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Captain Rarity, Mistress of the Sapphire Sea, Chapter one


Obsidian Sky

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This is the first chapter in a story i wanted to write for some time. It is about betrayal, love, piracy, fabulosity, hate, and butts with diamonds on it. A callback to the golden age of piracy.

Hope you like it as much as i liked writing it.

 

If you have any ideas, critique or praise, please share them in the comments below.

 

 

 

Governour Rarity was standing on a little hill, the grass tickled her hooves. It was a gorgeous day, almost unreal, like a mirage. The

caressing rays of the sun fell upon the unicorns silken coat and exotic birds filled the warm air with their songs.

The young mare could see the shape of another pony standing in the shadows of a tall palm tree, turning its back to her. instinctively

she moved towards it.

She did not know the name of the stranger, nor its face, but she knew from the depths of her heart that she loved the unknown pony.

Closer and closer she came, but the body of the beloved creature was still clouded in a dark haze that Raritys eyes could not pierce.

 

"Wake up..."

 

The mares heart almost skipped a beat, this was the first time the shadowy pony spoke to her in the many times she had this dream.

 

"Wake up..."

 

The unicorns throat tightened, tears started running down her cheeks. So close...

 

"No...No... I want to see your face... I... Please! Don't leave me again!" Raritys usually lovely voice was tainted by grief, she had

never been so close to knowing the face of the pony she knew she loved... She did not want to go.

 

"Wake... up..."

 

Her whole body ached...

 

"Wake... up..."

 

It felt like a great weight was resting on her back... It hurt. She was so close she could almost touch the stranger... So close, but

still out of reach.

 

"WAKE UP!"

 

Reality hit her like a sledgehammer.

 

She was laying on the floor of the bedroom of her gouvernors estate, her silken cushions and blanket scattered on the mahagoni planks.

Her delicate back ached, someone was kneeling on it, to prevent her from standing up. Rarity was unable to move, her limbs pinned by

rough hooves.

 

Restrained like this, and still half asleep, she could hardly process what was happening to her. Her field of view was limited, but she

could see a pair of brutish stallions that were flanking a mare.

A mare Rarity knew way too good for her liking.

 

"Suri..."

 

It was indeed Suri Polomare, a heir of one of the noble families of the city, but cruel and tactless, a pony that had always hated

Rarity, even though the latter did never understand why.

 

"Suri Polomare... What do you think you are doing? How dare you to... Ahhhrgh!"

 

A sudden jolt of pain tore though her left foreleg, the stallion that was standing on her hoof had stomped on her slender limb to

silence her. The young unicorn trembled, she was not used to such brutality, and her eyes began to water.

Instead of giving in to the pain, her resolve hardened. Nopony treats her like that... Her eyes focused again on the mare that caused

all this grief. Raritys gaze was hard and unwavering now, filled with disgust and anger.

 

"My name is Lady Suri Polomare, gouvernor of Silver Harbour." She proclaimed proudly. "And you should adress me as such, lest you face

the consequences."

 

It was a joke... A cruel joke.

There she was, Suro Polomare, the mare filled with jealousy, swollen with pride and wickedness, without any influence and wit, standing

in her estate, claiming to inherit her office.

Rarity could not help herself... She started to laugh.

Even though she was in pain and scared, her laugh was still the same as always. Bright and melodic, beautiful and feminine.

Another jolt of pain raced though her nerves, but even after a short yelp of pain, she could not stop snickering.

 

Suris head was crimson red by now... She had expected the hated unicorn to be way more intimidated, she had imagined her begging for

her life, instead she was mocking her... HER!

Dropping her poorly played bearing, her voice was now a hate-filled snarl.

 

"We will see if you will still laugh when you are sitting in the city dungeons, im sure the murderers and pirates that are locked up

there would love to meet a pretty, young thing like you."

 

Rarity rolled her doe-like eyes.

 

"And how would me, the governour of this island, happen to get into these dungeons? As far as i know, and i would claim to know the

justice system of this city pretty good, one has to actually be guilty of a crime to get detained there. And the only one comitting a

crime right now are you and your gentlestallions here."

 

"How about theft of a substantial part of the city treasury for the start?"

 

Suri reached into her saddlebacks and produced a huge package of letters, she weighted them for a while in her hoof, and then dropped

them unceremoniously on the floor.

 

"These papers are quite incriminatory. They may lack your official seal for now, but im sure we will find it in your estate somewhere."

 

Rarity was still not convinced, her eyebrows rised mockingly. Her ledgers were without fault and would show her innocence, they were in

her office in a safe, and only she and her personal assistant Coco Pomell had access to them, if shown to the judges, they, together

with Cocos testimony, would disprove everything Suri claimed.

