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Bleek Bleek Bleek



Today has been a very unusual day. I guess I have no one to blame but myself but I came home from a long day of work and the first thing I did was search for literary agents and research The Matrix film series. Those two are not a good combination.


Destiny has always been important to me, because believing my life has an ultimate goal keeps me going. But, there has been very little in my life that suggests I have a destiny I was meant to fulfill. I want to make it as a fiction writer, but the business does not seem to agree with my train of thought. But more to the point, breaking into the business itself is a very difficult process and I've been thinking for a while that all my works are trash. I'm not just saying that either. My books sometimes feel disjointed because I'm good at making stuff up as I go, but that doesn't mean I always get it right. Other people giving me feedback and don't seem to realize these mistakes like I do.


I feel right now like life has lost its meaning and I shouldn't care what's right for me or not; but maybe I'm just tired. Somewhere down the road I hope somebody can teach me what I need to do more of or what I need to do less of. I don't know why I perceiver, but maybe I was visited once by my future self who convinced me I would make it and then disappeared. Writing is very rewarding, but trying to impress someone when there is nobody to impress makes no sense.


This has been an existential-moment-of-the-day-moment. I guess it's not exciting to read about, but that is what this blog is all about.


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I do stuff because I love to, but I can feel you. Depending on what it is one does, impressing others can be an essential part of it. Like writing. Writing is for other people to read it, for sharing. Not having that audience as a means for fulfillment can really suck. I myself have discovered I'm quite the entertainer personality, like Pinkie Pie, but how can I find fulfillment if I can't get away from the rock farm?

If things suck, share those feelings with friends, and if they don't want to listen, they're not of much help... Probably on the run from unpleasantness, which is a weakness.

(This is why people who share your suffering will be tendentially more empathic to your plight. They have experienced the same and thus are more likely to have gotten at least somewhat used to it. They have more emotional investment and thus are more likely to feel compassion.)


Also, one person realizing their power and taking action in your interest can be more of a friend than 100 people giving you well-meaning advice because they so strongly (want to) believe that's all they can do.


Regarding the purpose of life: While that always CAN be a personal view, I would make a somewhat more objective attempt and say that life is about overcoming fears. Because fear is the opposite of love, and God is love, and we all yearn for religion (reuniting with the divine), some of us confused though, and some gotten off-track. The point of life is this experience of the journey. The aim is just there to keep us going. Radiating and nourishing, like the sun.


Also, what you said about the future-self thing, I can relate to that in a way and based on that, let me say this:

We have to keep going, there is no alternative. ... There really isn't. Part of depression is playing with the thought that maybe we don't have to deal with stuff. Once you realize there's no way out, it becomes easier. Might sound kinda funny/contradictory, but profound wisdom often is.

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There are usually certain preconditions, factors that have to come together to make true friendship emerge, and if I told you what they are, it would sound simplistic and totally not magical. But in lack of those factors, there is still a pragmatic component to living true friendship, based on mutual benefit. It's like a fallback solution, but even this is still a concept outside of the grasp of many people. (It is related to game theory.)

Part of the magic of friendship (a term that is highly poetical) lies in its creative power - of making things come true based on faith in a person. Of acting as if something were and thus making it be. Of pulling something into existence from the realm of nonexistence. Acts of true friendship open the heart, and that experience can be called magical, because it is not from this crude material realm (but needs to be channeled into it to be of any relevance), and it enables magical or even miraculous things to happen.

Fear interferes with this process. How to overcome fear? ... The problem is that the answer can be too simple and escapes the rational mind: By doing it. The first step is to believe you can do it, then you need to want to do it, and then you either can do it by yourself, or, if the nature of the fear is connected to your relations to other people, you might need help. It can get tricky if the people you ask for help are too afraid and self-disempowered to do that. The alternative is to try it by yourself, but this diminishes the relevance of friendship and solidifies bitter experiences.

I'm talking from my own experiences here, about all the cases I experienced where people blocked a mutually beneficial avenue; how frustrating it is to see the solution but not having the means to apply it; to have love of true friendship burning inside, but not finding a counterpart on the outside. So much isolation and self-imposed powerlessness, so much (self-)deception based on a watered-down understanding of the term "friendship".

Everything in the universe is interconnected, thus the idea that we do anything "on our own" is ludicrous, but common. It is part of an individualist belief system, and individuality is the domain of the fear-driven egoic mind. It is no coincidence that China with its thousands of years of Daoist wisdom tradition is pursuing a relatively collectivist approach in society.


MLP is awesome in its conveying of values and virtues and social intelligence, and there are many other media like it, but one has to be open to the message and absorb it, otherwise it is just a cherishing of something outside of oneself, actually creating more distance. Many people prefer to dream of an ideal instead of living it, even when it would be damn easy to do so.

Some people, though, can't afford that luxury, that convenience. Hardship drives us. Forces us to walk with great effort through the morass that people around us create for themselves and others. Those that do not understand that hardships are best overcome with LESS effort, because they were created with great effort in the first place, and impose their pain on others.


I wish more people read the Dao De Jing.


It contains wisdom for many different areas of life and more or less affects everything.

But well, those who aren't inspired by MLP to live friendship won't get anything from that book either.

And I guess it's easier to not know about things like that. Ignorance really is bliss, it seems. Just not for others.

  • Brohoof 1

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