There are days I wish I could go back and change what things I did wrong, but know I cannot. I've made some pretty stupid mistakes in my life, and none are a laughing matter either.

It's just one of those moments that are so embarrassing, you wish it never happened. One mistake was me getting angry over a simple insult and striking my brother across the face. It wasn't a moment later that I snapped out of it and realized what I had done... I had lost control again. I felt so ashamed of myself that I just kept myself inside my own room out of fear of hurting someone else in my family.

Even the simple task of making friends has been daunting, and I feel I'll never be able to in reality. I've even told my father that I hated him, even though that was never true. I say things that just end up backfiring on me in huge ways, I've also nearly died four times in the past.

All this...

It's got me thinking, "What will people think of me when i'm gone?" Will I be known as the jerk who made everyone's life worse, or will I be loved? This runs through my mind on a daily basis, and it won't stop, constantly reminding me of what I could have done differently.