There was only one possibility for Polomare to succeed...

 

If Rarity would never make it to the courtroom...

 

Without her backing Pomell up, they would be able to "convince" Coco to testify against her and to give them access to her ledgers,

forge documents and do everything they needed to make her look guilty.

Her assistant was a sweet, friendly little thing, but she was not the most brave mare under the rays of Celestias sun, and Rarity did

not want these ruffians to hurt her.

 

What could she do?

Before she could form a plan, Suris baleful voice tore the unicorn from her thoughts.

 

"We will bring you to your new residence now, mylady. Get her on her pretty hooves, gentlestallions."

 

With a snarling grin, Suri gestured her henchponies, the painful pressure on Raritys back and limbs subsided, and she was

stallionhandled back on her hooves. She was barely able to stand, the long time she was forced to lie motionless on the ground claimed

it's toll.

 

One of Suris brutes punted her in her side. "Get the move on! To the dungeons, "mylady"."

 

Rarity harumpfed and shot the offending stallion a disdaining glance as she started to walk in the direction of her bedroom door. She

was not going to show her fear to those knaves, she held her head high and trotted elegantly forward, mocking them with her bravery and

poise.

They walked down the stairs in the big entry hall, but instead of leaving through the front door, something not even Suri was thick

enough to do, they shoved their hostage into the hallway of the servants quarters.

 

"If you happen to make an loud noise by "accident" and one of your servants wakes up and spots us, i fear i cannot garantee for the

safety of your employees anymore." Suri wispered in Raritys ear.

 

The governour stopped and met Suris gaze directly with her lovely, deep blue eyes, not showing fear, only sadness and anger.

 

"You are a monster, Suri Polomare. A heartless monster. There could not be a more fitting company for you than these Thugs you

associate with." Raritys eye became as cold as the steel of a Rapier. "And you will get what you deserve in the end."

 

Even though only a wisper, the unicorns last sentence was ripe with contempt, and Rarity could see that if not for the fact that Suri

would prefer that the whole operation happened in secrety, she would have hit the noble unicorn right here and there in her lovely

face.

 

"We will see who will get what she deserves." Suri snarled, maybe a little bit too loud for her liking. "Go..."

 

Holding her head even higher, Rarity started her slow, classy trot again, her kidnappers followed her, making sure that she did not try

to run for it.

They exited the manor though the servant gate at the back of the building, instead of going the route that would lead them to the city

dungeons, they instead forced her on the neglected and partially overgrown path that lead to the old lighthouse of the island. Rarity

remembered when she ordered to build the new one down at the harbour of her city, it was quite expensive, and she ended up paying for

most of it out of her own coffers, instead of straining the city treasury too much.

It was worth it though, the old lighthouse was little better than a ruin, and its location on the northside of the island, where the

 

currents were treacherous had led to many accidents. Ships with torn open bellies, crushed on the rocks that only so slightly were

sticking out of the rough sea, easy to overlook, but deadly for the wooden vessels that tried to visit Silver Harbour. Many good ponies

had lost their lives because of the poor placement of this century old tower.

 

Speaking of loosing lives. As they came closer and closer to the old lighthouse, stumbling over the path that was almost completely

claimed by the jungle already, Rarity came to the realisation that the only way she would see the sunrise ever again was to try to flee

her tormentors.

The cliff with the ruin on top was the perfect place to let a pony disappear forever, they could just throw her down into the furious

see, and if the impact from this height at the water would not crush every bone in her body, the cold sea would drown her, or the

jagged rocks would slice her open, her body never to be found again.

The vegetation was thick and the night dark and starless...

 

Rarity began to run.

 

The villians that wanted her dead could not process what happened at first, they did not expect that the young mare would try to flee,

they had underestimated her. Instead of keeping a close watch, they treated the whole situation more like a thing of routine.

Rarity catched them on the wrong hoof, and when they finally knew what was going on, Rarity had already a healthy headstart.

 

"Catch her you morons! Kill her!" The suprised Suri shrieked, hitting one of her henchponies over the head to vent her frustration.

 

The governour did not look back, she raced through the undergrowt, tangled her beautiful mane and cut her tender skin on the sharp

shrubbery, but stopping would have meant death, so she did not care.

Her heart was hammering in her slim chest, tears gathered in her almond eyes, almost blinding her, but Rarity did not slow down.

