I'd like to talk briefly about the idea of sexual virginity.  I believe that the very concept of "virginity" is one that we could do without.  I believe virginity to be a flawed idea that does more harm than good.

What words and images crop up in your mind when you hear the word "virginity"?  What sort of ideas do your hear associated with virginity?  Virginity has long been portrayed as a sacred, precious thing, a thing of great value that must be cherished, and that somehow diminishes the person when lost.  Having one's virginity tends to be thought of as being pure and untainted.  Virginity is depicted as something that must be safeguarded, something that makes you a more noble or virtuous person so long as you still have it.  I don't think I should really need to explain the problem with this way of thinking, but I will attempt to do so nonetheless.  As I have argued many times on these forums, sex is not inherently dirty, corrupt, or immoral.  Unfortunately, it is used to hurt people, but that doesn't mean that any one person needs to attach a feeling of corruption to sex with respect to themselves.  I am a very sex-positive person.  I view sex as a beautiful, wonderful expression of love.  That's what it is to me.  Whatever it is to anyone, it is not inherently immoral.  The concept of virginity implies that it is immoral, and that abstaining is a virtuous choice.  The concept has caused people to feel ashamed of themselves for having sex outside of marriage, even when it's with a committed partner whom them love very much.  The concept of virginity also tends to make people feel that once they lose it, they are tainted, and "damaged goods".  This is where our old friend the gender double standard rears its ugly head once again.  It cannot be denied that, throughout history, and even still today, virginity is placed at a higher level of value for women.  Women are thought to be much more impure than men once they've lost their virginity.  In many cultures, and at many points in history, men desire a virgin mate/wife, as if that makes their partner better.  Often times, men are actually praised for sexual promiscuity, while women are ridiculed and shamed.  In the traditional marriage ceremony, the bride is supposed to wear a white dress only if she is a virgin.  I can see no other reason for the origin of this tradition other than to advertise, like a giant flag, that the bride is still pure, and if she's not, it becomes a source of shame.

These ideas cannot be jettisoned soon enough.  We need to outgrow this idea that sex is inherently dirty, and that virginity is pure thing, and keeping it until marriage automatically makes you noble and virtuous.  Sex can be one of the most beautiful things in life, and yet, to my despair and dismay, humanity has done an exemplary job of dragging it through the mud and making people feel ashamed of sex, ashamed of desiring it, ashamed of losing their virginity, and ashamed of their own bodies.  A healthy individual, this attitude does not make.  Of course, these unhealthy views of sexuality all come from religion.  Where else would they come from?  People aren't born automatically thinking that their private parts are evil and should be avoided at all costs.

That said, I also want to make it perfectly clear that there is nothing wrong with waiting, with abstaining, with keeping your virginity, etc.  That's completely fine.  There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage, and nothing wrong with being asexual, either.  Whatever makes one comfortable.  And I will be the first to admit that sex is absolutely a big deal, and should be treated accordingly.  It carries risks, and requires the proper level of maturity and education.  The point is that we need to stop treating virginity as an inherently precious thing that needs to be safeguarded.  This just leads people to believe that losing one's virginity diminishes them in some way, which isn't true at all.  To my knowledge, sexuality is the only thing in life that we attach such a concept to.  There is no other area in which we have a term for someone who hasn't done something, such that that unblemished record needs to be safeguarded to keep the person pure.  We need to let go of the very idea that having sex means you've lost something.  I argue that when it's with someone you truly love, having sex means that you've gained something precious.