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Magic Tricks: It's All in the Rubber Nose


Moved to Elsewhere

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(Warning: This is me attempting a semi-serious plot)

(The episode opens up with Emily setting up a game system with popcorn, cheese puffs and soda. The doorbell then rings. She walks over to open it and sees Mark and Willy, along with Willy’s 4 year old brother, Wayne.)

Emily: You’re here and, you brought Willy the second.

(Wayne starts crying.)

Willy (face pams): Emily, how many times do I have to tell you he doesn’t find that funny.

Emily: Sorry.

Willy: I brought Wayne with me because my dad is too busy tonight. He was kind of vague with what he is doing.

(Meanwhile at Willy’s house.)

Wally: It’s time to test about the most mysterious magic trick of all time: HOW THE HECK DO I TIE THIS TIE ON FOR THE MAGICIAN BANQUET TONIGHT?! (He jumps around while trying to tie it and ends up falling into something.)

(Cuts back to Emily’s house.)

Wayne: Don’t worry, I’m just an adowable little kid.

Willy: Yeah when your first word was antidisestablishmentarianism, the adorable speech becomes just a little bit unbelievable.

Wayne: All right you got me. It’s not my fault I was a prodigy literally at birth.

Mark: Cut the introductions and move on to the sleepover.

(They go over to the TV and start loading up the Danger Unicorn video game.)

Wayne: Whoa whoa, I don’t wanna play this game.

Willy (looks over at him): Really, what game do you wanna play?

Wayne: A game that was designed for a more big kid audience.

(Cuts to the game loaded up.)

Willy: The Clowny Cam video game? This is for a big kid audience?

Wayne: Well, the game says ages 3 and older and older are big kids.

Willy: Oh curse the game rating system.

(Wayne starts playing the game.)

Wayne: YAY Clowny Cam is so fun!

(The three kids groan. Ellen comes in and sees the game in horror.)

Ellen: (gasp) (She runs to the kitchen, pours a cup of water, walks back in, and proceeds to spit take.)

Ellen: WHY ARE YOU KIDS PLAYING THAT HORRIBLY INAPPROPRIATE GAME?!

Wayne: But Mrs. Ellen, it’s for ages thwee and up.

Ellen: Not that kind of inappropriate, the clowny kind of inappropriate.

Emily: (face palms) Oh not the clown thing again.

Ellen: Clowns are the bane of my existence. They steal the attention of the magicians with their circus acts and balloon animals. Oh and that squeak from the rubber nose, that horrible squeak. (A squeak comes from the game. She cringes.) That Clowny Cam was the worst of the bunch. He was one of the reasons that we magicians started losing popularity. (Flashback ensues.) I was at the top of my game. Everyone loved my tricks. They gazed in awe at it. They loved seeing my magic. Until that Clowny Cam rolled into town. (Clowny Cam's act literally rolls i to town.) He used very cheesy acts like making balloon animals and firing himself out of a cannon and squeaking his stupid rubber nose (Squeak squeak.) (Cringes.) The audience fell in love with him and I started losing business. Eventually, I settled down and started a family and somehow, Clowny Cam mysteriously disappeared. That game you’re playing must be an old one.

(Mark looks on the game cover.)

Mark: It’s a reunion special game from 20 years ago.

Ellen: Oh, I can’t believe they’re remembering someone as despicable as him.

Willy: But why did he disappear?

Ellen: No one knows why. Now if you’ll excuse me kids, I’m gonna go vent my frustration in my room due to the horrible reminder of those dark times. (She storms off.)

Mark (Looks at Emily): Man, your mom really hates clowns Emily.

Wayne: Her story scared me.

Emily: I find it weird that she hates clowns. Does she not know about the clown stuff that’s sitting in the attic?

The Rest: Clown stuff sitting in the attic?

Emily: Yeah, my dad gave them to me as a birthday present when I was 5, but my mom never knew about it. I wasn’t too interested in them so I just stored them away in the attic and they’ve been there ever since. Let’s see if they’re still there.

(All four of them walk up to the attic door. Emily grabs the string.)

Emily: Now remember, opening this door can be dangerous. I mean the door could just fall on you on any second (As she’s saying this, she pulls the string too hard and the latter falls on her head. It results and a cartoony look on her body.) Nevermind.

(They climb up to the attic and dig around. Eventually, Emily finds the clowny stuff and blows off the dust. She coughs and looks at it.)

Emily: Ah, here it is. A little dusty but it looks like it’s still in tact.

Willy: How could your mom not realize it’s been up here?

Emily: We barely look in the attic. Some memories I prefer to be forgotten. (Backs up to a stuffed animal of Berry the Bear, she sees it and throws it somewhere else well the voice activates and says, “I adore you.)

Wayne (Looks more closely at it.) This is the Clowny Cam costume.

Emily: What, no it’s not.

Wayne: Yeah it is, here’s all his balloon animals and there’s the red nose.

Emily: Wayne, clowns mostly do the same tricks, I highly doubt out of all the clown outfits in the world, this could be (Looks at the label. It says “Property of Clowny Cam. She studders in shock.)

(They all look, and are stunned in shock)

Mark: How could this be?

Willy: No way.

