OK, so this is not what was promised at the end of the last entry, but I figured I'd outline the relationship between Discordianism and morality before I forget.

Morality is...a tricky thing to define, especially in the context of the Goddess. Even organized religion has a difficult time trying to define what, exactly, morality is (hence the concept of "sin" and an eternity of eternal torment; it creates a sense of fear and distrust, and the rather unfortunate implication of God trying to impose His will-and therefore Order and "control"-onto a species that is defined by free will-and therefore Disorder and "freedom").

However, I feel the Wiccans hit the nail on the head: An’ ye harm none, do what ye will. What that means is, in Modern English, "Do what you want, as long as no one is harmed". Just as was stated in the Introduction with "Nothing is true, everything is permitted", that doesn't mean you should do literally whatever you want and consequences can go eat a big fat hot dog. The Wiccans also came up with a Law of Threefold Returns to discourage this kind of thinking: it operates under the standby that for every action, there is a greater and opposite reaction, sort of like karma; do good things and good things will happen to you. Do bad things and Lady Eris will bitchslap the shit out of you.I

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Just like the Judeo-Christians, we Discordians base our code of conduct and ethics on a set of ten (Paradoxical) Commandments, outlined in The Book of Eris in a section by one Dr. Ken M. Keith. The Paradoxical Commandments are as follows:

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1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. 

2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

7. People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

9. People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help them anyway.

10. Give the world the best you have, and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

There are also four cardinal virtues discussed a few pages later:

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1. A reverence for all life; manifests as unconditional love and respect for yourself and others.

2. Natural sincerity; manifests as honesty, simplicity, and faithfulness.

3. Gentleness; manifests as kindness, consideration for others, and sensitivity to spiritual truth.

4. Supportiveness; manifests as service to others without expectation of reward.

Together, these virtues grant oneself the Five Blessings of Eris: health, wealth, happiness, longevity, and peace. And moreover, these five points (the Rede, the Law of Threefold Returns, the Paradoxical Commandments, the Four Virtues, and Five Blessings) form a collective ethical standard I like to call the 23 Pragmas of Eris. Pragmas are one of the five kinds of "-ma"; we'll get into further detail about those later. 

But anyways, now that we know what the Pragmas are, what happens when they aren't followed? Or rather, when others don't follow them? For that, we'll need to discuss the tale that Goddess Eris is most well known for: the Original Snub.

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So, I'm pretty sure all of us know this story. Guy named Peleus meets sea-nymph named Thetis, and they decide to get hitched. In celebration, Zeus decides to throw a party on Mount Olympus (called Limbo Peak by us Discordians), and invites all the gods and goddesses.

All except for Eris. Now, as we know, Eris isn't a bad sort; she just loves playing pranks and upsetting the status quo in other ways. To Zeus, though, this was all the justification needed to not invite her. But, or course, this was just because the Olympians were petty, omnipotent children who just couldn't handle their precious little bubble being popped by anyone or anything. Nevertheless, Eris decided to go anyway in spite of being snubbed, out of the kindness of her heart. She wasn't going to stay too long anyway; she'd give Thetis her gift (a golden apple inscribed with the words "to the Prettiest One") then leave. Unfortunately, when Eris got there, she was confronted by Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite, who all began to taunt and leer at her gift. Having no other choice, Eris threw the apple towards the banquet, where the three goddesses dove for it, arguing amongst each other as to who was the prettiest. Eris, nonetheless delighted with the chaos she had just caused, took her leave and stole the hot dogs cooked by Hestia to partake in a feast of her own.

Unfortunately, Hestia had steamed the buns and made them soggy. And so, that is why Eris forbids hot dog buns except on Fridays.

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So, what have we learned today about morality? That, like every other faith, Discordianism has its standards and codes of conduct that should be easy to get with enough common sense. But with the story of the Original Snub, we also learn that karma is an absolute bitch. Anyways, next time, we're actually gonna get to all the stuff I promised last time. And remember, Goddess loves you!