This is an official goodbye.
If you don't want to read all of the self pity and important stuff about my life, then please. Stop reading and skip to the last section.
(And please forgive the horrible structure of the this post, It's long, difficult to swallow, and I didn't really want to read through this kind of thing multiple times)
I know I've said I'd leave before, but I'd always remove the blog minutes after seeing it wasn't going to happen.
But this time, I don't plan on taking it down.
I had planned on taking my leave after my 2nd Forum Anniversary, but since that project I planned isn't possible for me to complete due to having no funds to replace my tablet. I have to shut it down.
I won't make the deadline, and I won't have those funds for a very long time.
So I thought I would address more than one sorry as there are many things I've done; I thought I'd apologize for each thing that came to mind.
I'm sorry for being a rude member.
I've never had a problem saying the first thing that comes to my mind, and many of you spite me for that. I've received enough snippy comments and horrible remarks to get the point.
I'm sorry I could never keep a single friend.
It's funny. I always used to think I could call myself loyalty. I've always been there for a friend, but I've never been able to keep one. I'll say something stupid and I'll leave. But now, I know I am not loyalty, I'm something else... whatever it may be.
I'm sorry I am too fragile.
I may seem gruff at times, but I assure you, someone can put the wrong emoticon, and I'll cry and just make a deal out of something that probably isn't there. I can't help it, I've done that my whole life, I've tried to cover that up, and it just... it's just there.
I'm sorry for lies.
I always seem to put a facade on and I can never seem to follow through.
And mostly I regret not being what people want.
And I won't sugar coat it, being here hasn't been some "great time in my life" like every other member seems to say. It's been hard, it's been heartbreaking, and I've watched the small little forum grow into a mosh pit of self pity and maltreatment. My time here has lead to more disappointment than I to go through in life that isn't required.
Sure I've had good times, sure I've met great people. But good times move by, and when bad ones become more frequent than good, it isn't worth keeping myself in a dark place over.
And yes, I know none of you remember me.
I changed my name, and took a long hiatus, so coming back a few months ago was extremely disappointing.
Something I've always disliked is how many handouts I've given.
I'd have enough money to replace my tablet with the easily close to 1000 hours of art I've so flippantly given away.
Art isn't free, and I can no longer make it free.
I don't make money at work.
I don't have enough money to continue living where I do.
And therefor, my art can no longer be a gift every single time.
I can't even begin to count the number of pieces that were called, "Favors".
Favors I know I won't have returned.
And no, I don't think art isn't meant to be shared, that isn't my point.
I literally am broke. And such a place can't be free anymore.
My dA never got much attention, my threads never did either. I don't suspect I'm a good artist, and I don't even think so myself. But have the decency to... well, I'm just going to stop there.
I can't have friends who want me.
My family doesn't want me. All I hear is what expectations I'm not living up to. Apparently a disappointment my mother and father that I'm not what they wanted. :/
I can't get a single college to accept me.
And I know, this post is exactly what I hate reading. I hate the self pity garbage I see every second on this forum. And I myself have made a few of those, regrettably. But I do believe as a last few words I am entitled to say what I feel.
I don't know where I am going to go after this.
I don't know what is left for me.
Today started terribly.
I woke up, and within 4 min. Someone had already said such a ridiculous and sarcastic comment about my FIRST comment I made for the day. (Which was agreeing to take a commission)
Yet, they were offended, when all I said was YES.
I removed all contact with them and people that know them.
And all day, I've been... running.
I've been depressed, I have been my whole life. But this last month I have hardly talked. I haven't eaten at all. I lost 12lbs in one week.
My panic attacks are worse, my heart isn't fairing for the better, nor my back.
I stay up for nights on end, and work full shifts every day for minimum wage and deal with people who just want to see my suffer.
I'm at the point where I just hope my body shuts down.
I hurt, and I just wish to be better.
*Takes a deep breath and sighs*
But hey. Don't expect me to leave on such a negative note.
I'm not positive, but I don't believe I should leave a negative last few words for the few of you who may actually read this.
The few of you I did get to know, I loved.
I know none of you talk to me any more, and I get it. But the times we did have were enjoyable.
You were the people that were closer to me than any human being has ever been.
And soon I became your greatest enemy.
I'd mention names, but none of you would ever see it. And only one of you is still on the forums anyways.
I can still remember my first RP.
I can still remember making some of you smile.
I can still remember all the good that has happened to me.
