It has become more and more clear to me that there is something going on with me regarding this site and my feelings on here.

Mostly during the day I feel extremely uncomfortable here for no apparent reason just being here and looking the site is enough this isn't constant it's more like wavy where suddenly the wave of uncomfortableness hits and then I need to close the site because on that then after some time it evens out and I come back and it is fine for some time but the wave comes again after some time.

Then after a day full of that and I'm tired too tired to hold my composure it starts to shatter and suddenly all these criticisms on behaviour on that state start to appear. Especially when  I'm on this site. It doesn't really feel like these feelings originate from the same starting point at all.

I think that I cannot really figure out who I am supposed to be here or am I something else entirely. This game has gone on for so long that I don't really know what is going on anymore. I'm maybe thinking too much into this. But I can't really help but to question and notice the way I act.