 

Compared to the way she was gracefully dodging around most of the vegetation, the muscular brutes following her tore through the jungle

like the wild animals they were, cursing and wheezing they came closer and closer. If they were to catch her, she could hardly expect

to be treated in a gentle way. Her body was aching, her legs tired, she could not hold this pace much longer...

 

Fate favored a more timely closure of the chase though, after Rarity worked her way though a especially dense patch of plant, she was

suddenly standing on a clearing, the gaping cliff right in front of her. She was exhausted, and even if there was another path for her

to take, she would not have the strength anymore. Rarity blinked her tears away.

 

Was that it?

 

She was standing as close as she could to the maw that was the sheer drop into the sea, as if the added distance to her pursuers would

give her some kind of advantage.

 

The young, beautiful unicorn closed her eyes, grim determination on her lovely face.

 

She could hear Suris rogues shoveing the plants out of the way, grunting and breathing heavily.

 

"You should just lay down, luv. We will make it relatively quick and painless. Just a little cut through the slender neck of yours, and

that will be the end."

 

"The end..." Rarity wispered to herself.

 

The unicorn was completely calm now, she knew what she had to do.

She let herself go, relaxed her legs, and plummeted down into the darkness.

 

The fall was over quickly, but for Rarity it seemed like ages. She expected to feel the pain of her body being shattered by the

cliffside, or smashed by a half-sunken rock on the water surface, instead she hit the water, belly first. The pain was excruciating,

and the air in her lungs was expelled by the impact.

When Rares tried to breath again, she just swallowed ice cold sea water. When she tried to swim to the surface, uncontrolled muscle

spasms prevented any controlled movement. When she tried to look for the way to the surface, her eyes burned from the salt in the dark

and merciless waves.

 

Instead of falling to the two killers that Suri had send to kill her, her life would be claimed by an even more ruthless murderer. The

dark, cold, and deep ocean.

She thought of the many sailors that had lost their lives to it. She thought of the city, how the citzens loved her, how they were glad

that she was their governour. She thought of her friendly assistant Coco. She though of her family, especially her little sister, that

were now defenseless to Suris wrath.

She thought of the mysterious pony in her dreams. The pony she knew was destined to be her beloved. The pony that she was destined to

be together with. She thought that now, she would never meet it.

 

Instead of panicking, she got calmer and calmer. The cold water started to feel warm, pretty comfortable actually. As if she was laying

in her bed again, surrounded by her silken cushions and blankets, as if all of this never had happened.

She was tired, she just wanted to sleep... Her eyes closed... She did not have the strength anymore to fight... She welcomed it. She

welcomed the silence.

 

...

 

Governour Rarity was standing on a little hill, the grass tickled her hooves. It was a gorgeous day, almost unreal, like a mirage. The

caressing rays of the sun fell upon the unicorns silken coat and exotic birds filled the warm air with their songs.

The young mare could see the shape of another pony standing in the shadows of a tall palm tree, turning its back to her. instinctively

she moved towards it.

She did not know the name of the stranger, nor its face, but she knew from the depths of her heart that she loved the unknown pony.

 

...

 

Only that the was not standing... no... She was laying on her side. And the grass was not tickling her, in fact, there was no grass,

only cold, wet sand that clinged to her wet, cilly body.

The rays of the sun were not caressing her, instead they were stinging.

No exotic birds filled the air with their songs, instead there was only the raspy screech of the seagulls.

 

"Wake up."

 

She could smell the sea, but instead of pleasant, it was overpowering. The smell of dead fish and salty sea grass made her gag. Or was

it the smell?

 

"Wake up."

 

Her lungs were burning, as if they were filled with acid. Maybe that was the cause for her gag reflex?

 

"Wake up"

 

Rarity forced her eyes open. Her gaze darted around. Everything was blurred outlines, and hazy shapes. As if she could not focus, as if

she was still half asleep.

 

"WAKE UP!"

 

Reality hit her like a sledgehammer.

 

She immediatly had to throw up. Salty sea water forced itself out of her throat. Her neck hurt. The sun was too bright. The noises too

loud.

Rarity gasped for air, greedily filled her lungs again. And even though it was a torture for her sore lungs, it felt really good.

To take a breath again after all what had happened. She had cheated death.

 

Only now she felt the rough hooved that held her in place, the hooves of a sailor, marked by hard work and exposure to salt water, and

the merciless winds of the sea.

A deep but kind sounding voice talked to her.

 

"Heh, seems like i managed to grab another one out of Davy Jones clutches. Thought at first you were a Siren. You certainly are pretty

enough missy, but you lack the fish tail i reckon. Hehehe."

