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Update (April 2021)


EpicEnergy

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So this is an update on how things are going for me in life right now.

I'm still working a job that I've had since November 2020, and even though peak season is over (the time around Black Friday and Christmas), they are still making me work a ton of overtime due to sales like a Spring sale. I think it was last week when I worked 6 ten-hour days straight, and they were going to make it 9 days straight but decided to give us a day off. I like the job, but they make us work really hard and don't give us much time off. I know that I have depression because my doctor said so, but I think that maybe being overworked and the environment I'm working in are also negatively affecting my mental health. I work in a warehouse for 10 hours each day except on days off, so I rarely see the sun, and when I come home I'm too tired to go outside. At least my coworkers and bosses are mostly friendly, but I grow weary of doing the same thing over and over again for 10 hours a day with not much time off. That also might be negatively affecting my mental health, having to do the same thing every day with little time off. I would like to get a job that I like more, but I have no motivation and I need to be staying in this job right now because it would be hard to find another decent job. Actually, my parents are relying on me having a job because they would not be able to afford all that they are having to pay. Because we will be moving in a few months or so, they will be paying house payments, utility bills, insurance bills, money for groceries, and more for themselves, my siblings, and me since I live with them. So it is very important that I keep this job even though I'm not mentally healthy at all. So anyways, that's how my job is going right now. It's decent, but it has downsides to it.

As for my mental health, I'm still having problems. I've been feeling more anxious and stressed recently. I still have some problems with autism. But those aren't as bad as the depression I'm having. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, I can't even find motivation to play video games which is something that I like to do. How am I supposed to do something I don't want to do when I can't even do something that I want to do? I don't know. I also have problems with my feelings, I rarely feel anything positive. I mostly feel loneliness, pain, stress, and demotivation. The loneliness is getting really bad, it triggers severe bouts of depression, but the job I work often has me working alone and I don't feel like socializing because it makes me feel more lonely and stressed. I'm still taking anti-depressants, but one of them is causing me to shake really bad and I need to talk to my doctor about it. Also, I'm not seeing a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or any other doctor aside from my family doctor that I see once every other month or so, because I'm in the process of getting my insurance changed. That's the problem I'm experiencing with my mental health right now, I kinda need some help because my mental health isn't getting any better. It actually feels like it's getting worse.

That's what's going on in my life right now.

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It will get better! Have faith in that. We are always here to support you no matter what, it will get better! Keep pushing on, stay strong, and be confident. 

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