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I have too much spare time. I guess. Idky I am sad exactly. But sometimes when friends don't reply to my messages it makes me second guess myself. Then I don't want to send more messages in case I just annoy them or something. So then I get stuck on the indecision. I have other ways to spend my time for sure. And I don't feel sad often. But I am usually not very open, even with myself sometimes. Rather just distract myself and run away. Procrastinate everything.

I am afraid to be more social, and to be myself irl. I'm stuck inside all day. And sometimes idk if it sjust what I prefer doing, or when its over-done. I am fine being alone, but doesn't mean I am all I want to be, even the parts I am capable of if I were braver.

And I know that male suicides are higher than female suicides. This song got me thinking about that. Its a good song tho, and I wouldn't abide by it.

Just a closet brony with some psych issues. And when friendship sometimes hurts I forget the times its good, but I am self aware enough to remember that. But emotion and logic are two different stories. Emotion is what feels real despite logic. I was in a great mood after that fic I read the other day, now idk whats gotten into me.

And 'rationalization' like 'oh it may be diet' is a defense mechanism potentially, despite it being potentially true, its more like its allowing me to see what I normally hide from myself psychologically speaking. Or maybe when I feel bad I become a pessimist.

I think it happened after watching a different video tho, or maybe I should catch up on sleep or etc.

*cries just a little*

What am I supposed to do? There is nothing. How will I know if life is worth it, when I do more good than bad, how will I know that happens? I won't, objectively speaking, because I don't see the full consequences to my actions, then the stuff that matters I am incapable of changing.

Should I just get very good with imagination, then it doesn't matter, I could be satisfied just daydreaming. Real relationships are prolly hard, but the longer I wait the worst I will be at friending and romancing.

I never complete any of my goals, and they don't really matter in the first place. W/e, I just am staying up too late, better to think when I am more capable of it. Good night.


You know the arc when you throw a ball? That's physics. You do it all the time playing TF2 or Overwatch. Granted irl there are wind factors, such as if you do archery or distance rifling (sniping lol).

Physics is not hard. Its a common misconception, maybe from before the internet was a significant thing. Like, 'its not rocket science'. Granted that is different because you need to account for surface areas more and chemical reactions and their efficiencies etc etc.

Overall, its not really that bad, its just more time consuming to figure out an answer, and if you have the formulas and a calculator and can visualize the process, then it will be easier than alot of other functions you might need to calculate in other classes, and for those you just need to use the formula and functions anyways, rather than doing the visualizing and math in your head.

So personally, it was more difficult figuring out stuff like logarhythms, than physics, physics was a piece of cake.

I have been not using my math skills lately tho, so I never got to the point where I calculate a throw in my head or such. But that'd be nifty, and I just read a great fanfic, and Twilight in it calculated stuff on the fly x3 and I used pony hypnosis improperly before, so today I actually don't feel [as much] self-conscious oc-related dissonance, I feel like mmmmmm~ dats a good Twilight lol. And she is a draconequus in the fic, so I don't need to worry about the hooves lowering cognitive potential! But like, I think I prefer horn based magic so, idk lol. She is adorbs tho.

And what led to this train of thought is also a video talking about how males are more cognitively diverse thus more likely to produce geniuses, and they said for colleges that'd be important for economic reasons as tech is related to economic growth.

And I feel like I could've done better with myself xD in college I took the sciences(biochemistry, physics, anatomy), then quit because I had 5 englishes in a row to take that I was procrastinating lol. But if I went back now I would probably choose stuff like future tech anyways. Like I want to be able to play StarCraft 2 with my mind or something, instead of having all the buttons in the way and getting RSI from playing games too long xD.


But yeah, physics are easy, just wanna get rid of any misconception that may or may not exist lol.

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