 

"You are safe now, no worries. Old Dan never lost a soul he pulled out of the ocean. Close those pretty eyes again, missy. You need the

sleep."

Rarity was tired, and her voice was just a coarse wisper, but she still managed two words before she fainted again...

 

"Thank you..."

 

After that, all was dark again for a while. But it was different this time, it felt familiar and intimate.

 

Then she started dreaming again... She took refuge in the things she knew in those stormy times, for when she would wake again,

everything would be different.

 

...

 

Governour Rarity was standing on a little hill, the grass tickled her hooves. It was a gorgeous day, almost unreal, like a mirage. The

caressing rays of the sun fell upon the unicorns silken coat and exotic birds filled the warm air with their songs.

The young mare could see the shape of another pony standing in the shadows of a tall palm tree, turning its back to her. instinctively

she moved towards it.

She did not know the name of the stranger, nor its face, but she knew from the depths of her heart that she loved the unknown pony.

 

 

  • Brohoof 9

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Wow! That is wonderful and amazing story Obsidian! I loved it the emotion was real I could feel it. I admire your work and the words of mine can't describe how much I like this story.

 

I hope that you will keep writing these because they are joy to read.post-28950-0-32636700-1411831305.png

  • Brohoof 5
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You already know I love it :please:

 

Your stories are just so much fun, and this one is like Rarity herself - you just can't take your eyes off of it :D Suri is going to be an excellent villain and I can't wait to see what the Sapphire Seas have in store for our lovely lady Rarity :wub:

  • Brohoof 5
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I thought you did a good job; the story kept my interest the whole way through. I wanted to snap Suri's neck throughout the entire thing, which can only mean she is an effectively written villain. Keep up the good work!  

  • Brohoof 5
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Last night I had a dream about this, that lead me to an Idea, making an animated movie about it.

Wow, really? =O

 

Thats awesome!

 

And thanks to you and everyone else for your opinions on my text, means much to me. :3

  • Brohoof 4
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Not bad for an opening chapter. Some of the sentences were a bit confused and clunky during the dream sequences but I think you were going for that. One thing that will greatly help your fiction is waiting a few hours and reading it loud as it is written (if you do not wait you will read what you THINK you wrote) and edit as nessesary.

 

One gripe I have with this (a minor one but still a gripe) Was your characterization of Suri. To be frank it was not her at all but a pony with her name and likeness. The thing about Suri is she pretends to be nice to get what she wants. She was an instance of Cognitive Dissonance for Rarity; Our mare was not expecting for Suri to do what she did, and she never really broke her Facade to people she conned. The Arresting scene would of had more umph if Suri was all smiles and friendly as she delivered the news while her goons did the rough housing. Her victory could of come from Rarity being too trusting of her and too generous, it would of melded really nice.

 

Also you do not discribe what the characters look like enough. You know how they appear to you but to an outsider this would of been too vague to conjure a mental image.

 

Other than that not to shabby mate.

  • Brohoof 3
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Wow; you know I've Always loved your writing; and that I've longed for you to write longer fics for a long time... Well worth the wait... I cannot wait until the next chapter!

  • Brohoof 3
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Not bad at all. I continued to be amazed that English is not your native language. I have a soft spot for the old fashioned pulp adventure series and serials, and this feels like it may head in that direction. I am absolutely looking forward to this continuing. Positive notes are characterization of Governour Rarity, verb tense, and point of view/perspective selection. There is one or two times to switch POV to a 3rd person tight POV to a 3rd person omniscient within the span of a paragraph reverting again to 3rd person tight  - which can be a very difficult switch to pull off. The use of dialog tags, while not necessary, still have that familiarity that the reader has been conditioned to expect. I would suggest starting to employ them, and fight back the urge to use adverbs with dialog tags. Let me know if you want a quick copy edit (I promise I will not change one iota of the story). :P

 

The important thing is interest, characterization of Jewell Butt, pacing, and story are all decent. That means some tweaks to the craft will make your style and voice sing. I've always said that you have great potential especially as a romance writer (I prefer that term over shipfic). I still hold out hope in the future that we will collaborate on a serial of some sort. 

 

Keep freaking writing man. Oh, and the tease at the end. :please: 

  • Brohoof 3
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 Let me know if you want a quick copy edit (I promise I will not change one iota of the story). :P

 

I would seriously love that, but only if you have the time.

  • Brohoof 3
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I would seriously love that, but only if you have the time.

 

I have time, I actually have the grammar spelling edits done, but it's on my network drive at work and I've been down with the flu or some such for a few days. Imma send to you first thing tomorrow

  • Brohoof 2
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