I just saw the new episode after quite an emotionally difficult week for me and this is one of those episodes that seemed to speak to me, one of those episodes that came at just the right time. For those of you who haven't kept up with all of my blogs may not know is that I have had knee problems for over 4 years due to a reoccurring work related knee injury, the first 3 in the same year and the 4th one being last November which took me out of work for 6 weeks.
When I returned to work I was fine at first but was far from perfect. A few weeks ago though I sprained my shin during one of my workouts, the pain was at first mostly that area but then went straight to my knee, the same knee that has been injured all those other times. Despite my best efforts the injury has gotten worse and has progressed to the point where not only will I need to once again see a doctor but have come to the realization that I may not longer be able to physically handle my job because as my injuries mount it gets more and more difficult to be able to come back from them.
That and the fact that since the aggravation of my knee happened outside of work making it not count as a workers comp issue scared me to death and made me extremely depressed. But then I see today's new episode Leap of Faith and I see Granny Smith bouncing back from years of hip problems and it reminded me of how I bounced back from my first knee injury, how the doctors said it would take 2 months for me to heal and it took half the time. How during my last physical therapy session I peddled on the exercise bike so hard that I almost broke it. And Applejack's speech at the end how even though the Flimflam brothers tonic was a scam that Granny Smith was able to do all that because she already had it inside of her to do that but just needed to confidence to go ahead and do it.
I am still scared and upset over this but I have let fear cloud my judgment on this and many other issues for far too long. I may or may not be able to handle my own job anymore but I know I wasn't meant to stay in that job forever and I know that I am eventually going to be able to make myself strong again. I suppose what scares me the most is I don't know what is going to happen, I kept playing all these "what if" doomsday scenarios in my head and while it is important to plan and prepare for the worst sometimes getting caught up in the "what ifs" can cloud your judgment and make you too afraid to don't even realize you are capable of.