I'd like to mention right, it should not take a month of playing a nuzlocke-style MMORPG to beat the first boss of a 100 story game. I can't even fathom no one being able to find the first boss in a single month. An entire month in Pirate101 had gotten me pretty far through a few worlds. I was indeed a beta tester, and I did die a few times, but these are not aspects that should be taken into account considering these people literally live their current lives in the game of SWO. They have 24/7 to find the boss. This aspect feels like the creators are trying to depict the game as hard, and possibly risky, but 100 floors would make the game really, really, really easy on the first floor. Considering the first moments I've played of WoW had taken me quite a few levels up and explore, it seems pretty ridiculous that none of the players could find the boss. This is all from the pre-intro scene.

(I'm also assuming they moved the boss room since none of the beta testers can find it.)

So welcome again. It's been far too long since I watched the first episode. My excuse is that I don't feel like watching it, but I'm in the mood to put myself through pain again. I have reread my review of the first episode, and I believe I am pretty caught up in knowledge to be able to remember the important factors going in. I think I should start putting a disclaimer-type thing at the beginning of these now.

Hello. My name is Zeal Crown, and I hate myself enough to put myself through the pain of watching Sword Art Online. I've always hated this show, but I thought I'd explain why, as I'd like to consider myself a pretty good MMORPG guru. My 'reviews' are in the style of 'I say what I think when the moment shows up' so I may be unorganized in my saying. Of course, this is entirely my opinion too, and you are by far welcome to have your own. (I'd love to hear them too) So with that, please, endure this pain with me as we watch...Sword Art Online.

Right away after the intro, we find out this "knight" has found the boss with his team. At the top of a tower. Unless this tower was hidden or something, I'm going to have to make the assumption that these people are the most unobservant people in the anime universe. It's common for bosses to be at the top of towers so I'm not really getting why it would have taken a month. Oh well I guess, it still could have been hidden. Seems like a thing the creator would have done.

I'd also like to mention there was a scene with two people who looked like the main character. I didn't know which one was him...and he was in the next scene after these two. These character designs are way too similar and bland-looking.

In this scene, the characters are instructed to form groups. I actually like this scene as it's pretty accurate to MMOs. The characters form into groups of 6 and will try to take on the boss together. Grouping in MMOs is actually a thing, and I'm quite surprised at how accurate this scene is, even if it isn't much. Groups are meant to put people together (usually between 4 to 6 players max) and they are able to do such things as quest together, share exp. or simply just have increased knowledge and help of each other. It's a small thing to be happy about, but it's the first accurate thing about MMORPGs in a while.

And then Kibaou, the beta tester hater, jumps in. He wants the beta testers to apologize to the 2,000 players that have died so far. (twice the amount of the original beta tester mind you, but that's another gripe for another time) He believes the beta testers all ditched for their own selfish goods. Took all the hunting spots, took the easy quests for themselves (which probably wouldn't earn much, but whatever) ect. He wants the beta testers to get down on their knees and "give up all the money and items they hoarded. Otherwise, we can't trust them to protect us as party members, and they shouldn't trust us." like some non-beta uprising or something. Kirito looks like he's about to have some nervous breakdown too, so I'll also assume he's one of the selfish types.

Kibaou is quickly (verbally) shot down and told that the beta testers gave all the information they could in a beginner's guide handbook. And there goes that problem. It's still near the beginning of the episode, so I'm making yet another assumption that he'll be back. Kibaou seems like a character that could have been pretty accurate to 'noobish' type players though. I would have loved to see him depicted as the players that fuss in the beginning areas and expect the help of stronger people for almost no reason. Those players exist in every MMO, and it would have been a great opportunity. Instead, this person just seems useless. Just a minor thing that bugs me I guess.

We learn that the boss that was discovered has some neat little tricks. Which leads me to believe someone must have died to attain the information that I guess non-beta players can add to the handbook as well. The writers for this episode must have been at a loss of what is happening, because I don't know who can and can't write in the handbook, and I would like to know if people died to attain the information. If so, I also don't understand how other people wouldn't know about the boss if it's been issued in the new handbook. Anyone with the latest handbook should know about the boss by now, how is this blue-haired knight the only one who knows? The writers should keep track of what each individual character knows.

The bread scene with the butter seems useless to me, so there isn't much to say about that other then it shouldn't be here. BUT WAIT! Kirito says he got the butter from a quest a town back, and he offers to take is only other party member over to beat the quest...even though quests and monsters are limited. I thought. But, what? You see, even as a show, they can't stick to what they say. The previous scene stated that the beta testers took all the hunting areas and the quests to themselves. So then this quest shouldn't exist. Kirito beat it! No more butter quest! This mysterious Asuna gets no more butter! Freaking butter is driving me up the wall!

Asuna is also suicidal or something, but doesn't want the game to beat her. Her story is weak, and I don't like it. Enough said.

There's also something about switching, but it's never elaborated on. Another thing not to care about. The significance is that Asuna wasn't ever a part of a group or party, so she doesn't know about it. I don't blame her, I don't usually team up for the first part of games either.

The information about the boss was mostly right. The boss switches out weapons and strategies once his health reaches the red, so now he has another weapon. And it's the wrong weapon from what was described in the guide. That would give me the false assumption (I'm making a lot of assumptions, but that seems to be how this show is treating me) that the players didn't record the right data. But then Kirito remembers the weapon the boss should have had, and it's the wrong one. This is messed up all the way.