And I hope to walk out of here with those moments to hold onto.
I leave still a Brony, just one who doesn't feel he can handle the community anymore. And I hope all of you can keep it up, dealing with each other day in and day out. With all the annoyances and nuances. You are most certainly more determined and understanding than I have been.
I wished to leave with a picture, but I've already said that isn't possible. I may submit a drawing if I can one day. But by then most of you will be long gone, and the ones that see it won't understand the impact.
I will however re-post my last anniversary pic right here. This years was going to be much bigger, and much better due to well, obvious improvement in pony art skills. But the image captured is just as good, the feeling I've experienced with you guys.
Wherever life is taking me now, I don't know. Just know that you most certainly aren't forgotten.
And as my last doodle for here. Please, if you will. Accept this unfinished sketch as a gift.
My OC had changed a lot over the years, and it most certainly was shaped by this forum.
He's as much apart of me as he is to these forums and wouldn't even exist if I hadn't been here.
Thank you for these years~
I'll be floating around the forums only through tonight, if you are wanting to chat, now's the time to do it.
I was raised, not born, but raised in California.
And I'm no conspiracy nut, but here's a conspiracy.
California has the most strict regulations of products and emissions.
They love trying to fix the economy.
And the state flag...
I think we've had a communist driven state under our noses this whole time.
A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Night Vale.
Hello listeners. To start things off I’ve been asked to read this brief notice: the city council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of Earl and Summerset near the Ralph’s. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park. Do not approach them. Do not approach the dog park. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the dog park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you.
And now the news.
Old Woman Josie out near the car lot says the angels revealed themselves to her; said they were ten feet tall, radiant, and one of them was black; said they helped her with various household chores. One of them changed a light bulb for her, the porch light. She’s offering to sell the old lightbulb, which has been touched by an angel. It was the black angel, if that sweetens the pot for anyone. If you’re interested, contact Old Woman Josie. She’s out near the car lot.
A new man came into town today. Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat? He says he is a scientist. Well, we have all been scientists and one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here? And just what does he plan to do with all those breakers and humming electrical instruments in that lab he is renting—the one next to Big Ricco’s Pizza? No one does a slice like Big Ricco. No one.
Just a reminder to all the parents out there. Let’s talk about safety when taking your children out to play in the Scrub Lands and the Sand Wastes. You need to give them plenty of water, make sure there’s a shade tree in the area, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors. Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably World Government. Not a good area for play that day. Are they blue? That’s the Sherriff’s Secret Police. They’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one. Are they painted with complex murals depicting birds of prey diving? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want. Do not play in the area. Return to your home, and lock the doors until a Sherriff’s Secret Policeman leaves a carnation on your porch to indicate that the danger has passed. Cover your ears to blot out the screams. Also, remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids plain old water, and maybe some orange slices when they play.
A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today, only to reappear in the Night Vale Elementary gymnasium during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite badly. The jet roared through the small gym for only a fraction of a second, and before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again, this time apparently for good. There is no word yet on if or how this will affect Night Vale Mountain Lion’s game schedule, and also, if this could perhaps be the work of their bitter rivals the Desert Bluffs Cacti. Desert Bluffs is always trying to show us up through fancier uniforms, better pregame snacks, and possibly, by transporting a commercial jet into our gymnasium, delaying practice for several minutes at least. For shame, Desert Bluffs. For shame.
That new scientist we now know is named Carlos called a town meeting. He has a square jaw and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate and despair and love that perfect hair in equal measure. Old Woman Josie brought corn muffins, which were decent, but lacked salt. She said the angels had taken her salt for a godly mission, and she hadn’t yet gotten around to buying more. Carlos told us that we are, by far, the most scientifically interesting community in the US, and he had come to study just what is going around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly. Government agents from a vague, yet menacing, agency were in the back watching. I fear for Carlos. I fear for Night Vale. I fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don’t yet know that they don’t know.
We received a press release this morning. The Night Vale Business Association is proud to announce the opening of the brand new Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. I have been to these facilities myself recently on their invitation, and I can tell you that it is absolutely top of the line and beautiful. Sturdy docking areas made from eco-friendly post-consumer material, a boardwalk for pedestrians, and plenty of stands ready for local food vendors and merchants to turn into a bustling public marketplace. Now, there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a desert, there is no actual water at the waterfront—and that is a definite drawback, I agree. For instance, the boardwalk is currently overlooking sagebrush and rocks. The Business Association did not provide an specific remedies for this problem, but they assured me that the new harbor would be a big boost to Night Vale nonetheless. Maybe wait until a flash flood and head down there for the full waterfront experience.
