There has never been a moment in my life where I haven't struggled with something. From almost being a miscarriage as a baby and having to deal with things such as Autism and various other mental illnesses, in addition to many physical issues. Granted I'm not complaining about my life, given that there are many other unfortunate individuals who live in a considerably worse state than I do. What I'm trying to say, is there's a lot about me. However, I sometimes feel that there isn't much about me worth knowing.
I've brought up the fact that I don't have a personality and while I do agree that I indeed have one, I feel that people aren't interested in it. I'm always just on the sidelines, left out. Nobody knows if I'm not there, nobody cares. I don't know why this is. I've opened myself up quite a bit, let my heart out, only to be forgotten and left out.
To quote myself, 'I'm the geeky kid who likes Video Games'. I know there's nothing wrong with that, but I get the impression that I'm not interesting enough to others. I guess these thoughts relate to my recent feelings. I feel empty. It doesn't matter how much I try or how much I pour my heart out to do something, it just leads to disappointment. A hollow victory, if you will. Either it's blatantly ignored or not fully seen, leaving me with the impression that I wasted so much of my time, only to not recieve a second glance. This has lead me to be rather emotionally drained. I haven't cried in two and a half months, which is my longest yet.
On this forum, I can find something unique and distinguishable about every single active user...except myself. What sets me apart from others in the online world? Nothing really. It's more difficult to convey a personality online than in real life. At least in real life, I'm a strange balance between quiet and withdrawn, and silly and over the top. I know there's more in here, but I'm not sure where it is and what it is.