i'm so badly in love. with this post, i think i've been able to explain how i genuinely feel.

I'm floating in a void with a dark descent below me, but a bright light above, and if I want to reach that light, I have to make an extremely risky move. What do you expect me to do? I've got friends pushing me to ask you out, and I am terrified of what may happen. The question in my head is how did I let my walls break down so quickly? I built them high after the last girl, I'm so fucking afraid to love, and you have no idea. Maybe I'll tell you about it soon. You've been occupying my thoughts a lot lately, and I wish it was easy to know how you feel about me. I could be getting my hopes up over nothing and maybe you don't actually want me and that's fine, but let me know. I'm not spending all this time trying to work out the ever-expanding mess in my head for this to mean nothing. We don't even see each other often, and yet you've managed to make me fall over the course of 2 months in an after school extra-curricular. I'm so afraid to make the first move, and I wish I could make things easier. But those things only happen in our dreams. Maybe you only want me as a friend, and I'm stressing over what you want. Time keeps moving forward, the clock keeps ticking and time is running out for me to say something, and it's a deep drop into the dark abyss below me. You're standing above me, while I'm in a state of purgatory between having dreams come true, and having my biggest hopes let down because I didn't expect this to happen. Will you reach out for me, or am I waiting on a false hope?

I see your smile when you look at me, and the cute shyness of your personality. I'm the only person on our team that you seem to be comfortable around. You laugh at my dumb jokes, and you make me smile, just hearing your voice locks a smile on the face of a guy who never smiles. And it terrifies me that I could lose it all so soon. Am I the one letting myself down by being afraid, when you want this too, or am I letting myself fall over someone who just wants to be friends? The way you look at me, smile, and laugh says love, but those things are never set in stone signs. My doubt and anxiety is eating up my hopes while I still hold onto them and my mind is running circles trying to decide what I do, and if I actually think that you love me or not.

I won't be hurt if you say no, and you will make me the happiest person alive if I say yes.

So are you going to reach out for me? Or will I be damned to fall, my brightest dreams fading from view?