There comes a point in everyone's life that it all comes to an end. What lies beyond, no one knows. We speculate and guess and have a faith as to what it might be, but no one truly knows. When we reach a point that we would rather speed up our lives to see that side, that is when we become overly reckless. For someone like Shadow, who was overly reckless to begin with, that can lead to some serious issues.

Death brings many emotions to the surface. Members of the Royal Guard, arguably, the toughest people in Equestria, can be reduced to a blubbering mess at the loss of a comrade. For some folks it might bring out their true feelings, or lack of feelings. Some are simply sad for a time and then move on, while some never really recover from the loss.

When Shadow lost Rainbow Dash he was numb for nearly three months. The initial days were filled with more tears than many expected the hardened detective to have, but in the weeks and months that followed, Shadow seemed like a shadow of his former self.

He would drift through town almost always headed to the graveyard to sit with his wife. As if, by some twist of fate, if he didn't go every night, the stone marking her place would too be ripped away from him. Many took notice and wanted to reach out to him. Few knew him well enough to be the one to do the reaching, and fewer still knew how to penetrate the walls he had thrown up since Rainbow's death.

On one particular windy and overcast day, Shadow stood at the grave. The wind whipping around him and rustling his hair as he removed his authentic Sherlock Hooves detective hat that Dash had given him for his last birthday. He held the hat in place with one of his hooves, closing his eyes and bowing his head in a symbol of prayer.

Shadow, however, did not pray. With the death of his wife at this early age, so too had died his belief in a just and loving God. Instead, he silently played back all the memories he had. Not all of them good times but each one representing a moment in his life that he'd been able to spend with his one love.

When he heard the rustling behind him he silently wished that this would be the shadow of Death, come to take him away to wherever his Rainbow was being held. Replacing his hat on his head he turned slowly, hoping to face the face of mortality. Instead he was greeted with a southern pony's sorrowful face.

"How long have you been out here, Shadow?"

"Not long," he lied.

"You know better than to lie to me." Her eyes had an almost pleading quality as they met his own. As if begging him to tell the truth and simply talk to her. "Have you been here every day?"

"Not every day," he lied, again.

"Stop it, Shadow."

All at once, two months of contained anger at people being so worried about him came bubbling to the surface. He'd never needed to be worried about. He was always fine in the end. And since Rainbow had gone, he'd almost constantly received words those thinking about him or keeping him in their prayers. The piece of straw Applejack normally had in her mouth would be the one that broke the camel's back.

"What do you want me so say, AJ!? Do you want me to tell you I've been out here all day every day since she was taken from me!? Well, I have! Do you want me to tell you that I'm having a hard time dealing with it!? That's not too hard to see, is it!? Do you want me to tell you I'm okay and that I'm learning to live with it!? Because I'm not! Every single day I wish to trade my life for hers. I hope that it's all just been some crazy joke and she'll come waltzing in the front door laughing.

"Every day I wish for that, AJ, and every day it doesn't happen. Every day I'm not with her I lose a piece of myself. I lose some of the light she shed into my dark world. My job might be to live in the shadows but, right now, I live in darkness without her."

Shadow sighed deeply; he reveled in being able to finally get it off his chest. Tears he did not think he still had within him stained his cheeks. Slowly he opened his eyes, realizing he'd had them clinched tightly shut and instantly deflated at the sight of Applejack. She stood a half step back from before he had spoken with one leg gently rubbing the other and looking intermittently between the ground and Shadow. Yet she remained silent, as if she were really polite enough to let him continue berating her.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Shadow sighed and hung his head, feeling worse now than he had before Applejack arrived. Though he had lost his love and was suffering, he would suffer alone if not for the five friends so entwined with Rainbow's life.

"Do.. Do you want me to go?" Her voice was meek, almost matching Fluttershy's normal tone.

Shadow brought his head up quickly. Had his words really cut so deeply? He felt his heart sink even lower.

"No, AJ. I'm sorry, I really am. I just..." He paused and fought back another wave of tears; he was so tired of crying. "I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Rainbow really was the light of my world. My name might be Shadow but with her around I lived in perpetual sunlight. And without her.. My world is a much darker place, AJ."

Applejack nodded gently. "Ours too, Shadow."

Shadow could only stare at her. How selfish he had been to think he was the only one so deeply impacted by Rainbow's passing. They were far better ponies than he for remaining by his side, even in the face of his loathsome behavior, lost loved one or not.

