My older brother worked at Subway this summer. Random things would happen sometimes, and he would post them on Facebook. This is "The Collection". There's some funny stuff, so keep reading.

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*first shift at Subway*

*no one tells me that we have a new sandwich called "The Boss"*

Customer: hello there, could I get the boss?

Me: my manager is not here right now, sir.

Customer: ..wait, what? I want the boss.

Me: *nonplussed* I'm sorry sir, she's not here this evening.

Customer: I SAW THE COMMERCIAL FOR IT ON TV.

Me: *dazed and confused*

*co-worker stops laughing long enough to educate me on "The Boss."*

*day is saved. mostly.*

# truelife

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And now, a scene from the life of a Sandwich Artist:

Co-worker: *texting*

Me: *working*

Co-worker: *laughs*

Me: "What're you laughing at?"

Co-worker: "You work so hard. It's funny."

Me: "Ah. Hilarious."

Co-worker: *resumes texting*

Me: *resumes working*

[/endstory]

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Me: *making footlong sub*

Me: *cutting sub in half*

Customer: "Hey, could you cut that into four quarters?"

Me: *blinks*

Me: *blinks again*

Me: *deadpan* "How many quarters did you say?"

Customer: "Four quarters, please."

Me: "Four of them?"

Customer: *impatient* "Yes, four quarters. Please."

Me on the Inside: "HAH. GOOBER."

Me on the Outside: *cuts sub into quarters* "Have a good night, ma'am!"

[/endstory]

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Today's installment of "The Real Life of a Sandwich Artist:"

Customer: "Hey, I'm looking for a job. Do you guys drug test?"

Me: "Nah, don't wor-... wait, what?"

[/endstory]

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It's that time again. TIME TO WATCH DR. HORRIBLE'S SING-ALONG BLOG.

(That actually has nothing to do with the rest of the blog post, but somehow it seemed relevant)

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Subway snippet of the day:

Customer: "Thank you."

Me: "My pleasure."

Customer: *stares straight into my eyes* *holds gaze* "No. MY pleasure."

Me: "I, uh.. you.. what? Erm, yes. Goodbye now."

[/endstory]

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Just another day on that Subway grind:

Me: *making flatbread*

Me: "Do you want anything else?"

Customer: "That's a wrap."

Me: "LITERALLY. BAHAHAHAHA."

Customer: ". . ."

Me: "I've waited months for this moment."

Customer: "What?"

Me: "What."

[/endstory]

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Well, I thought they were funny.