The local chapter of the NRA is selling bumper stickers as part of their fundraising week. They sent the station one to get some publicity, and we’re here to serve the community so I’m happy to let you all know about it. The stickers are made from good, sturdy vinyl, and they read, ‘Guns Don’t Kill People; It’s Impossible To Be Killed By A Gun; We Are All Invincible To Bullets And It’s A Miracle.’ Stand outside of your front door and shout, “NRA,” to order one.
Carlos and his team of scientists warn that one of the houses in the new development of Desert Creek, out back of the old elementary school, doesn’t actually exist. It seems like it exists, explained Carlos and his perfect hair, like it’s just right there when you look at it. And it’s between two identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to be there then not. But, he says, they have done experiments, and the house is definitely not there. At news time, the scientists are standing in a group in front of the nonexistent house, daring each other to go knock on the door.
A great howling was heard from the Night Vale Post Office yesterday. Postal workers claim no knowledge, although passersby described the sound as being a little like a human soul being destroyed through black magic. The Indian Tracker—now, I don’t know if you’ve seen this guy around; he’s the one who appears to be of maybe Slavic origin, yet wears an Indian headdress out of some racist cartoon and claims to be able to be able to read tracks on asphalt—he appeared on the scene, and swore that he would discover the truth. No one responded because it’s really hard to take him seriously in that headdress of his.
Lights, seen in the sky above the Arby’s. Not the glowing sign of Arby’s; something higher and beyond that. We know the difference. We’ve caught onto their game. We understand the lights-above-Arby’s game. Invaders from another world. Ladies and gentlemen, the future is here, and it’s about a hundred feet above the Arby’s.
Carlos and his scientists at the monitoring station near Route 800 say their seismic monitors have been indicating wild seismic shifts, meaning to say that the ground should be going up all over the place. I don’t know about you folks, but the ground has been as still as the crust of a tiny globe rocketing through an endless void could be. Carlos says that they’ve double-checked the monitors and they are in perfect working order. To put it plainly, there appears to be catastrophic earthquakes happening right here in Night Vale that absolutely no one can feel. Well, submit an insurance claim anyway, see what you can get, right?
Traffic time, listeners. Now, police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways, those cars only visible in the distance, reaching unimaginable speeds, leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these aberrations, and doing so will not be considered following the flow of traffic. However, they do say that it’s probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities or organization is responsible appear to be cautious and reasonable drivers.
And now, the weather.
(These and More Than These, Joseph Fink)
Welcome back, listeners.
The sun didn’t set at the correct time today, Carlos and his team of scientists report. They are quite certain about it. They checked multiple clocks, and the sun definitely set ten minutes later than it was supposed to. I asked them if they had any explanations, but they did not offer anything concrete. Mostly they sat in a circle around a desk clock, staring at it, murmuring and cooing. Still, we must be grateful to have the sun at all. It’s easy to forget in this hot, hot, hot desert climate, but things would actually be slightly harder for us without the sun. The next time the sun rises, whatever time that turns out to be, take a moment to feel grateful for all the warmth, and light, and even, yes, extreme heat that our desert community is gifted with.
The city council would like to remind you about the Tiered Heavens, and the Hierarchy of Angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this. The structure of heaven and the angelic organizational chart are privileged information known only to the city council members on a need-to-know basis. Please, do not speak to or acknowledge any angels that you might come across while shopping at the Ralph’s or at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. They only tell lies, and do not exist. Report all angel sightings to the city council for treatment.
And now for a brief public service announcement. Alligators. Can they kill your children? Yes.
Along those lines, to get personal for a moment, I think the best way to die would be swallowed by a giant snake. Going feet first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry.
Speaking of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, its owner, Teddy Williams, reports that he has found the entrance to a vast underground city in the pin retrieval area of lane five. He said he has not yet ventured into it, merely peered down at its strange spires and broad avenues. He also reports voices of a distant crowd in the depths of that subterranean metropolis. Apparently, the entrance was discovered when a bowling ball accidentally rolled into it, clattering down to the city below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern—so, you know, whatever population that city has, they know about us now, and we might be hearing from them very soon.
