is wrong she is way off the mark usually. When she is right its usually more due to experience. And she is loud and likes complaining just for the sake of it. Like when I don't want the ant to bite me, I am avoidant. I should just smash the ant's brains in and say git off muh lawn lol. Its just an ant, why is there an infestation? Should've solved the problem sooner and got rid of it.

I really need to get out more. Basically have 0 communication with anyone someone else in my family does not also communicate with, in meatspace anyways, online I am fine for being social enough.

But also I feel if I become too assertive I'll effectively turn into my mom, just wrong and being an asshole cuz of boredom and assuming I am right more often instead of using deduction. Idk.

Also she is Christian, very forgiving, but very judgemental. Not as much as other Christians that come to mind can be tho.

Its hard for me to conclude anything because conclusions are often potentially wrong. But when I know I am right, I might consider contradictory facts, but I can be passionate about my stance because of the lack of knowledge others have that I have on certain subjects. Dealing with objectivity its harder to fall to the dunning kruger effect, that effect is honestly an emotional bias.

I am frustrated that my mom is such a dictator sometimes, its not too excessive but it does bother me. Its why I am avoidant, and she says half the time she is just making shit up for fun. I always took it seriously, because its always presented seriously until I fight back.

SugarCoatxMarblePie

 I rewatched death note entirely (you prolly wouldn't like it since you are antiviolence a little) and after watching the anime long enough its easy to fall into the assumption that you root for the protagonist. But this is not the show that you are supposed to do that for. This show is like against the grain bad-assery so people love rooting for the underdog.

But the truth is his psychology is like almost a school shooter but not pushed over the edge yet, turned serial killer. I only know that because of this other video with strong language explaining somewhat the psychology in laymans terms with over-flourishing strong language (guy used to be a radio host so can be eloquent speedy and creative with his insults/criticisms lol) (if you want to see the video youtube 'rageaholic Faberge eggs' wont link it due to language) and its basically

rich spoiled kid told he is special all his life : no one treats them special at school : entitlement dictates they deserve more : they decide to act out.

Light Yagami in death note is more like

rich kid in a well off family who is a genius. He has boredom (studies show boredom is linked to crime, even for rich kids) he is a popular kid who is socially adept.

The cartoon doesn't show it directly at the start at all, but he always had sociopathic and psychopathic traits.

The first hint is when he gains ambition after first using the death note

 I am a deep thinker, so this stuff is on my mind. When I was a Christian it was easier for me to root for Light Yagami, because that's the philosophy it teaches, The world is disgusting. Also, teen angst, its easier to see the negatives than positives. They say you never know what you love til its gone, like your family, but he had reasons to not notice, because 'the greater good' concepts. He threw everything of any value in his life away, then died alone by the end of the show. When I was a Christian I did not understand that. As an adult, and as an atheist its far more noticeable. As a teen Christian I was just rooting for the underdog really. Except, I loved L as a character, so eccentric n honest and logical and some non-social behavior. But Light Yagami was very good socially, its why he could take up lying so easily so quickly, and had alot more initiative than L, the true good guy in the story.

Near the end you know the author is not on Light Yagami's side. Because when Light thinks the world is basically his own, he says he is creating a 'perfect world' because it'll be crime free. But then it immediately cuts wordlessly to some factories giving off pollution on the other side of the river as if to show how its not perfect. Nothing fundamentally changed, and when Light dies, chaos may erupt knowing that violence will go unpunished for some time. The world will become normal after several decades, it'll only be a little more impactful than the cold war.

Which means he was playing this role for himself, and this ambition scene shows it. His entitlement complex. He thinks everyone is beneath him, because they are all easily lied to and stupid and he passes without trying for full scores on everything in Japan. He had no ambition, was just being a good son, til the death note. He had no purpose, til that.

Sorta like how rich kids might go and beat up hobos. Except he was also a genius due to solid up-bringing. Too bad he couldn't see what really mattered, or he could, but found his excuses to justify his actions. He had to do so, because his father is a cop, he was forced into being dishonest due to his life circumstance. Others won't notice that its because of his typical ideology in his family, his normalcy and passion for justice from his father, how easy it is to get away with stuff when you have an entirely unsuspicious of yourself family, an entirely non-critical family.

