I'm sorry I called you "dude", I didn't know you were a pansexual gender fluid non-binary moca frappuccino with dual acting hydraulic cylinder and leather grip swiss army knife
who also identifies as female
I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.
Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those big cotton pads on his eye for a
It's been like 3 month, but anyway...
"TORGUE MUNITIONS HAS A POP QUIZ FOR YOU, SKAGLICKER! YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY A DOZEN STEELY-EYED BANDITS! DO YOU: A ) BLOW THEM TO SMITHEREENS WITH YOUR TORGUE ASSAULT RIFLE, B ) RUN AND TAKE COVER, OR C ) CALMLY GET THEM TO PUT THEIR WEAPONS DOWN AND YOU KNOW THE ANSWER IS A! BUY A GODDAMN TORGUE GUN!" - Torgue Radio Ad; Borderlands 2
doctor, handful of pills: Here, take four of these.
Me, swallowing them: What are they?
Doctor, crushing up and snorting the rest: We're about to find out.
Pirate: The cannons be ready Captain.
Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16.
So, the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion.
I lost my watch at a party once.
An hour later, I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.
Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.
No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
I wish the earth was flat so I could jump off the edge and die with an authentic Minecraft falling out of the world experience.
Monk: Have some liquid courage, friend.
Paladin: I have a spell for that, it's called Heroism. It allow me not to be intimidated or scared.
Monk: I do too, it's called Jack Daniels.