Carlos, perfect and beautiful, came into our studios during the break earlier, but declined to stay for an interview. He had some sort of blinking box in his hand covered with wires and tubes. Said he was testing the place for materials. I don’t know what materials he meant, but that box sure whistled and beeped a lot. When he put it close to the microphone it sounded like, well, like a bunch of baby birds had just woken up, really went crazy. Carlos looked nervous. I’ve never seen that kind of look on someone with that strong of a jaw. He left in a hurry. Told us to evacuate the building. But then, who would be hear to talk sweetly to all of you out there? Settling in to be another clear night and pretty evening here in Night Vale. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with, or, at least, good memories of when you did.
Good night, listeners. Good night.
Proverb: Look to the north. Keep looking. There’s nothing coming from the south.
I just wanted to show off the new children ^^
Meet Jace and Clarabella, my adorable little ones~ (well, Clarabella has been around awhile but we just introduced Jace)
And the awesome parents Rose Shimmer and Acoustic Cloud of course~
Back in business to do some art!
Ask my OC Tumblr has been reopened:
(soon will have this remodeled with better coding)
Follow my art or buy a commission on my DeviantArt:
I was under the most unfortunate hiatus, but I am back now and am ready to do art avidly once again!
I know how much you wanna check these out.
That's right, live stream art night! Be there or be square!
It will start at the time above sharp! If the time changes, I will of course make alterations to let you know in advance. I will be accepting requests for pieces and this will continue until late in the night.
Come prepared with requests! SFW! Please!
So, I was prompted on skype with this image:
So I wrote a monologue to it. The whole thing is an ALLEGORY, so please don't be rude with what you put, this almost made me cry to write the whole thing because of what this meant to me IRL, so please respect my feelings here.
To clarify, this is about someone I knew! So don't poke fun at this. Of course it wasn't a romance, but the character (Dash in this case) I made just like the person.
*just realized this is similar to another blog post, any relation is purely coincidental.
And by that I mean, what has google translator done this time? It's inadequacy has shown through time and time again.
Seriously, put the page into another language through GT and see how poorly it comes out. x3
Okay, well, I've decided to get out of my realism and move into a bit more of a caricature/cartoony style. I've never drawn anything with cartoons so I wanted to develop a new style and I'm still in the rough stages of making some new shapes. I really really suck at the cartoon muzzles and eyes, so any help with those would be awesome if you have some tips.
Really... my muzzles suck! And I don't know how to make cartoon eyes! Help and critique is seriously appreciated.
...I draw; and today I drew always do. So... here's the picture I drew:
And he's singing one of my favorite songs:
I listen and sing this when I'm sad, I could play it for hours on end. Anyways, hope you enjoy the pic and song.
So, in our town when the corn is nearly ready for harvest, this group outta town at the rodeo grounds carves out this giant corn maze. It's probably about 2 or 3 acres of twisty turns that are actually a picture and whatnot from the sky. But that's not the important part.
Me and my two buds just decided to dress like slenderman.
Now, I know what you are thinking, "slenderman isn't scary" well, you are right! But, nobody is going to expect 3 slendermen to be walking around seemingly, "teleporting". So just the other night we went to walmart and bought some pantyhoes. We are going to bleach them and that will create the faceless effect. I may even wear my suit.
The best part, more often than not, is that it is raining and lightning out when the maze is open. I know it's a little over a month away, but the prep for it is going to be half the fun! I'll most definitely post the results on here! :3
I actually just finished making a set of the 8 pages:
Gonna dab them with tea to make them weathered.
So this seems to come up, especially from my mother, all the time. I'll usually be in the middle of a conversation with someone over the web and I'll be summoned out of my room. And while I am trying to get back into my room my mother will usually respond with, "I think this is a little more important that talking."
"But it is really important!"
"I think I have invested more in your life that your so called 'friends', would they really be there for you when you need them?"
"They are true friends."
"And how would you know that?"
To which I can't reply why because many things about me she doesn't know. Like how I failed a suicide attempt and came to the forums for help and some of my best friends from skype. Also the other time where I said I was going to go kill myself while I was home alone. People from the forum rushed to my aid without question and just wanted to help me.
I can't tell her why people on the internet can mean so much to me; that I've shared so many beautiful moments with many people, and half of them I can't ever tell her. That means I still sit here while I am told that people on the internet aren't "real friends" and I have no way to defend myself against such a preposterous concept.
I am fully aware it is healthier to have friends that you can meet up with physically. But it still goes to show, that you can still have just as good a relation with people at any distance with media nowadays. And for now, I wait, under the oppression of old ways of the past generations that don't understand new concepts.
