I'll go ahead and put a strong language warning here because this might get dicy.

Super Bowl commercials have always pissed me off. Oftentimes they are simply over-the-top 30 second cringefests from companies that have the money to waste on this garbage, with no real focus on the product. For whatever idiotic reason, the US general public obsesses over this trash. Yeah, let's root for the giant corporations to make overblown ads that don't even market the product.

The 2020 Super Bowl ads however, were next level abominations. Deep Fat Fried, a great video podcast I listen to/watch, reacted to every single ad that played this year, so I too got to suffer alongside them. These ads were the embodiment of everything I fucking hate about this pathetic country. The vast majority of them were filled to the brim with celebrity worship and corporate bullshit, with a little bit of Trumptardation sprinkled on top.

We got things like John Cena and Jimmy Fallon being insanely unfunny and uncharasmatic, but OMG they are rich celebrities so all ofus  must adore it. That was a constant recurring theme of the entire thing. Celebrities being thrown into commercials because people are pathetic drones that are programmed to cheer in excitement anytime one comes on screen. Who needs any god when you have celebrities to worship 24/7? It is the American way! There was one commercial for some kind of...dip thing? It featured an entire cast of celebrities, starting with Ric Flair and even went onto (I think) lil Wayne, because fuck it. People will adore it because people with infinitely better lives than them are on screen.

Walmart making an ad about small towns and local communities and businesses, despite the fact that Walmart has contributed to the murder of these things and they are as corporate as you can possibly get. They even had an ad later that showed just how much in the corporate pocket Walmart is, where they proceeded to essentially rape any decently known property you might love. They started the first ad with something like "America this, America that". That's what we need, more propaganda telling everyone that they are simply the greatest people in existence simply for being "Americans". I mean, it isn't like that shit is thrown in our face ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

We got commercials FOR COMMERCIALS. I am not joking. There were ads that were advertising upcoming commercials. People apparently ENJOY THIS. How has the US general populous not gargled bleach out of sheer stupidity yet? What purpose do these goddamn ads serve? All they are is a display of corporations stroking their own cocks with glee and americans are like "YEAH, AWESOME, I LOVE THIS", because of course they are. Most of these people couldn't give two fucks about the actual football game and even though I hate football, the game itself was actually not half bad, it was a million times better than the worthless shitshow from 2019, where a bunch of overpaid shitheads did nothing for 4 hours and got paid millions for it. Doesn't matter either way, because these putrid commercials are the "stars" of the show.

Later, we got some Trump ads too. GREAT, that's just what I wanted. Two or three commercials focusing on the worst president we could possibly have gotten, a person that is the embodiment of all that I despise, gloating endlessly about how he has saved everything in the US with absolutely zero proof to back it up. There was also an ad for him about how he saved this black woman from prison who was serving a life sentence for some non-violent drug offense. WOW, how amazing of Trump to save her with his "criminal justice reform", even though this is the same guy who wants to outlaw flavored vapes. The same guy who has done NOTHING to address the horrendous health care system, or income inequality, or poverty, or homelessness, or billionaires becoming even richer while the rest of us can GET FUCKED. LAND OF THE FREE HOME OF THE BRAVE MY GODDAMN ASS. Every Super bowl has to begin with that pathetic national anthem, but it is all for nothing, as these ads are clearly showing.

The star of the show for me was Planters, the peanut company. They killed off their mascot back in January which was a painfully obvious setup for some stupid bullshit and stupid bullshit is what we got! Instead, they bring Mr Peanut back but as a BABY NUT. It doesn't get much more "american" than that. A giant corporation, completely ripping off some other stupid thing that everyone else is obsessing over (baby Yoda) and creating their own abomination. Immediately following this monstrosity, it was revealed that there's already a shitload of products lined up about Baby Nut, which clearly means that they had all of this shit lined up long before this ever aired. So they show zero creativity and instead conform to a plague of a trend and now they are already going to milk the ever living shit out of it and all of us are apparently supposed to enjoy this. Gee, I wonder why I am such a cynical bastard. Let's also not forget that when Planters started showing Baby Nut off on Twitter, other corporate brand Twitter accounts were commenting on those posts, hoping to reap in the benefits of this conformity.

God Bless America, because some sky deity blessing us is all we can hope for at this point.