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Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky
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Alea iacta est


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Wow! The month of July has been intense!

Birthdays, weddings, planning social events! And did I mention all the birthdays?! So many people to remember while managing many other things. I’ve been feeling happy like Pinkie Pie! Even though I was informed of something rather disheartening and I guess I kinda want to vent about it here…

I’d like to write about more positive things when they happen since they certainly outweigh the negative, but when good happens I get too lost in the moments… it’s like a wave that I’m riding — no time for photos, phones or writing — just enjoying!

But this one issue has truly weighed me down and even caused me to crash into a wave and fall into the sea..

I’ve even a few art pieces I was supposed to make for some friends on here and I never finished them… (due to my being weighed down…) wilting and unmotivated… but I must push forward.

Maybe just writing it somewhere, anywhere, will help…

So, essentially, someone whom I trusted and thought very highly of … told me a falsehood. And through that falsehood a symbolically unstable tower was slowly constructed and while I did see the subtle but wavering sways… I still trusted his word that this was a sturdy foundation to build on. Perhaps some Tower of Pisa situation would result. (Yes, this was the extent of my rare trust in him, because I would have rather believed that, than appeal to the idea that  he spoke and insisted on a falsehood). Especially with his raw conviction….  
So, I carried on.

Long story short, the inevitable happened and the tower simply crumbled while falling over us. Mind you, this is symbolic, so no medical emergency was required :toldya:

I just don’t understand why that falsehood was even necessary to begin with. The simple truth would have prevented me from taking so much action to plan the gathering, include him in the event and pretty much just shine together…..

I mean, it’s no big deal now…  as a realist, I do get over things. It’s just…
It really marked me on an emotional but not logical level... and yet it’s so ridiculous to explain.. so I’ll try to be abstract…

It’s one of those things, like in childhood, where… it makes no sense in adulthood but when you have a friend who just ‘gets it’ it’s completely out of this world. And even enhances adulthood because of the hidden layers of it that are wholesome secrets between you and said friend(s)…

Unfortunately, that simply never came to be with him. Which, is acceptable, there is nothing to be done about it. What I really appreciate is honesty and bluntness. Why not simply tell me “Oh, I’m over that… I did it once and am no longer interested.“ (Yes, even a rude bluntness is favored by me, over a lie) or “Hey, I’m not really into that any more, so if you want, you can go and enjoy while I go do other things but please have fun!” Can even add “I’ll still be here for you.” Polite is always preferred but not required.

Anything would have helped… It doesn’t even have to be too blunt or rude, I would totally understand and in fact, it wouldn’t hinder me from progressing towards a healthy interest or proper expectations.

I’m a person driven by action. So, honesty is important since taking action on a falsehood is just.. risky. And stupid…

Why have me go through all of the preparations and even gather friends to form a get together and a surprise party for when the event finally took place… only… to not show up? It’s so embarrassing and made me look uncoordinated around people whom I respect…

I feel so lied to and so confused. Like, what was the purpose of that? Why deny things ever happened in order to promise me it will and then it never does? People can be so peculiar at times…

Perhaps there’s just some hidden emotional tie that he wishes to conceal? And if so, I respect that. Instead, I’ll turn within myself to figure out my own emotions…

Perhaps this is a lesson in self efficiency and how I should simply pursue what calls to my heart.

Just because we are alone in our pursuit doesn’t mean that we have to be lonely…. Even though, with meaningful company, it’s certainly enhanced and incredible…

Regardless. It’s better to be on your own than in the presence of those who may lie or askew your perception…

How this has struck me is that it thickens the barriers of trust that I was already so tired of having…

I just hope I can still be a good friend to him. I was always happy to be there during the roughest of moments and the sincerity will always thrive beyond any wounds or strikes. I wish him and myself the best from here on forward.

So, with a tiny Starry in my pocket, (Yes, dresses now have pockets!) we move onto better things. As the Latin expression goes… 

Semper ad meliora...

Edited by Silk Glamour
Updating image, thank you, Sophie <3

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It is very interesting, as you go through life. At one stage you think "I'm perfect, and I've purged all the bad actors in my life!" and then it ends up not being so, and you have to go through the same old cycle again. That is how this year has been for me. One of removing all the weeds, sometimes really big ones. But it has to be done. With many things, there is no other option. No matter what you do, something would have inevitably happened to end up the same way. It's like I was locked in to making certain decisions. 

My circle of friends has changed a lot over the years. Gone are the old Guard from high school, gone are the first groups I was apart of. Only very few (less than 3) have lasted longer than a few years. This is one of the reasons why I've largely just stayed within my own circles and not gone much beyond, since I've been lied to and betrayed more times than one can count. I feel almost numb to it by this point, and I've had to throw out someone I've known for 3 years a few months ago because of his super aggression towards me and there was no fixing it since he kept going at me for things I didn't do and things I didn't say.

With friendships to me, what I have noticed it is much like how you have a crab with it's shell. The crab's the same crab, but it changes it's shell as it grows older! Very few things remain in life, but those that remain? Are the strongest bonds of all. 

The thing that is most important for me to realize is to not have an emotional element when reacting to such circumstances. For me, it's best to feel emotionally detached. Getting emotionally invested with things all the time is like diving into a bush full of thorns, it's best to gaze at it from a distance before reaching in. To be neutral, to be between being logical and being emotional, the world is one of extremes, who is to say we have to be the same?

I enjoy wearing many faces when it suits me. The ones I truly trust see em' all, while others on the surface see only the mask I choose to project. 

One thing I've also learned is that perception and events come in many colors, some colors only you can see. Nobody else can see em', but you can, within your mind's eye.  Many people lie in this world, but many people also tell the truth. Just have to go through the weeds to get to the garden. 

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Thank you so much for your input, Solstice. I always enjoy reading your insight on things..

You're right. The shell of the crab expands and changes... but the crab remains the same, in a way. I'm okay with changes... so long as there is a precious gem that remains at the core. The gem that says "this is a true diamond and diamonds don't suddenly turn into coal or behave as such during very important moments when it needs to shine..." The feeling is so disheartening...

 

20 hours ago, -Solstice- said:

One thing I've also learned is that perception and events come in many colors, some colors only you can see. Nobody else can see em', but you can, within your mind's eye. 


Oh and how good it feels when you meet that those who see the same color as you! It just hurts when it turns out to be a falsehood... *sigh*

But maybe life is about finding people who can enhance and share different colors to expand together and make things a little more brighter. Some colors clash and make you look ugly (trust me, I've seen some fashion atrocities and have made a few of my own) so perhaps, like in fashion, it's best to simply avoid those colors and only choose to be among those who bring out your best colors and compliment them rather than clash/compete. 

Either way, I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. :rarity:
I haven't been as a available as I'd like to be but I will certainly try!

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