Many of you have seen the forum project I am doing to give back to those of you who are apart of this forum. It's coming down to the last few hours to enter an OC. So if you still want to be apart of this monument to my time here, submit your OC here ASAP.
~Love Dashey ;3
I'm going to download an stream one of these 4 films in a few minutes, if you are interested in watching a classic in this stream, please vote, I will update the blog with a link once the stream will begin.
Monsters from the Id is the movie for the stream! I may be doing a second one later tonight to watch invasion of the body snatchers. I will post the stream link in just a few minutes.
Okay, so I've always viewed myself as a hipster (not the douchey kind), but I dislike Top 40/etc.
I'm the kind of guy that likes to look across the internet and find fresh artists that people literally haven't heard of. I'll listen to their music for years without people even scratching the surface on their tracks. But... here is where the tragedy comes along.
I'll be sitting around and perusing the internet as usual, then someone will post about how they found out about an artist they all of a sudden love! They become popular, or have been for a long time and all I can do is think to myself, "It's not new! Don't say it's new! Don't think about it being something you found out about! Get with the times, kid!" Then I get in a bit of a grumpy brawl with the person and my day goes on.
Then, the cycle just repeats itself as I discover a new emerging artist with talent.
The other thing that will get on my nerves is this...
I will be listening to an artist I've just discovered and one of those conformist know nothings will come along and say, "woah, what are you listening to?" I'll quickly give them the name to which they reply, "oh yeah, I saw them on a magazine." This is where my blood boils.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you've seen a band with only 10 followers on a magazine you piece of lying crap!" They get pissy how they "thought" it was "someone else" and they go on to do it multiple times because they just want to look like they know something.
So there you have it. The reason someone like me hates life just a little more than I already do.
I know I'm posting a lot about this, but I want to make this huge!
Post your OC's at: http://mlpforums.com/topic/68740-dasheys-forum-anniversary-project-need-more-ocs/
I want this canvas as giant as possible! So go on and post those OC's! I'm waiting eagerly.
I've been thinking of going by a different name for a while now. I'm not going to change it or anything, just be called by a new name is all. Anyways, here's where I could use some help (don't comment if you are just going to screw around). Many of you know my real name (it's on my profile if you care to know) but I want you to disregard it and just look at my picture and say a name I look like.
So I am here to just say I'm going to want something most everyone on here wants or has. Yep, luv. I don't know what it is like in your city/country/etc. But where I live, most everyone is getting married at 18, now I'm not quite that daft, but it makes someone like me think. Everyone is off leaving this town adventuring into the world out there and getting married and whatnot. And 'ol me is kinda just watching from the side.
Before anyone comments with, "get a ho" or "don't we all". I'm just saying, this is my little rant and I can do such complaining as I see fit :3
I just feel that out of my friends, I am the only one who can't find a person to share life with. Heck, one of my best buds is saving up to get married, he's only 19, I'm still 17 and all, but still having no one is a bit of a bummer when I'm watching my best friends moving on in life so quickly.
And just thinking about it, this time next year, I won't have a single friend in the valley. Both my friends are going off to the marines (yes, you two know who you are) And I'm going to be here, probably still floundering around for a friend to grow closer to in a gushy romantic kinda way.
I know I'm not the only one on the forums that feels like this. I mean, I may be the only one in this exact situation, but I know many of the people on here have similar feelings.
My feels probably wouldn't be as bad if I didn't have so much time to just sit and think. Yes, that's right, I spend most of my day to myself. I sit and think, nothing more, nothing less. And while thinking is a great thing, too much of it gets to you when you start to forget what your fundamentals are you forget WHO you are.
I'm sure if you even bothered to read this you are probably getting sleepy, bored, or just plain annoyed by my constant nitpicking and halabaloo. But if you even read this and still hate me, I still thank you for even taking the time to read this.
Okay, so, once again, I've had a strange dream.
So I was originally at the compound in Dr. Who where they stored the ood. (it's on the brain)
We got in a bit of a scuffle then I flew to earth with the doctor. (This is where it gets weird.)
I met up with bugs bunny, and my parents told me we were engaged and I didn't even remember it. Then I went to my church, married bugs bunny and I was dressed in a wedding gown, then he carried me off and I woke up.
And although I find a tuxedo ravishing... I'd prefer to be the one wearing it...
I think I should be worried. x3