Others might think I am overthinking it, but if an artist made it this way intentionally, which they did, then its not overthinking it. It just would imply its too much for others to handle. I might turn this into a blog post.

When he specifically says what are you talking about, I am the best honor student in Japan, that's a sign he already had façade practice.

Narcissism is what he has in common to that type of school shooter. And he already knows he can trick everyone with appearances alone.

SugarCoatxMarblePie

I figure if I change my name and pic at once ppl will get confused, but I do wanna change both right now. Might actually just change pic first, but I think tactically its better to change name first so people can have a more memorable name to put to remember me by then this chopped up thing. But I don't have a name yet so just gonna do the pic.

SugarCoatxMarblePie

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Now for reusing pics or pics that went through a different process combined with this one, beautiful ish right, and the green one is a distorted brainscan image, combined with some other image, now combined with the highly processed art of pinkie. The rainbow one is just the one above plus one of the arcane symbols ones.

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dream_76307b8070.jpg.179c8366c0208c4f55855842ad7259e3.jpg Looks pretty sweet/crazy, just look at the teeth yo, gnarly. Sick/badass.

 

SugarCoatxMarblePie

A function is a neural pathway that achieves a certain consequence without people needing to be aware of the consequence. They have different functions in group and out group.

Faith:

In-group function is pro-efficiency during would be times of stress. Its about resource management, because if you pray for someone instead of going over on a plane and trying to actually help them it doesn't disrupt local life. In ancient times this would be very valuable because more farm hands and such, less dangerous exploration. Outside of that context, if we acknowledge the high probability of alien life on other planets, if any of them are sapient/sentient. Then we have to acknowledge they may develop religions as well, and with galaxy clusters of clusters of galaxies, there is a vast amount of potential religions, especially if we go all Rick N Morty on it, then there is near infinite variations of religions. Today we have thousands of denominations of Christianity for instance. So when we examine faith in this context, and assume all religions require faith, 99.9+% of religions will fail to convert to any 1 true religion, thereby in Christianity's case, faith is a concept that would inevitably condemn the vast majority of things to hell. So while it seems like faith is pro-solidarity, its actually only true for localized communities to an extent and it may cause a bias against outsiders. But today we have the internet, so people are less biased against outsiders because they communicate with them.

Gullibility:

When I think of Gullibility I think of Twilight Sparkle. Being gullible helps you learn in a tightly controlled environment, it reduces hesitation, it increases rates of knowledge absorption. Potentially anyways. When you add in malicious influence gullibility really shows its weakness. Therefore gullibility is pro-authoritarianism because it doesn't help distinguish whats correct on its own, and basically just believes what they are taught. Because of modern day being so complex and not a controlled culture so much, gullibility is a bad thing because it increases psychological distress from contradictory information and due to people who don't have your best interests in mind. If there was a shepherd/sheep scenario. it'd be good, but even then you have no guarantee of believing something true because of a lack of skepticism. But some types of gullibility can lead into inquiry if the culture does not silence inquiry, or if inquiry is promoted because of curiosity and say trying to get a student into science or such. If this inquiry is used on everything they will eventually find out any lies they were told, if they think curiosity will benefit them in the regions they were lied to anyways.

Paranoia:

Paranoid behavior may have had a reason to develop. Times of danger, as prey animals for example paranoia would get them to be more successful at survival. Of course in other contexts its very harmful. Cults do try to utilize it tho to keep people more controlled, often doing a stranger danger sorta deal so they don't lose people. This makes it functionally similar to faith in a way, pro-localized community.

