Greetings, friends. Today I am here to talk about the forums, namely the dark truth I've uncovered.

It all started when I saw SCS handing Artemis a black box. I was curious, so I asked what was in it, SCS then stabbed me to death. After I came back as a ghost, I floated through the walls and peaked in the box.

Inside the box was a set of letters, which I immediately knew to convert into numbers and then use on a safe, a safe that makes whale calls at approximately 11:59 AM everyday on the dot.

Once I located the source of these whale calls, I entered the numbers, which was Moony's birthday in numeric form, backwards. I knew this from watching him extensively for several years.

Once I cracked open the safe, I found a vulture. I know that vultures are known in some cultures to represent birds, so I flipped off the gigantic Poniverse logo that is located next to my house. When I did this, it glowed and opened a portal to Equestria.

Once I approached this portal, DashForever stopped me. We engaged in a long fight but I ended up defeating him by slapping him with a watermelon. He then exploded into white flame. I knew he would be back, as moderators are eternal and come back to life through the flames of Oblivion.

DashForever's anime friends attacked me. I managed to fend them off with a fire hydrant I ripped out of the ground with my beefy arms that I gained from not using steroids for many years.

Once they were defeated, I jumped through the portal. I found myself in Equestria, so I did the only responsible thing and killed all the ponies except for Trixie, Fluttershy, and Celestia.

Then I immediately returned home as a pony.

And that's how America was founded.