Jump to content
  • entries
    18
  • comments
    45
  • views
    4409

My life feels like a Joke ( Situation Update )


Reason for Cancellation

874 views

I dont know why i post this, but im lost and need to talk something out. I could write it in the Life Advice Topic but im pretty sure they wouldnt be a solution to my problem, so i keep it as a Blog Update.

My current Living Situation gets worse.

At first i wrote an Update about being angry at my sisters Dog, but i never actually mentioned the whole story.

Its not just that the Dog annoys me, im heavily allergic to the Dog. The Doctor even said i could get Asthma after a while and should really move out. My current Health Problems regarding the Allergy are : A skin rash ( i think its spelled ) on my face, which swells and then burst open and bleeds, my Pillow has small blood marks as well as some of my cloathing, because it almost always bleeds, a skin rash on my legs, with red and purple marks that itch and hurt, a constant running nose, coughing and last but not least, infections behind and in my ears, that hurt.

And since i have ear problems already and have to let them get cleaned by a doctor at east once a year, now i have pain every single time, either that or i dont go to the doctor and dont hear much at all, since my ears get closed.

So...yeah, we have the Dog for almost over 10 Years now, that means 10 Years of suffering so far and it doesnt come to an end, it just gets worse. Talking to my Family doesnt work, they dont want to give the dog away and that gets me even more stress, because of the constant discussions about it.

My Health gets worse and my sanity also decreased. I get Rage outs and anger attacks, burst out crying or get suicide thoughts.

Well, at least that was the beginning. Currently im so depressed, angry and stressed out, that i even thought about killing the dog or my sister. ( i will never do that of course, its just very horrible thoughts )

I need serious help, but nobody wants to help me. Im in emotional and literal pain.

I just dont know what to do anymore, my life feels like a joke, like i dont belong here and i just want to leave, but i cant.

First the mobbing in my childhood years and the beating up ( which let to early suicide thoughts ), then my teenager years with bullying and first allergy problems and now its still going.

I just want to die. I cant get a job, i cant get help, i cant do anything, i dont even have any nearby friends who could help me, nor family members who have space for me.

Im afraid i might do something i will regret and might end up in jail, i dont know what to do.

Well, if i dont come online anymore, there are two Options for that: Either i comitted suicide or killed someone ( i was very angry as i was written this, of course i wouldnt kill anyone. ) and i would go to jail. ( but im pretty sure i wouldnt kill anyone and mostly just beat someone in my family up, but that would me get to prison as well, IN WHICH I WOULD STILL LIVE MORE HEALTHIER THAN I DO NOW!

Dont know what this will bring, but i have no one to talk to and the person who owns the dog, even threatend to sue me, after i made everything public about the situation.

Isnt life wonderful? Oh yeah, also, apparently, if i would manage to actually get a job education, i still wouldnt have enough money for my first year to move out, leading to work stress and life stress at the same time. Great Conditions, for showing motivation and a positive aura for a Job.

EDIT : I also forgot to mention, that i also have stomach problems, probably because of the constant changes in emotions, which lets to chest pain, and me having to go the toilette very often and because i have to drive for over an hour to go to work, the drive itself is a nightmare.

Also also, do to my emotional problems, i had to stop drawing and probably will never have a relationship what so ever in the next...i dont know, 2-3 Years or even longer.

11 Comments


Recommended Comments

I feel bad for you.

You know you can get allergy medication like me , being heavily allergic to pollination sucks during springtime (god spring time kills me) and next off Work stress is avoidable just try to have fun while working and avoid anyone who's mean as much as possible. Plus the dogs owner can't sue you for anything unless its a seeing eye dog you could sue him as he is intentionally doing something that harms you (Only sue as a last resort please)

Death isn't the way out of you problem. It's really selfish to be honest with you. It'll be ok. Just focus on the future and the rest will follow.

Unless you physically can't draw right now I seriously recommend doing that again just do casually and don't worry about what your drawing just do it to destress as hobbys tend to do that (I do it that way.)

Don't know if any of these will work for you I just really want to help PM me if you want to talk somemore

Edit: Sorry if this was unwelcome but I just want to help out.

