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I don't know anymore.


碇 シンジン

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I have wondered this for a long time. Am I really the person I'm being here or am I the person that I am IRL.

 

I can't be both because they are totally different. Here I can be open I can share my thoughts and be happy. IRL I don't share anything I don't talk I'm always alone and at misery.

 

I have wondered who I am for 10 years and I haven't found answer, but lately when I joined here the difference between my IRL behaviour and behaviour here has grown bigger. And that really puts me in weird situation. I try here to be strong, kind and helpful. I also want to share my feelings and thoughts and that feels good. IRL I just sit alone not interacting with anyone.

 

I feel like my body is preventing me for doing things that I would like to do like speaking to others and etc. Maybe it is because I've been put into this mould which is made of social pressure. I feel like I can't express myself at all through that shield that I've made. I can't dig up and express my emotions anymore they are too deep. I don't know how can I beat this. Am I really the type of person I am IRL? Am I just pretending nice here or am I really like this? Why it's still feeling good if I'm pretending?

 

I don't know the answers. I know nothing. I just wish I could be like you are. Free and able to express yourselves I'm just rock outside and I'm not sure what is inside. Our teacher told us about depression at school one day and she showed what are signs of depression. It was called IDC10 I think and I got score 10 and that meant heavy depression.

 

But I don't feel depressed when I'm here I only feel when I'm at school or not here. You guys probably don't understand me but I just wanted to share this.

  • Brohoof 19

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I'm the exact same way. *Hugs* I get mad at myself so much because I can't talk to people IRL very well...but on here, I talk as much as Pinkie Pie. How you are on here shows how you are inside. You just retreat within yourself around people in the real world which is no surprise due to the fact that people can be cruel and judge harshly. On here, everyone is kind and accepting.

 

I get depressed sometimes just watching FIM because of how beautiful and accepting their world is and how badly I want real life to be that way. You're not alone.

  • Brohoof 4
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Those who often think they know themselves best know nothing at all. It's wise to question yourself often to better your judgement.

 

It's true that this forum provides the safety of anonymity among it's members and allows you to choose your words carefully, but in the end, if you don't make deliberate effort to misguide others, i think you're actually being the truest you can be. You have the freedom to express yourself here without any member judging you, it's a choice, and i think you should take it as a good thing.

 

I think many people share your sentiments here, or at least can relate to some degree.

 

At any rate, i believe i speak for everyone when i say you're more than welcome to show us any form of self-expression here that you'd like; even if you feel you have to stay stoic and neutral in real life. You don't need to feel confused about your true self for THAT. :)

  • Brohoof 3
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The person you are here is your real you, the person in real life is a mask.

 

I can tell you that because my situation is exactly the same as yours, i have heavy depression myself and take meds and go to therapy. this forum helps me to interact with people in ways i could usually not, i can be like i really am, not the scared depressed person i am outside of it.

 

You should try to get therapy, it may help you to loosen that mask a bit.

  • Brohoof 6
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That's a very relatable feeling. Afraid to approach and speak out for interaction. I would always separate myself from others feeling like that I would say something socially awkward.

Being a pony of details totally tolls on my reactions, always thinking what to say and thinking about possibly repercussions.

 

And that's the best part about being here. I don't feel anything is an odd question any longer.

 

I'm sorry if I'm not sounding helpful, just speaking directly from me heart and mind. You aren't alone friend... I understand that sensation.

  • Brohoof 2
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Dude, I know that to good well.

 

In RL, I'm more shy, barely talk, except in work with few and at home. Even to shy to ask somepony, how late it is. I also get fast annyoed or worried about the littlest things.

 

Here I'm completly open. I can talk a lot, I have a lot of friends(BTW, you included) and I feel like, I can talk about me without getting strange looks for my likes: NSFW and SFW.

 

I often feeled depressed too in RL, but I end up here, too have a place to be me myself, forgetting RL just for few hours, too be happy.

 

Don't worry about that too much, be here as you want, be IRL as you think and try to stay positive :)

  • Brohoof 4
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Hmm, look at it this way. Not expressing yourself irl doesnt mean you become a different person. When the sun goes down, you cant see any of the prertty things around, or feel the warmth, but everything is still there, right? Same case with you. This is the place where you choose to express your true colours.

 

This happens with everyone. You only show yourself truly when you feel like you're at home.

  • Brohoof 2
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The you here is the core person. I know it sounds a little strange but it can be brought to light. To be honest, I really don't wanna make new friends outside the Internet because it's hard to manage those things. However a genuine friendship is something I always look into. 

 

I like coming here to help younger people if I can. Kids are smarter nowadays - indeed they lack direction. 

 

If people can't accept you, it's their loss and not yours. Depression is just an outward state of mind. It can happen to anyone. Don't let life overwhelm the good you can do. It all starts with a smile and hug. And that's what makes this world a better place. 

