I'm sorry... you know the old adage, that you don't know what you have till its gone...

   You know as well as I do that I've been in a few bad relationships before... You've been with me all my life, maybe you even know me before that even. Heh, I won't lie, can't say I've never been attracted by the idea of an older woman, and your about as old as they come! But I kid. But because of that age difference, you wised up quicker than I did. ... I'm a weak man. I care so much about everything that I give up & ignore the things I once held for granted. I... I didn't mean to abuse you. I didn't mean to lose you.

  Many others have lived with you. They mistreat, misuse and even kid around about killing you and... I wish I had not been one of those. You've... meant so much to me. You've been with me every moment of every day and now I can't stop thinking about you. I know you care, it's just... you ask alot of me. It feels like you're constantly at me and I got fed up and wasted my relationship with you... I see now that you only ever meant to care for me. In ways I couldn't.

  Even if you're not with me I can still almost feel you. I suppose that's love for you... even if somehow grown apart, we still have that vague concept of the other. Heh... I've always thought you were beautiful. Brilliant, intelligent... the way you could always put things in just the right order, even if I could never tell. Now that I've gained more respect by living without you, I can say I've only become more enamored & even obsessed. I could even say you're quite attractive too... heh, even if both of us are humble enough to admit you haven't the body. Sigh, I even miss that cute, calming little ticking noise you sometimes make, even if it did drive me up the wall sometimes.

    ...but I wasted that. Wasted the comfort I once found in you. I never just set aside the moments to just be with you or just plan things out the way your so known for. I... I never did anything with you, never realized how empty & unhealthy my life is without being with you. Now without you everything blurs together into one long smear of activity. I can't rest, can't tell one day from another... I simply am just existing now. We argued constantly... I thought you were worthless, that you were just some abstract notion that didn't even exist or was worthy of me even paying attention to because I was so jaded from all that you had asked of me. I've... I've just lost so many things in my life that I had forgotten to think of something else beyond me and the things I could hold on to. I can't change you, you can't change me... unless I learn to somehow let you in and accept you.

   You might be just a pretty concept to others, but now that I'm living without you I realize how important you were. Like Thanos before with Death, I wish I could only better understand & grasp you. Be it metaphorically or literally.

  I miss you... please come back... Time.