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Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky
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About this blog

So here we go. This will kind of be a monolog. So sorry for all that want to see some pictures or awesome stories. I kind of did something like this before but only for me in private and it kind of helps me to keep my sanity. Also, it´s a nice little reminder for me to go online and take a view into the forums. 

So what will I talk about? This blog will talk about different topics and my personal view about topics. Mostly things that drive me nuts or just come into my alcohol controlled mind. 

 

 

Entries in this blog

A short break isn't always that short

Months have passed by. Many things changed. Corona fucked up a lot in this crazy world. I just wanted to be more active here. After some days it faded out of my mind. And now here we are. 3 Months later. Many crazy shit happened. From being told that you are liked and appreciated to being hated by the same people in less than 5 Minutes. From building great and achieving personal goals to fucking everything over and destroying everything. From making new friends to walking away from them. From qu
PhoenixGER

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No one watches over your dreams when you can't sleep

The idea that we all do our best in every situation in life is wrong. Recently I started to watch the Jocko Podcast. I started reading more, doing workouts on a daily basis, trying to stand up early (which doesn't work) and going to bed early (which works but being awake in the bed for 4 to 5 hours 8 days in a row is just destroying me), even quit booze for the last 10 days. 5 days away from my longest time off alcohol. Started again wearing my watch on a daily basis and planning my time more pr
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The two sides of a medal

After five days of being sober I saw today as a good ...... chance of drinking again.In the last days many things happened. I saw myself on a crossroad. To my left the path I always went. Having people around me. Having a community I play with, which more or less endures me. Few liked. Many hated. On the right the way of going alone. Letting all these social contacts down. falling down again into this deep hole of misery. Going the path alone without someone to talk to. Without having someone wh
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PhoenixGER

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The fear for loved ones and the ones cared for

So a weekend ends. A weekend of anger and hatred. I again lost my cool. I let everything escalate inside me and all out closed anger bursted through the gates. For another times I said unwise words. Hurtful ones. I just let everything out but none I said was a lie. It was an outburst of truth and anger. But just as hurtful it was so disappointed am I. I'm disappointed by myself. This lost of discipline. All of that because of my own ego. Feeling like being in the wrong place, feeling unwanted an
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The chains of our souls.

Nothing great happened except a total outburst of emotions ending in an endless night of drinking booze and doing things that I swore would end. The hard truth of the day after seem to hit harder than all the jokes, all the insults by other people. But what’s left in the end is just a destroyed world. Every step forward I did is now gone. I'm further behind than I was in a long time. But all these things. All of our own actions keep not only consequences but also lessons to learn. Going three st
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Drilling does (not) always need a brain

So the first one will be about a pretty "awesome" thing that I encountered in my internship the last two weeks. Just to be honest it's not awesome. Most would just go on and say it's not a big deal. But in my eyes it's plain stupidity.  The trainee complained all day that in their second most important test they only would have sooooooo less time for their tasks. It´s not some leave some marks or write a text task. No they are industrial engineers. I´ts drilling, filing, making threats, Thi
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