Emily: This can't be true.

(Wayne stays silent a little longer, then gets excited.)

Wayne: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR DAD IS CLOWNY CAM! THIS IS SO AWESOME AND-

(The other three silence him, shushing. Emily covers his mouth.)

Emily: Do you want my mom to have a heart attack which will only escalate into more dramatic ranting?

Wayne: No.

Emily: Then shut up about it!

(Wayne nods)

Emily: I just don’t understand. Why wouldn’t my dad tell me about this? I’ve only known him for 9 years.

Mark: Maybe he didn’t want to shock your mom.

Emily: Probably, but that still doesn’t explain why he didn’t tell his only daughter.

(A knock is then heard)

Cameron: Kids, what are you doing up in the attic?

(They huddle together)

Emily: Okay, I think we should go about telling him about the Clowny Cam thing in a calm and courteous manner.

Others: Right.

(They come down from the attic)

Wayne: Hi Clowny Cam! I’m a big fan!

(The others shush him.)

Cameron: Uh, Clowny Cam. I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not like I’m him or anything.

Emily: The jig is up father! We know your secret.

Cameron: Shhhh. Just be quiet about it. I don’t want your mother to find out. Clowns are the bane of her existence you know.

Emily: Yes, we know.

(Cameron speaks quieter)

Cameron: It’s tough being a former clown when they’re the bane of your wife’s existence.

Willy (Whispers to Emily): Is your father gonna tell a tragic backstory now?

Emily: There’s a reason they got married.

Cameron: I was a traveling clown. I traveled around spreading my clowny acts all across the world. Until one day, I literally rolled into Houdiniville. (Cuts to flashback where he’s rolling through the barrel). The first thing I saw when I got out of it was her: The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. She made my heart do it’s own tricks (Shows a visual representation of a heart doing clown tricks). I saw her doing magician tricks so I decided I should impress her with my own tricks. I did it and got a lot of attention, but she seemed to show an angry look on her face. I think I made her jealous. I tried to approach her but it was too late. (Shows young Ellen storming off and him standing there looking miserable). There was not much to do after that but to just continue on. I became pretty successful for a few years but I really missed it in Houdiniville. Other than Ellen, there was also many other great things about this town, like the restaurants and the beautiful sites. I eventually decided to settle down and move here.

(Cuts back to present day).

Wayne: Woah.

Willy: I’m just curious, how did you meet Ellen?

Cameron: (Sigh) Ellen. I still remember that day. (Cue flashback) I had just been living in Houdiniville for about a week and I was checking out a magic shop. It was then I once again saw her. She was checking out some magic outfits. I was nervous. I didn’t know if she remembered me but I decided to give it my best shot. I approached her and we had… an actual nice conversation. We had so much in common and had so much chemistry. I of course didn’t tell her about the clown thing because I knew that would end it. I kept this secret hidden. Through dating, through getting married, and through raising Emily. I may have given subtle hints, but those were subtle. So the secret remained secret. (Flashback ends) That is until today.

(The kids look at the clown costume)

Emily: So you gave me this to be clever and subtle?

Cameron: No. I gave you that because I hoped that one day, you would follow in ny footsteps but instead your mom took you under her wing.

Emily: Oh. I don't know if I would've wanted to be a clown.

Cameron: I don't know either Emily. I don't know either.

(Ellen enters)

Ellen: Honey, It's time for us to cook dinner and- (Gasps) Why is Emily holding the suit of evil!?

Emily and Cameron: Uhhhhh

Wayne: Oh that's easy. He's Clowny Cam and he gave her that suit!

Willy: WAYNE! (Covers his mouth)

Ellen: (Big gasp) Is what this boy speaks true?

Cameron: Uh well I (Sighs) Yes.

Ellen: (Gigantic gasp) I can't believe you! Keeping a secret this big from me after all these years!

Cameron: But Ellen

(Ellen storms off)

Cameron: Ellen.

(Scene transitions to later that night. The kids have fallen asleep, but Cameron is still up. He walks up to Ellen, who is still awake, but still angry at him.)

Cameron: Uh Ellen. You still mad at me?

Ellen: Humph.

Cameron: Look, I know me keeping that secret for all these years seems a bit unwarranted.

Ellen: Unwarranted? That's what you think it is? It's downright sketchy to keep secrets from your loved ones for this many years! Why would you do something like this?

Cameron (sighs): Because I love you.

Ellen: Why in the world would you love me for-

Cameron: I quit the Clowny Cam bit to look for you. I knew how much you hated clowns. I feel you wouldn't feel comfortable with me knowing that I'm a clown so I gave it all up.

(Ellen lays there in silence. After a moment, she starts to cry.)

Cameron: Ellen?

Ellen: Sorry, that's just so sweet! You'd do all that for me?

Cameron: Anything that's doable.

Ellen: Oh Cameron!

(Cameron runs into his memory trunk and grabs his rubber nose.)

(Ellen squeaks it.)

Ellen: Now that I think about it, the rubber nose is kind of cute.

Cameron: It's what keeps my comedy in top notch.

(They both laugh. As they're laughing, Emily crack open their door and they don't notice. She had woken up to get a midnight snack and overheard them talking. She just smiles.)

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