Edited by Maple Bat
  • Brohoof 2
Link to comment

That sucks dude. I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. 

I agree with what Maple Bat said about suicide, that it won't fix anything. But I know what it's like to want to do it. I'm sure there's something worth living for, that there's something you're meant to do or be. I'm still trying to figure that out for myself to be honest. 

You mentioned you feel lost. I feel that way sometimes, too. I don't know what to say that would help, I just hope you hang in there.

  • Brohoof 2
Link to comment

Hi. Lex Detrosio. It is actually worse than last time! I really feel sorry for you! I still try to advise you anyway. What's your mother doing? It's her home. She must make a decision! If this dog is the cause of your illness must change the house alone or together with your sister. I apologize for the private question, but what are the relationships between your parents? Maybe your dad could help get rid of the dog. Try talk to your mom, calmly and without emotion about how you feel. A good solution would be a conversation between your mom and your doctor. He would frighten her with consequences. Please try it. You risk nothing! 

  • Brohoof 2
Link to comment

Thanks for all the kind words and the advice. I was way to angry and sad while i had written this. I wouldnt kill anyone of course. Its just so unbearable.

I even went to a doctor today and he gave me some medication. Even though its just something for my depression and should help me sleep. So its not helping me against my allergy problems.

@Maple Bat

Thanks for the advice, maybe i will try to find some medicine for me allergy, but im not sure about the drawing. I dont really feel motivated. But still thanks.

@Cyniclese

Thanks^^

@Fluttershy Friend

My Mother tried multiple times to talk to my sister, they even screamed at each other sometimes. But, it never worked. I guess it has something to do with the fact, that my mother had to borrow some Money from my sister, or we would have some problems. Also my mother said, that she has two children and doesnt want to make any of them sad. Which means, that she wont give the dog away. I dont really think its fair, considering i have to suffer and the dog is most of the day alone anyway, since everyone is out to work, so he wouldnt really have it worse at a dog shelter. But...well..

The Relationship between my parents is..i dont know, in the middle. They sometimes talk bad about each other and other times they help each other. Like my dad helped us move to a new house for example and my mother helped a little with his moving. But i dont think my dad could do anything and i would just make everyone even more angry.

And with the talk to the doctor : Some of my...uh...super visors? I think they are called and even some People in my work place, wanted to talk to my mother, but she never wants to.

She always says, she doesnt need someone to talk bad about her or make her feel bad for her decisions, because she has two children and the situation is already hard enough.So...it wont work.

  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment

Really difficult and strange situation unfortunately. Count down time to change your home. Perhaps it's the only real sollution. As you wrote it will be in 2 years. Until then please take medication. In the future this situation will only be a bad memory!

Edited by Fluttershy Friend
  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment
10 hours ago, Fluttershy Friend said:

Why? 

 

Because i told them before hand, that my workplace time is limited, since im just at a work preperation thing, so i would be a risk to take as the new tenant ( is this the right word? i hope so ). I told them i wouldnt change anything at the house until i have a save work education and even if i have two chances for jobs at my current work place ( with a third chance external ), i still would be a little risk. So, the chance is small. Maybe they tell me i have to wait until i have a safe job or they say no. Or they never answer.

Link to comment

Tenant - I understand this word. OK. Let's hope it will be good. When You will know something about job or this apartment write to me! Let him know by writing/phoneying that You are still interesting to have this house. Good luck!

Edited by Fluttershy Friend
  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment
On 5/24/2017 at 7:45 AM, Fluttershy Friend said:

When You will know something about job or this apartment write to me!

Um, well, i guess now, 3 Years later, i finally have a real Apartment for myself, so i am writing to you. :laugh:

  • Brohoof 1
  • Smile 1
Link to comment
4 hours ago, Lex Destrosio said:

Um, well, i guess now, 3 Years later, i finally have a real Apartment for myself, so i am writing to you. :laugh:

Wow :) Congratulations! :) And thanks that you have remembered to let me know after so long time! :)  Good luck!

  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...