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Happy 4th of July and other things


Starlight Serenade

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Happy Independence day?! Today I finished 99.99% of everything due for my summer courses so I will have about a 3 week vacation until my next class which will be nice. I plan to start getting more aggressive with the job searching next week so I can already start a plan for moving out again as I am staying with my folks again at this time.

This year we didn't have anyone visit for July 4th, so it has been a quiet 4th of July at home (well other than the 1,000+ fireworks exploding outside my window), however, my folks decided to get into a large argument and I just tried my best to enjoy the food. I can't seem to enjoy time with them anymore with it always getting into an argument amongst themselves or them trying to get a rise out of me for the sake of it. It really sucks as I have tried multiple times to be nice with both of them.

I get along better with my mother and do more with her, but my father has always been an issue as I realized over time that he doesn't care about us. I could go further into this, but if I put some of the stuff that he's done, it will get really dark here quick and I don't want that. I will simply share one story that is heavily censored so you can get an understanding of just the type of person he is:

Spoiler

Context: This is a story from a few years ago when my sister was undergoing chemotherapy: There was a time where my sister was able to leave the hospital and take a mobile device that was providing her chemo that she would carry similar to a sling/waist pack. She was very weak and frail at times and could barely leave her bed, much less do anything at times. We were in her room at the house as she was resting and I needed to give her some of her medications. My mom came in with me and we were helping my sister out, when suddenly - my dad came in angry that my mom moved his shoes to another part of the house as he left them lying around and he threw coffee at my mom's face and threw the cup on the ground. We were all shocked and my mother was crying. My sister who was lying in bed, got one of her napkins, got out of bed, and quickly started cleaning my mom without a word while I was in shock that my dad did such a thing. I was irate and started yelling at him as he was laughing about what he just did and said some horrible expletives to my mother before walking off outside. He was then purposely trying to goad me into getting into a fight with him, and I wanted to get him back for what he did to my mother, but suddenly my sister was at my side, outside of her bed in her terrible condition, crying, and she told me that it wasn't worth it and thanks to her - I let it ago. They did not want to do anything to him or call the police as he's done other terrible things before too, so I felt helpless with him over the years and still tried to mend the relationship with him regardless due to what I was asked later by my sister. After I got back to my senses- I helped ensure my mom was okay and cleaned up the coffee mess, but I never forgot that moment with him.

Months later when my sister was in her final days, she asked me to "not give up on dad"  despite everything he has done to us. My sister really had a kind and compassionate soul. I really have been patient during this time and it's been so hard the past 5 years since my sister has passed away, but I kept my word. What's worse is that my dad had his stroke a year ago. I was the only one taking care of him and helping him out yet he still treated me terribly. He even told the doctor that the stroke was really nothing and downplayed everything. He took a few months off from work to recover and when we had family visiting he said he did not want to tell anyone about the stroke and acted like he was the one taking care of my mother when in fact,  I was the actual one taking care of her when she had her surgeries. He insulted her and did almost nothing to help me out as I was basically taking care of the both of them. That time really was stressful. Hes been going against doctor's orders by eating terribly the past few months and gambling almost all of his money on lotto and losing it. Then he has the gall to ask me for money which I don't give to him and the cycle of abuse starts again. It's very upsetting as my traditional thinking family tells me that I have to respect my father and to put up with his stuff, but I really can't do this anymore with him or most of them anymore. I realized over time that he's just getting worse and worse with time. He just does things to be mean now to both me and my mother with no regard to our feelings. I told him off before and so has my mother, but he still doesn't care or respect us.

I am considering planning to hopefully find another new job, save up, and leave somewhere else for good.  I don't have anywhere else to go so I have to put up with it now as I figure another situation out and finish school by December.

On another note, I recall when we moved into this house a little over 20 years ago. Things were so much different then in comparison to now and things will definitely change in the next 20 years. I want to already get started on my next adventures, but I must have a little more patience.

Anyway, thank you for hearing me out as I really need to rant after earlier tonight.

 

Edited by Starlight Serenade

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I’m sorry you’ve went through all of that with your Dad :(. Culture and society as a whole always pushes us and tells us that we should always be appreciative or respectful towards family, but that has its limits. No one should have to deal with a family member being abusive, just as you wouldn’t deal with a friend or stranger who’s being rude or abusive. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with cutting abusive family members out of your life. Especially if you’ve given them the opportunity to change and they refuse to do so. I hope you’re able to move away from him soon, no one deserves to live in a home where they feel unsafe or unwelcome.

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7 hours ago, Iforgotmybrain said:

I’m sorry you’ve went through all of that with your Dad :(. Culture and society as a whole always pushes us and tells us that we should always be appreciative or respectful towards family, but that has its limits. No one should have to deal with a family member being abusive, just as you wouldn’t deal with a friend or stranger who’s being rude or abusive. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with cutting abusive family members out of your life. Especially if you’ve given them the opportunity to change and they refuse to do so. I hope you’re able to move away from him soon, no one deserves to live in a home where they feel unsafe or unwelcome.

Thank you for your kind words as always, it means a lot.

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That is extremely complicated and delicate, having bad people in your family is something I don't wish to anyone, your place must have a very heavy aura, I really can't comment much on this given how of a strong personal experience this is and something I fortunately never went through, so only you can understand and feel how negative your situation is.

I really hope you can get out of this, if you keep working hard then it has to happen some day, hopefully in a near future.

Hope your father realizes his bad behavior and changes for good.

And my sincere condolences to your sister, I hope that since she has passed away she is having the peaceful eternal rest that her good soul deserves.

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1 hour ago, Rafa Stary said:

That is extremely complicated and delicate, having bad people in your family is something I don't wish to anyone, your place must have a very heavy aura, I really can't comment much on this given how of a strong personal experience this is and something I fortunately never went through, so only you can understand and feel how negative your situation is.

I really hope you can get out of this, if you keep working hard then it has to happen some day, hopefully in a near future.

Hope your father realizes his bad behavior and changes for good.

And my sincere condolences to your sister, I hope that since she has passed away she is having the peaceful eternal rest that her good soul deserves.

Thank you for your kind words Rafa. I have really been patient with him and tried a lot of things, I don’t know if it’s possible. I am trying to look positively towards the future. 

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