The information about the boss wasn't discovered until the 'heroic blue knight' somehow magically found it single-handedly in his oh so great handbook. But Kirito knew what the weapon should have been already. Sooooo why didn't he put that in the handbook!? Even if only beta testers can add to the handbook or something, he was a beta tester. If he knew about the boss from his beta experience, why didn't he tell them!? Now I get why Kibaou hated on beta testers. I would too! Kirito isn't gaining anything from being the only one in this massive hoard party from being the only one to know this. He's putting others on the pedestal of death because...who knows!? WHY!? Why would he not share this information about the boss!? He couldn't even get the gall to say what the weapon switched too! If he did, everyone else would have been surprised as well to realize it's not the same weapon, but Kirito is the only one who realizes it's not the same weapon!

I began writing this to share the inaccuracies of SWO, but I didn't realize I had to explain easy stuff like this either. I'm still a growing critic, but I'm sure a lot of other critics would realize this massive plot hole. It's not even annoying that it's inaccurate, but Kirito may be the dumbest hero I've ever witnessed.

We learn after the now-not-so-heroic-knight practically kills himself that he charged ahead because he wanted the "last attack bonus rare item" which is an extremely common myth among many MMOs. The myth goes "the player who makes the last attack will gain a rare item that only they can earn" which is proven time and time again to not exist. It's rumored in just about every game and it's always proven to be false. It doesn't even annoy me that this myth is somehow a thing in this game (bad game design) but it annoys me even more that this person was selfish enough to take it all for himself after stating "the loot each player collects is there own loot." If this person turns out to be a beta tester, it'll give me even more of a reason to think that beta testers in this universe actually are selfish.

AND I WAS RIGHT, HE WAS A BETA TESTER! So now that leads me up to the misunderstand of, 'why wouldn't he know what the boss could do?' He was in the beta. He knew what would happen. Why did he need a guide to know what happens at this boss? These characters are terrible. I also have no clue why he chose to not take the potion. He'd literally earn much more from Kirito's potion than Kirito would at that time. I'm sure they can always get more too. False sacrifice. I don't feel any affection.

Oh my goodness, Asuna's robe came off! Oh my goodness, she's suppose to be a good looking character! Oh my goodness, I'll bet thousands that she becomes a love interest! Oh my goodness, I'm going to be rich!

Game mechanic wise, I don't get how this works. In reality it would be possible for the robe to fly off, but in a videogame it's always attached to you unless you either chose to take it off, or something code-wise makes you take it off. Unless she had to get rid of the robe to dodge (or something???) it shouldn't have flown off like that. Maybe the boss's affect swung it off? Who knows? I doubt the writers even knew honestly.

Saying "We'll hold him off until you recover" is implying that health is possible to regenerate overtime, so I'd say a good strategy for this nuzlocke would be to attack until you get hit, then just run the boss in circles until you recover. Unless you have to "stand in a patch of grass" to recover health, this should work a high percent of the time. Just outrun the boss. Loophole?

Oooooh, Kirito and Asuna are going to do the last hit together! Oooooh! So I guess the final item will either 1. be randomly given, 2. be duplicated (in which everyone should do the final attack) or 3. be split apart, making it pretty useless. Lets find out what happens.

Kirito got the last attack item bonus. What a shame, Asuna probably deserved it more. Kirito is too selfish to keep it.

Kibaou now explains how selfish Kirito really is by exploiting how Kirito actually did know about the attack, but didn't bother to tell anyone. The other players out him to being a beta tester as he knew all the attack patterns too. It's sad, but Kibaou is actually my favorite character here. He must have been right about those (as Kirito describes in his own words) noobish beta players. Kibaou is the only smart player in this entire game! Kirito makes the extremely false claim the the beta testers somehow didn't even know how to level up, and that these other non-beta players are waaaaay better. But 'oh no, Kirito is nothing like them. He made it higher than anyone else in the beta game! (implying that he is indeed a beta player) He knew the boss's katana skills because the other monsters on floors above had katana skills. (still not stating that Kirito still didn't know that the boss had 'katana skills'. It hurts to see him monologue) He knew more than any other beta player! Kibaou says exactly what I'm thinking at this point. Kirito is so much worse than any other beta player! What kind of selfish player is he!?

Kirito then puts on his new item and tells people not to confuse him with beta players, essentially creating a target for himself. News flash, no one quests with selfish players. Just saying. Also, Kirito states that there's a limit to what single players can do, which most of the time, is true. So really, I don't see why Kirito is creating this false 'bad boy' image for himself. No one will trust him and he'll die alone, surrounded by his own useless lies.

Now the credits roll and I reflect on why I hate myself so much. I don't think I hate myself to put myself through the pain, so why do I? Most other people would say "because in order to recognize good shows, a person must recognize what makes a show bad. SWO is a great example!" or "Being able to recognize why a show may not be as good as it is made out to be demonstrates great training for critics." or "to join the bandwagon" but my reason was simply to point out the inaccuracies. SWO as a game is terrible and would have never launched. I did not realize I would have to explain overall why it's a bad anime. The fans come because they see themselves as 14 year old kids who want to be the rebellious black-haired mysterious fellow in a life-like videogame world. The fans instead got crap that apparently feeds them well. My goodness is this show bad. It's so bad. Sooooo bad. And I'm going to have to keep watching it. Ugh.