There is a place in every persons life that they retreat to and try to hide from the world. That dark, damp, place that is cold and your body goes numb from the chill. A place where you shut off every emotion in order to just survive. Trying to make sure that nothing else can hurt you because you have been hurt so much before. The recesses of your mind go to dark places, and your body goes limp. 

The thought of kindness is so far out of reach that you seem to just give up. The thought of love is something that is still hard to grasp. Fighting every day to just stay alive not physically, but within your soul. 

As things seemed to be at their worst part the pain no longer affecting you, but you also feel like a robot with just a cold outer shell. You begin to realize that things need to change. That you are the only one who can do that. That you are the one that needs to take a stand and push back. 

That flicker of light deep inside your chest catches the ever faint breeze. Slowly day by day, breathing life back into that lifeless body, soul, mind, and heart. Piece by piece, putting things back on track and fighting for what you deserve. 

Things are not perfect by any means, and you still struggle with things each and every day. Love is still something that you are trying to figure out. Even though it is supposed to be a part of your life you still wonder if it is the right thing. Not looking for an escape, but trying to figure out where that piece belongs. Or if it is just an extra piece in the box that just needs to be discarded. 

Your anxiety throwing you this way and that trying to make you believe the lies that the world is trying to tell you. Pushing everything away but begging deep down that someone will stay. That someone will just listen, that someone will just hold you close. That someone is going to be there after the anxiety passes. That maybe there is someone that will help you pick up a piece or two. 

But the fear that you are going to lose another friend is constantly keeping you from reaching out to someone. Because you are afraid that the person that you trust and love the most is going to be the one that treats you the worst. The one that should be keeping you safe is the one that is hurting you the most. 

Each day is a battle that I am hoping one day will pass. Until then it feels like I am all alone. 

But piece by piece....even if it is the size of a grain of sand. I will build my way back up.