  • Brohoof 2
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The you you are online is the real you, and the one IRL is you with a mask. I blame the media. Although let's get to the point. I have broken through that barrier before. Due to the severity of bullying through middle school and at home every time I see someone getting bullied or hurt I stand up for them. But when I do my mind goes blank and I speak directly from my heart. Next thing you know the bully is gone and I don't know what I just did. Turns out after asking some people watching me I was acting like the person I dream of being. I may not have been able to hear or know what I was saying, but I'm certain I felt amazing. I believe there is a possibility you can be you IRL. Just it's not always as easy as it sounds. If you feel you're at home you can, or if something gets you all "Fired up" like what happened to me a few times.

  • Brohoof 2
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Anonymity can make us drop our guards around others, revealing a self of us that's more true than we might think.

 

In real life, the social pressure on how you should be, what you should be and what you should think moulds you into a shell that fits the norms, so that you're accepted by your peers, friends and society at large.

 

There are so many expectations that even if you try to fit outside the norm, there are still expectations and judging eyes that will make sure to affect your mind, even if it is only subconsciously, and it can in turn make you feel miserable when you begin to think about if this is really you.

 

Here though. The only thing others know of you are what you have said, the expectations are a small set of rules on behaviour rather than tomes full of social norms and you can be whoever, or whatever, you want to be.

 

It gives freedom to have less boundaries like that, which will make you more relaxed. Also helping is the fact that, as I mentioned, you're only what you decide to post. Here, you are effectively anonymous.

 

Here, you can be yourself.

 

It might sound like romanticising the subject, but the fact is that I believe that you, me, and everyone else here, feel better because we're ourselves here. We're not the shells that society have formed us into. We are who and what we have formed ourselves into, and that is more genuine than what we call reality..

 

If I'm wrong, I'm sorry. I hope you can believe that I am, and that I'm not trying to do anything bad here. I just try to say why I think you feel better here, and why I believe that you are not just pretending, but just being yourself.

 

I hope you'll feel better about your depression eventually, and know that you're never alone: You have many friends here who are supportive and will try their best to understand and help, myself included. :)

 

6-105-MY-LITTLE-PONY-HUG-WALL-STICKER.jp

((Most sources were in Russian, so not sure who made the picture. Not me.))

  • Brohoof 4
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C'mon.

 

You are whoever you choose to be. Reality is, we don't know you, so you can be whoever you want and it wouldn't really matter to us.

 

It can matter to yourself, but that's not a very big problem to solve. You do know who you are, do you?

  • Brohoof 3
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IRL I often feel really lonely as I have a hard time interacting with other people. People are often talking about things that I don't know anything about and they have other kind of interests. I'm really tired of that since I just want to be able to talk to people like a normal person.  :(

 

One reason why I love MLP:FiM so much since it is the kind of perfect world were people would want to live because it is so unlike the bitterness of the real world. However how I dealt with depression was trying to talk to some people at school and I managed to make a best friend (I only managed to make 1 good friend that I am still in contact with and that isn't really a great success however I do consider it better then nothing). I still find it really hard to talk to people, however I'm starting to get there. But I am only able to talk to people as long as I know what people are talking about.  :okiedokielokie:

 

I think your depressed because you wish for interactions with a real human being. You kinda are when your here by talking to us but you don't really meet any of us face to face and you really wish to have that kind of a relationship where you can be talking straight to someone you can call a friend.  :o

 

If you really want that kind of a relationship you should try to make a new friend (perhaps at school or someplace else) but know this, we are always here for you. Don't let depression control you.  :D

  • Brohoof 2
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The real you is the personality you chose to have not the one you feel forced into.  So the ooBrony we see here is the real you.  You shouldn't be afraid to show the real you to the rest of the world.

 

internet_brohoof_by_cooolyfooly-d5c9mbf.

  • Brohoof 3
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Ok dude. Here's the thing:

There's more than plenty of people that are just like you.. I mean, look at me.

I still haven't shown any kind of personality (i guess) in this forum since I'm new and all. But I am just like you.

 

I was part of a community before and I still have friends from that time. I was crazy, funny and didn't give two bucks about what others thought of me. That's me.

 

On the other hand, when I'm at school I feel like I can't express my feelings. I am the definition of what the society doesn't want.
I'm a girl who likes video games, I am teen and watch tv cartoons, I hate any kind of girly thing. It's hard to express myself when everyone around me is exactly the opposite of me.

That's also me.

 

I think what you don't get (or I don't know what I'm talking about here) is that both sides are you.

You are introvert. You probably can't talk to people face to face because you feel different or just something doesn't feel right about that.

But deep (DEEEEEEP) inside you, you are a great person with a lot to look up to.

 

It may seem weird but, it's possible.

Do you have any "best friend" that actually knows both "you's"?

I do. She is stupid and weird beyond any doubt. But one day, she decided to sit by my side when she saw me all alone. We talked and she realised that I had been through a lot of "depressing" stuff that most people don't go through (at least not the same way).
After I told her about me, I noticed she was crying along with me. Since that day, she understands that I'm a depressing little turd, but also the funniest gal she knows :D And I'm happy for that.

Just wait for that day when someone will come and talk to you. Talk to them freely. If they have a problem with that, they suck... :P
Probably you will find a friend.

  • Brohoof 1
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