In the back of my mind, I've always wanted to start a Detroit sports blog but I was lazy. My laziness upgraded to thoughtful procrastination the past week, and now it recovered to reach minimal action status. This blog will be used to share my thoughts and opinions (and venting and whining most likely) on Detroit sports as well as some University of Michigan and the occasional hot topic from other areas of sports. I'm being thoughtful to my Facebook friends so they will no longer be inundated by my rapid-fire statuses on game day. I say that now but when it's Saturday, October 6th and there's Michigan @ Purdue and Tigers @ Yankees in Game 2 of the ALDS, I'll run right back to Facebook to spout my mouth off. But at least I'm trying. Admittance is the first step to recovery even though the Detroit Lions are being enablers to my mental self-destructive madness, but I digress.
First up on the docket are those aforementioned Detroit Lions. As you may be aware, they lost again for the third week in a row, this time to the Minnesota Vikings. The offense had the imagination of a gumball machine. I'm talking old-fashioned pop a nickel in the slot, twist, and there's your boring, tasteless gumball that's better served as drywall spackle. Not like modern machines with blinking lights and a long twisty tube that delivers your gumball, or even better, one of those clear capsules with a $5 bill folded to the size of a dime only God knows how they fit it in there. The Lions offense was chewing spackle today. Running to set up the pass is a great strategy given the Lions' personnel. Yeah, and using your ear to eat ice cream is delicious and less messy too. The Lions are a passing team. Embrace it. Be it. You have arguably the BEST receiver in the game. It should not take a 17-point deficit or the second quarter, whichever comes first, to find Megatron. I could go on but then this will turn into a diatribe with a length that would make Dostoevsky blush. I'll save both my fingers and my readers' attention spans for this first entry.
Ah Lions special teams. Your performance is the equivalent of The Situation's attempt at "comedy" at the Donald Trump roast back in 2011. Everyone knew you were going to be a train wreck going into it, and you did not disappoint, but for the love of God just stand in the background and be irrelevant. Irrelevant as in we don't have to whisper your name because you're doing your job and we don't have your coach's name (Danny Crossman) trending on Twitter. Pro-tip, when a coach's name is trending on Twitter, 9 times out of 10 it is because a meltdown of some sort or an overly aggressive post-game handshake. Crossman's attempt at "special teams coaching" makes Stan Kwan look like Mike Ditka, if, you know, Mike Ditka coached special teams. If Crossman isn't sitting on the curb of the practice facility in Allen Park by week six, we might just have to onside kick every time. Can't do any worse.
The defense was not that bad. Sure Adrian Peterson a.k.a. AP shredded through the defensive line, but he did not bust out a huge run nor did he score a touchdown. No Viking scored a touchdown. The defense did what they had to do to keep the Lions in the game. Bill Bentley was victimized on a couple of pass interference calls, but it wasn't because of physical inadequacy, it was because of correctable, experience deficiency. He turns his neck three degrees to get a glimpse of the ball on those plays and there would be no penalty. I won't blame the defense this week but their mettle will be tested in week six in Philadelphia for sure.
I was going to talk Tigers, but this first post has gone long enough. Dammit Lions. Why do you have to be so infuriating and exhausting? I'll touch on the Tigers eventually. Maybe when they're popping champagne celebrating their OMG-It-Can't-Be-This-Bad-Can-It?-AL Comedy Central championship.
Like a replacement referee after week three, I'm out.