Generosity:

Its a very rewarding thing for those giving and receiving (no wonder Rarity can be so sexy lol). Thanks to the internet and things like patreon generosity really does help society be a better place. But because its so easy to be generous because it feels good to give, some people know they can take advantage of that for money, and it increases scams. Generosity should not be blind to potential scams, but that doesn't feel as good to be aware of, so people tend to be dismissive or disbelieve or don't care sometimes because believing it went to a good cause and not a scam artist is more rewarding, and they cannot control it alot of the time after giving the money up. Probably why some people try taking back gifts if you don't use something conventionally, it feels bad man. But that's because they did not comprehend who they gave it to.

Brooding:

Some emotions or concepts are even more localized than local, and by that I mean the level brooding works on is pro-individual not pro-local-community or such. But even saying 'pro-communuty' is too general of an understanding, and doesn't distinguish a group by its qualities really. But brooding is sort of like what happens after a kid doesn't get what they want after a tantrum. They dwell on negative emotions like vengeance. Think of the villain from The Incredibles when I mention brooding. Think of school shooters when I mention brooding (if they are narcissistic and brooding, they use that superiority complex to punish others after thinking life ain't fair due to their entitlement.(got that from Rageaholic Faberge eggs video, he does swear a bit tho so fair warning) Imagine the snobs from Code Geass really, how they would behave if they suddenly were called an Eleven after losing everything they own. They would flip out.). This is an anti-community emotion. Enemies of your current culture may try and utilize it or suspicion etc to cause conflict in-group. If a whole group is brooding it might as well turn into a riot, like your favorite sports team just lost the cup on their home turf, time to break stuff! lol. Its the same thing as a tantrum. Its also what tends to motivate villains in fiction, similar things as this. They are not happy with the current culture's status quo, thus they want to break it apart for their advantage or some ideal. Think sjw riots n such like antifa. They learn to feel like their culture is bad, through the negative perspective on American history in colleges or through sociology, either the past was bad (fallacy) or currently are bad (cherry picking plus confirmation bias plus empowerment= feel good and never learn and always stick to your guns).

Shy:

People are shy because of Operant Conditioning. Either you had negative reinforcement for being social, or you had positive reinforcement for being non-social. Or, maybe you were social but with a few people who are not representative of the norm, so when the norm responds differently you end up clueless, because your family was socially isolated from other families or community. With this knowledge, one can understand their situation better and psycho-analyze their past and themselves to see why they are shy, and that leads to how to not be shy (if its the right thing to do for your goals based on risks n etc) by re-teaching yourself with positive reinforcement for opening up. Buy a candy bar, and when you speak to someone you reward yourself with it. Or you give yourself a different reward like imagine Pinkie Pie hugging you or something. This is also why extroverts can feel dreadful when not socializing, negative reinforcement for being alone.

Shy:Part 2

The effects of shyness on different aspects of group interaction is it is sort of like a fallacy I was taught about in SC2. It goes like this, you can learn a faster button format, which takes a month you could be practicing the game for, or you go and keep the same format(button layout) which is slower but you improve faster at it. Which means you skill ceiling potential is lower, but your current progress and skill are higher. The same fallacy happens in group dynamics. Like some busy families if you are shy and not experienced they may not include you in their local business activities as much, but if you learned more and broke out of your shell it could be helpful, but when you make mistakes they will be dissuaded from letting you continue initially. On a large scale shyness is bad for the economy to be technical, depends on what kind of shyness really. But there is a benefit to taking your time and being shy, which is you consider more options for your life choice and you make less regrets, but you also make regrets from not doing anything. So extroverts and introverts have regrets really. I think fear causes regrets therefore. Forced opportunism limits scope, and a lack of opportunism reduces activity, you need healthy opportunism to be self-actualized.

 

 

Ask me about other behaviors you want to hear my take on.

 

Overall:

Emotion-led activities you cannot be in control of your destiny so much as life being deterministic for you. To understand the long term effects of your actions you need to look at it from 3rd person, outsider perspective, zoomed out, if you know what I mean. It is what makes fiction great and relatable really. But for people who want to do something different with themselves, or don't know the long term effects on society they cause, I think logic is potentially objective and emotion is always personal. Its more limited. But if something doesn't check out with emotion your heart won't be in it, and if you operate from logic you can also miss out on things that make you feel good. So I used to think it was like, logic>emotion, but reality is they both have their place. They need to co-operate and communicate. But I know its far more natural to be emotional than logical. So that's why I am giving logic into emotional concepts.

