Hello, friends. Today I'm going to talk to you about polar bears. Yeah, those white things that are bears and polar, yes, I'm talking about those.

So apparently a major problem is arising. These bears of questionable polarity have been swimming for long distances because of global warming. Everybody is complaining about this. Well, Harmonic is here to set the record straight.

First of all, let's get down to the fact of the matter. It's the polar bears' fault that they're drowning. In fact, Coke even had a special where they were more than willing to set Polar Bears up with enough endorsement money for them to move into the Playboy Mansion.

Although to be fair, the ads were kind of creepy.

So what are we to do? If the Polar Bears aren't even productive enough to go job hunting than it is natural that they would end up homeless. We don't hear people complaining about homeless shelters melting, so why polar ice caps (To be fair, most of the people who would complain died in mysterious accidents that may or may not be homeless shelter related)?

See? It's not so bad. It's not our fault that they don't want to live enough. Plus, if they wanted they could move into the cities and join the Olympic swimming teams of whatever country they end up in.

This could definitely hook them up to the extent that they don't need to live on those pesky chunks of floating ice.

In addition, once the polar bears are out of the way, it gives us more room for factories and oil-rigs.

So, for all intents and purposes, the melting in the arctic is for the better. Not only does it give us more room for what I'm going to be calling Arctic Fun Centers for the rest of the article, but that the rest of the uninformed world calls "Oil-Rigs". Arctic Fun Centers don't fail often enough to cause concern, because even if they do fail, if nobody gets told about it, nobody feels bad. Problem solved.

So what if it covers animals in oil? Black is the coolest color ever. I would be honored to be covered in black gold, it's the pimpingest thing since a suit made entirely out of jewel-encrusted gold. These animals are simply receiving a gesture of good will from the arctic fun centers.

The best part of Arctic Fun Centers is that they are able to extract one of the most valuable resources. Oil is valued for it's ability to teleport money from your wallet into the wallet of the Oil companies, thus it is invaluable and as much of it must be harvested as possible.

All in all, this Polar Bear situation isn't as bad as it is made out to be. People need to look at the positives instead of focusing on the negatives, at least until you run out of money to throw at oil companies.

Industry on, my friends.