I dont know why i post this, but im lost and need to talk something out. I could write it in the Life Advice Topic but im pretty sure they wouldnt be a solution to my problem, so i keep it as a Blog Update.
My current Living Situation gets worse.
At first i wrote an Update about being angry at my sisters Dog, but i never actually mentioned the whole story.
Its not just that the Dog annoys me, im heavily allergic to the Dog. The Doctor even said i could get Asthma after a while and should really move out. My current Health Problems regarding the Allergy are : A skin rash ( i think its spelled ) on my face, which swells and then burst open and bleeds, my Pillow has small blood marks as well as some of my cloathing, because it almost always bleeds, a skin rash on my legs, with red and purple marks that itch and hurt, a constant running nose, coughing and last but not least, infections behind and in my ears, that hurt.
And since i have ear problems already and have to let them get cleaned by a doctor at east once a year, now i have pain every single time, either that or i dont go to the doctor and dont hear much at all, since my ears get closed.
So...yeah, we have the Dog for almost over 10 Years now, that means 10 Years of suffering so far and it doesnt come to an end, it just gets worse. Talking to my Family doesnt work, they dont want to give the dog away and that gets me even more stress, because of the constant discussions about it.
My Health gets worse and my sanity also decreased. I get Rage outs and anger attacks, burst out crying or get suicide thoughts.
Well, at least that was the beginning. Currently im so depressed, angry and stressed out, that i even thought about killing the dog or my sister. ( i will never do that of course, its just very horrible thoughts )
I need serious help, but nobody wants to help me. Im in emotional and literal pain.
I just dont know what to do anymore, my life feels like a joke, like i dont belong here and i just want to leave, but i cant.
First the mobbing in my childhood years and the beating up ( which let to early suicide thoughts ), then my teenager years with bullying and first allergy problems and now its still going.
I just want to die. I cant get a job, i cant get help, i cant do anything, i dont even have any nearby friends who could help me, nor family members who have space for me.
Im afraid i might do something i will regret and might end up in jail, i dont know what to do.
Well, if i dont come online anymore, there are two Options for that: Either i comitted suicide or killed someone ( i was very angry as i was written this, of course i wouldnt kill anyone. ) and i would go to jail. ( but im pretty sure i wouldnt kill anyone and mostly just beat someone in my family up, but that would me get to prison as well, IN WHICH I WOULD STILL LIVE MORE HEALTHIER THAN I DO NOW!
Dont know what this will bring, but i have no one to talk to and the person who owns the dog, even threatend to sue me, after i made everything public about the situation.
Isnt life wonderful? Oh yeah, also, apparently, if i would manage to actually get a job education, i still wouldnt have enough money for my first year to move out, leading to work stress and life stress at the same time. Great Conditions, for showing motivation and a positive aura for a Job.
EDIT : I also forgot to mention, that i also have stomach problems, probably because of the constant changes in emotions, which lets to chest pain, and me having to go the toilette very often and because i have to drive for over an hour to go to work, the drive itself is a nightmare.
Also also, do to my emotional problems, i had to stop drawing and probably will never have a relationship what so ever in the next...i dont know, 2-3 Years or even longer.