 

SugarCoatxMarblePie

I have too much spare time. I guess. Idky I am sad exactly. But sometimes when friends don't reply to my messages it makes me second guess myself. Then I don't want to send more messages in case I just annoy them or something. So then I get stuck on the indecision. I have other ways to spend my time for sure. And I don't feel sad often. But I am usually not very open, even with myself sometimes. Rather just distract myself and run away. Procrastinate everything.

I am afraid to be more social, and to be myself irl. I'm stuck inside all day. And sometimes idk if it sjust what I prefer doing, or when its over-done. I am fine being alone, but doesn't mean I am all I want to be, even the parts I am capable of if I were braver.

And I know that male suicides are higher than female suicides. This song got me thinking about that. Its a good song tho, and I wouldn't abide by it.

Just a closet brony with some psych issues. And when friendship sometimes hurts I forget the times its good, but I am self aware enough to remember that. But emotion and logic are two different stories. Emotion is what feels real despite logic. I was in a great mood after that fic I read the other day, now idk whats gotten into me.

And 'rationalization' like 'oh it may be diet' is a defense mechanism potentially, despite it being potentially true, its more like its allowing me to see what I normally hide from myself psychologically speaking. Or maybe when I feel bad I become a pessimist.

I think it happened after watching a different video tho, or maybe I should catch up on sleep or etc.

*cries just a little*

What am I supposed to do? There is nothing. How will I know if life is worth it, when I do more good than bad, how will I know that happens? I won't, objectively speaking, because I don't see the full consequences to my actions, then the stuff that matters I am incapable of changing.

Should I just get very good with imagination, then it doesn't matter, I could be satisfied just daydreaming. Real relationships are prolly hard, but the longer I wait the worst I will be at friending and romancing.

I never complete any of my goals, and they don't really matter in the first place. W/e, I just am staying up too late, better to think when I am more capable of it. Good night.

SugarCoatxMarblePie

You know the arc when you throw a ball? That's physics. You do it all the time playing TF2 or Overwatch. Granted irl there are wind factors, such as if you do archery or distance rifling (sniping lol).

Physics is not hard. Its a common misconception, maybe from before the internet was a significant thing. Like, 'its not rocket science'. Granted that is different because you need to account for surface areas more and chemical reactions and their efficiencies etc etc.

Overall, its not really that bad, its just more time consuming to figure out an answer, and if you have the formulas and a calculator and can visualize the process, then it will be easier than alot of other functions you might need to calculate in other classes, and for those you just need to use the formula and functions anyways, rather than doing the visualizing and math in your head.

So personally, it was more difficult figuring out stuff like logarhythms, than physics, physics was a piece of cake.

I have been not using my math skills lately tho, so I never got to the point where I calculate a throw in my head or such. But that'd be nifty, and I just read a great fanfic, and Twilight in it calculated stuff on the fly x3 and I used pony hypnosis improperly before, so today I actually don't feel [as much] self-conscious oc-related dissonance, I feel like mmmmmm~ dats a good Twilight lol. And she is a draconequus in the fic, so I don't need to worry about the hooves lowering cognitive potential! But like, I think I prefer horn based magic so, idk lol. She is adorbs tho.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/249782/magical-mystery-oops

And what led to this train of thought is also a video talking about how males are more cognitively diverse thus more likely to produce geniuses, and they said for colleges that'd be important for economic reasons as tech is related to economic growth.

And I feel like I could've done better with myself xD in college I took the sciences(biochemistry, physics, anatomy), then quit because I had 5 englishes in a row to take that I was procrastinating lol. But if I went back now I would probably choose stuff like future tech anyways. Like I want to be able to play StarCraft 2 with my mind or something, instead of having all the buttons in the way and getting RSI from playing games too long xD.

 

But yeah, physics are easy, just wanna get rid of any misconception that may or may not exist lol.

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