(Note, I know I wrote a blog similar to this forever ago, I just decided to organize my thoughts into a free verse poem.)
Picture yourself with different hands. These particular hands look like any other hands on the outside. You can still pick up stuff and do basic hand exercises. But on the inside, it feels a whole lot different. It feels a lot more uncomfortable to do anything with them.
Imagine trying to draw a picture. You want to make it as pretty as can be. You have an idea of what you want it to look like and where everything goes but there’s just one problem, how do you draw it? You don’t want to just draw a stick figure, you want to draw more, like the ones who get paid to do it. You try and try to get it down perfectly, but there’s this shaking feeling in your hand that’s stopping you. It makes gripping a pencil uncomfortable, like some force is constantly tickling your hand to make it not hold straight. Your lines can’t come out straight, and your picture winds up looking like something a 7 year old drew.
Imagine trying to write a story. You want the presentation to look professional. You know you must have good handwriting to not only make it look more mature, but so you can read it easier. The moment you pick up your pencil, your hand starts shaking. You think, “Oh no, that shaky feeling is back.” You try to ignore it as you write your story, but it won’t stop. You finish your story and look as your handwriting comes off as sloppy and and not straight. You are now forced to type everything even if it’s just a little poem.
Imagine doing any other task most people learn at a certain age like driving, riding a bike or tying your shoes, but mastering it at a much later age than all of your peers. It pains you to see all your friends talking about how they finally rode a bike with two wheels or how they finally got their driver’s license, while you wonder if you ever will get your license or will be stuck taking the bus for the rest of your life. You then wonder all the things you could potentially be missing out on, all because your hands are constantly shaking. You know in your head they aren’t actually shaking but when you try to perform any actions with them, the feeling of it comes. It’s like a curse that you can’t ever cure.
Welcome to my world.