At a younger age, I had always thought that I would be the one who didn't deal with losing old friends or growing apart from people that I assumed would be there forever. High school was completely demolished my previous expectations and assumptions about how life would play out as we all gained freedom and found what we each enjoyed doing, and thus followed those paths in our education. 9th wasn't much different, considering we were in STEM based core classes, but a river of new faces and choices slowly eroded away at what was considered an unbreakable bond that we all formed during the past 3 years of our lives. I was a fool to hold onto that notion for so long. That belief made me ignorant enough to stick around friends who were bad for me. Immature, with a bad attitude towards change or things outside their accepted bubble of what is "normal" and what isn't. They never liked me too much, but I didn't like them much, either. I was too serious, not funny enough, not good enough for them. I attempted to befriend some people that would actively make their distaste for me known. Being naive and stubborn, I refused to accept that some people won't like me. The thing is, not everyone will like you, and that's something that is good to come to terms with early in life. Along with a relationship that drained my happiness, I was attempting to become someone I wasn't to appeal to a group that I resent now. They haven't grown up, you can't have a conversation with half of them and they'll yell "cringe" at any serious topic discussed.

I made some tough decisions in 2017. I'm not a social person but I had to get to know old friends I hadn't spoken to in ages because they were the ones I got to see the most in the beginning of the school year. Some people will tell you that everything happens for a reason, and I do believe it, to some extent. My first big decision was to leave my partner who drove me to rock bottom, and it took much coercion to get me to do that. I then stopped associating with anyone related to my past friend group, I don't need or want them, and it's clear they didn't want me. The months from September to December were spent on self improvement. I entered a stage of looking out for myself only. Not to come off as selfish, but I needed that time more than ever to figure out my life and decide where I was going and what I wanted. I found supportive friends, found enjoyable hobbies and grew from the suffering as a result of the near year-long relationship I left. I let go of judgements, everyone deserves a chance. As I began to follow my own path and discover new passions and befriend new people, I realized my own path was being paved right in front of my eyes, and I knew right at that moment that I was going to have to leave some things behind in order to grow.

As I keep walking down this winding road, there's forks forming with every step and uneven paths. They look scary, but it's boring to continue down the same, normal path.

I think I'm ready to take some risky turns.