Hey guys. This blog is a vent for how I've been feeling recently. What am I feeling? Bad. Really, really bad. I'm sorry if I sound angry in this blog. Please try to understand that I'm not mad at anyone here.

The issue going on with me is that I've been really looking forward to meeting someone I love and someone special in my life, my special somepony, which is basically a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband, wife etc. However, I just can't. I'm often very envious of people who met their perfect match and yet I don't have one. This makes me really unhappy.

The main thing that stops me from finding someone to love is the fact that I am extremely shy around a lot of people, especially girls my age. Being too scared to talk to just anyone, even people in my own family sometimes, has always been one of my biggest personal flaws. I've never been an outgoing person and I have never really confident enough to start conversations. Hell, every time I attempt to make a joke, my sense of humor doesn't even appeal to anyone. So yeah, it's mainly my awkward social personality that drives girls away all the time. Sometimes I hate myself for it. Even though I am pretty introverted 99 percent of the time it wouldn't hurt for me to hang out with my special somepony, who I unfortunately don't have at the moment.

I'm always trying hard to keep my hopes up, but now, I don't even know anymore. There could be someone out there at the other side of the world or right near me who'd make a perfect match for me, but I'm having doubts now, which is making me kind of depressed. People say that everyone has a match. What is this? Tinder? Hell no. Even if everyone does have a match, I highly doubt I would have one for myself.

Because of this problem of mine, every Valentine's Day is a living hell for me. The worst part is that I have people pushing me down on this, like people saying that I'm "too young" or something. No, don't EVER TELL ME THAT I'M TOO YOUNG. I hate it when people say that. A lot of my other friends at lunch time are hanging out with whoever the hell they're dating and here I am typing this stupid blog about why my love life has to be heartbreaking and unfair.

Another problem is that whenever I find someone I like it turns out they're already dating someone else. This happens to me a lot, and I f**king HATE it. It's hard to find someone you love and care for the most but what's harder is making them love you back. As I said before, it's my stupid timid and awkward personality that drives people away and lowers my chances of finding my special somepony. It just sucks.

Basically, I've lost all hope. I'm never going to find my special somepony and this is something I might never get over. This has made me hate myself for how much of a loser I realise I actually am. I could work hard to improve my personality and maybe, just maybe somemone will love me.

Here's an art piece that I've worked on that perfectly describes the way I've been feeling. I'll post it on deviantart sometime soon.