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Moon Actually a Result of Werewolf Activity


Evilshy

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Astronomers and physicists alike were shocked when it was discovered that the moon is caused by werewolf transformations and not the other way around, as was often thought. This was discovered after the moon disappeared for approximately 6 hours after a large clan of dissident werewolves was wiped out by the CIA Supernatural Division.
During this time, tides were altered worldwide, leading to thousands of wrecked boats of all sizes. The tidal bulge (the water held by the gravity of the moon, responsible for the tides) dispersed, causing massive waves and major destruction along Atlantic Coasts. Experiments carried out in the LSRF Facility on Mercury confirmed that moons can be created for otherwise moonless planets when sufficient werewolves transform on the surface at similar times.

 

"We suspect the mass of the planet effects the number of transformations required to create a moon." said the lead researcher. She continued "We only had about a hundred werewolves on Mercury, and we managed to maintain a small moon for almost a day." Several shipping companies have already expressed interest in harnessing MCvW (Moon Control via Werewolves) to make ocean shipping more efficient, though it will likely be decades before such technology will be reliable.

 


One astrophysicist joked "given the causal connection we just found between werewolves and the moon, maybe the sun exists because some pagans worship it." In light of the political tensions between the Pagan Guilds, such a connection could have major ramifications if the Gathering does not go smoothly, as many analysts suspect it might not. We at the Root would like to remind all of our faithful readers that magical circles can be drawn by anybody, and instructions for several minor circles and protective rituals will be included in this month's pamphlet.

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You seriously could work for the Onion.

I was about to say the same thing! A very funny article. And it's great to see you around again, Evilshy. ^^

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Aww, thanks everybody. Yeah, I guess I'm back, thought I'd post one of my signature comedy news stories to celebrate.

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It was based on an answer I posted to a question on /r/shittyaskscience.

 

Although this is totally the kind of stuff my group would do. We had sharkmen made by a shitty biomancer. They still had gills, so they had to hold their breath when out of water. When they jump out to attack, they have D6 rounds before the have to jump back in to breathe or they start losing consciousness.

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