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Infinity Acres


Widdershins

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The wink of a television screen turns on from blackness as an awkward, warped, barely distinguishable jingle plays. The scene starts by a old wooden, rustic country post fence and pans over to Widdershins as a rather bulky, tall woman in obviously cloying suspenders. Leaning on a post and acting as blatantly country as possible, Widdershins is 'mostly' human with long grey hair around a madly grinning, chubby face with bright yellow eyes, two mismatched mittens hiding what clearly aren't hands and an immense, limp fish tail flopped dead behind her. Brightly meeting the camera, picked wheatgrass at ready between teeth, she addresses the audience:

  Oh, Didn't see y'all there! Yes, I did.

    Welcome to Infinity Acres! (A subsidiary of Crossbreed Laboratories.[Parenthesis legally obligated]) Here we produce the finest, high quality sausage, potted meats & "samples" from only the finest, high quality...   ...

 Widdershins suddenly blanks deadpan. Walking partially off screen, she hollers to someone else clearly out of earshot in a voice unhindered.         

OY! Stu! What do we call these freaks?

 ...No! They ain't plants, ya goon! Half of them hardly count as alive!

  ... You know that'un don't count! We barely even know what that thing is in Pasture Twelve & it SURE ain't no Larry!!!

  Eh. Whatever.

 Returning to her intentional slouch on the post as before, she continues with a noncommittal shrug.

 We're who you come to for your "Whatevers." Keep us in mind if you ever need-

 Suddenly the camera is desperately grabbed and yanked to the panicked face of a young, attractive girl with cat ears and tail. A small, cheap bridle of sorts is fashioned loosely around her face and some sort of poor attempt at fashioning blinders to the sides of her head like a horse has been made.

 "Please! Send help! I was only wandering through and they grabbed me and shoved me into a pen like some animal! Help!"

 A large, deep violet mitten drops onto her shoulder, gently but firmly bringing her back, struggling to Widdershins's heel. The big "hand" quickly changes place to drop onto her brown, tousled, short hair between the two out of place cat ears growing out of her head. Instantly, the catgirl relaxes to an expression of joy against Widdershins's wide thigh.

Eeeeasy girl, Easy.

 "Ooh! Good scritchies!"

 Widdershins returns to the camera without pause, absently petting the contented catgirl at her side.

Here at Infinity Acres we have Crossbreed Labs approved Ethics concerning our live-... stock? ...Which supplies us a far wider range in healthy specimens to supply to our customers! 

 "Thumbing" over her shoulder, she directs the camera over to the creature roaming the field behind her. Though all that can be seen is a massive, towering wall of green hide & muscle so immense that even from a distance, not much more than the behemoth's ankle or beginning of what could be a toe can be seen. The camera shows a slight tremor as what could possibly be another foot, several miles away slowly coming down.

 Rest assured your neverminds, that every... thingie... here on Infinity Acres has Use! 

     ...besides, the catgirls are the only thing numerous & expendable enough to send at Acre Twelve!

 The catgirl whimpers. Scritching becomes faster to compensate. 

  Come to Infinity Acres! "Where we don't know where we end & the next place begins!"

...

    ...And come in early Autumn for our new Breeding Programs!

   The catgirl at her side immediately tenses up as the camera cuts out one final time.

 

    Join us next time! (Likely never!) For! 

           It Came From Acre Twelve!!!

  • Brohoof 1

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@Stone Cold Steve Tuna

 What didn't ya get? See, joke is that catgirls (nekomanini, or something) are so common on the internet that jokes about using them as cattle aren't far removed.

 But mostly, wanted to flesh out a bit of imagination & paint a scene & setting! 

  • Brohoof 1
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@Stone Cold Steve Tuna

 Yes.

 Despite this, catgirls are rather needy in a... fanmade sort of way, if you get me. In a way that does disservice to the cats & womankind.

  I would recommend you googling up some catgirls on the interwebs! I'm sure you'll find some hilarious results, no doubt!

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