For the past year and a bit, ever since I had started getting homeschooled, I have been sitting in a room by myself, and have had a lot of time to just think about myself and my opinions on the world. I've probably only talked to 1 girl in real life between when I started homeschool and now. It's only been quite recent that I've been having constant flashbacks of when I used to actually do things with my irl friends, when I used to actually see people of the opposite gender daily. These flashbacks come to mind the most whenever I'm trying to get to sleep, which makes sleeping quite difficult. My social skills have been lacking lately as well, probably because I never get out very much. I'm almost 17 and I can't drive a car, I'm too afraid to get a job, I'm lonely and I just feel like I'm never seizing the day.

The reason I'm posting this now is because last night.....I had the weirdest dream, I've never had one of these dreams before and it made me feel.....different inside. In the dream, I had a girlfriend......but for the first time ever, it felt like I actually cared for her not because of what was under her clothes, but because of her just being her, I know I said it before but it was the weirdest feeling....I had never felt anything like it before. I woke up, and then instantly started bawling out tears after I realised it was just a dream. Ever since this morning, whenever a picture of a girl would catch my glance, that same feeling that I got in the dream came back again, like as if I just had to protect her from something.

There are other things that attribute to this story, but I only feel like as if I should tell the people who are actually genuinely concerned about whatever the hell is going on.