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RunsWithSquirlz

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Its my first blog entry, at least on this site.

 

I'm used to writing about dark things, it is after all, my area of comfort. Many things happened to me in my life, as does everyone but we all have our different ways of expressing it. So im just going to talk.

 

It's...3:43 am now and I cant sleep. Its been 3 days since ive slept well. Im sleeping on the couch because I cant stand sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend anymore. The part that hurts is the pain of loneliness, the pain of sleeping alone. It makes me think that I dont love him, I dont even want to touch him. And yet, I think I still do. My mind is a mess. As is my heart.

 

Why don't you leave him?

 

Because we have a daughter. My mother took me from my father when I was little and it damaged me for the rest of my life. Now why would I inflict that kind of curse on my daughter? God I want this to work for her, I need it too. I just need to talk about it.

 

I'm going to finish listening to Coast to Coast a.m now.

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Reading this, I can't help but feel that I've failed to express to you in previous conversations that I really do understand how you feel, in regards to your daughter and wanting her to grow up with both parents. And I don't think anyone but you can possibly know what the right decision is. That said, I think you have to ask yourself if it's really better to have your daughter grow up in an environment like this than to raise her on your own, or at least find someone else to raise her with. And honestly, I don't know which of those options is the better one for your daughter, or for you. All I can really say is that you shouldn't let fear be the thing that guides you, though I realize how hard that can be.

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By the way, I realize that you probably aren't really looking for another lecture from me, but I feel compelled to give one anyway. Perhaps I should apologize for that, but then, it's the only way I really have of trying to help.

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