A distant rolling thunder broke the silence between them.

"Can I walk you home, AJ?"

She nodded gently but as Shadow stepped beside her she moved to the head of Rainbow's grave. Kissing her hoof, she brought it to the stone, speaking softly. "Get some rest, girl. When I see you over there, we'll settle who's the fastest, once and for all. Even if it takes an eternity."

Shadow said nothing of her actions or words. Only giving her a subtle nod as she rejoined him and they began their trek across town.

They walked in a somewhat awkward silence. Shadow felt he had said more than enough for the day and Applejack didn't quite know what to think of his outburst and subsequent apology.

Another rumble of thunder, this one a bit closer than the first, broke their silence.

"Think we'll make it without getting drenched?" Applejack asked, hoping to feel normal, if only for a few minutes.

"We should be fine. Without Rainbow, the weather team moves a lot slower than they used to. I imagine the storm will be behind us the whole way."

The mention of Rainbow had hit both of them strangely. Shadow had meant it as a passing comment, it was wholly true statement. He simply hadn’t thought of the impact his words would have on the both of them. For several more blocks their silence returned, until Shadow abruptly asked, "Have you seen Fluttershy lately?"

Applejack shook her head slightly. "I haven't seen much of her since the funeral. I should check in on her soon.

"You say you should check on her like you're worried. Is there a reason to be worried?"

Applejack sighed. "I don't think so, but Fluttershy can be so danged hard to read some days. She's taken Rainbow's passing nearly as poorly as you. Uh.. I mean.." She stumbled over her words, backtracking and trying to spare his feelings.

"No offense taken. I'm aware of how I've been dealing with it. Not saying I'm proud of it, but, what's done is done." Shadow had barely even caught the slip. He knew she did not intend it as a strike, merely a comparison.

"Sorry. Anyway, she's been just about as scarce as you have. Rainbow was her first friend, after all. They'd known each other a long time and I reckon that Fluttershy misses her almost as much as you, Shadow."

Shadow allowed this to sink in as they closed in on the gates of the farm. Perhaps he should be the one to speak to Fluttershy. He didn't know her particularly well, but perhaps they could help each other with this loss.

Another rumble, this one not far away and quite loud, brought him back to reality.

"Do you want to come inside, Shadow? No sense getting soaked on your way home." Applejack smiled nervously. He could tell she was trying to make a connection.

Shadow glanced at the sky. "No thanks. I barely sleep as it is. No reason to keep your family up when you have work to do tomorrow."

Applejack's smile faded and she nodded. "Okay," she turned to head to the farmhouse but stopped and turned back, "Hey, Shadow.. Can I..." A mix of pride and nerves kept the question from coming out.

"Sure, AJ."

Without hesitation, Applejack embraced Shadow. She buried her face in his shoulder and just held tight. Shadow could feel the wet spots forming on his coat and held her for as long as she wished to remain.

He didn't mind. Most of the girls hadn't really had time to properly grieve and sought him for answers and counseling, as if he had any answers to give. He certainly wasn't the best person to be mindful of their feelings. The afternoon's events had proven that.

"It'll be okay, AJ. We'll be okay." Shadow hoped his words sounded more convincing to her than they did to him. Being 'okay' was a hollow concept to him at this point. He was not okay. He wasn't sure he ever would be.

Though her words were muffled he could still understand. "I just can't believe she's gone, Shadow."

"Me too."

They stood at the entrance to the farm for several long minutes before another rumble of thunder shook them and a few heavy drops of rain began to pepper the ground around them.

Applejack sighed against him and broke their embrace. The tears on her face were unmistakable but she didn't care. Shadow would be the last pony to care about tears right now.

"Go inside, Applejack. I'm going to go visit Fluttershy before I head home." Shadow silently hoped that would be a good idea but Applejack nodded as he said it.

"I think she might appreciate that. She doesn't do well with storms like this anyhow. Take care of yourself, Shadow."

"You too." Shadow turned to leave but stopped short, "Tell Apple Bloom I'll give her and the other girls a lesson on being detectives when they feel up to it." He forced himself to smirk for the first time in months. Despite the handful they could be, he liked the Cutie Mark Crusaders and he hated seeing them so saddened by Rainbow's loss. Scootaloo especially.

Applejack smiled weakly and nodded. "I think they'd like that."

Without another word the two ponies parted ways. Applejack picked up her pace to escape the rain but stopped on the front porch, watching Shadow disappear into the downpour.