And I still do. Not that I ever did much to change that wondering to knowing. It even stopped to interest me; or that’s at least what I thought. I never did enough to actually know it, to actually feel it. I was bullied, lost interest, became someone whose only daily goal was to do what felt good, not what was good.

I never knew what actual friendship is like. My expectations were that people would just like me and care about me for no actual reason. I based the “friendships” I had on interests, not on interest in these “friends”. I never got it. And now I have to learn it.

Why am I posting this blog entry? Well, I said I wouldn’t leave this site. But what I will do is to visit it less often. What will I do instead? I’ll try to get a life. I’ll try to get what hurt me when I realized that I didn’t have it; the one thing this show we all like is about. I’ll try to find goals, dreams, positive way of thinking and everything what makes life worth living.

It’ll be difficult. It’ll drive me close to giving up again. And I know this isn't the first time I announced a personal change on here. But there’s one thing I can say and that’s the one thing I want to be able to say every day of my life from now on.

I want to live.

I know there are a few people on here that did more for me than I did for them. You know who you are. And I want to thank you. Thank you all.