So I decided to put this here instead of posting it in Life Advice, plus this is more of a vent on my part. But as always, any aid is appreciated. What happened today was I was at school, and was on a laptop. I was rather down and apathetic, so I look up apathy and see how it can be fought. The wikipedia page was informative enough, though I saw it was linked to Aspergers syndrome. Now I am looking into getting screened for this, but I decided to look anyway. The symptoms-formal or sophisticated speech, one sided conversations, the forced, awkward, social interaction that lead to failed friendships, fast speech...hell, even the single mindedness and odd aversions to food. Every fucking problem, the source of my loneliness, the bullying, maybe even my small build and diabetes...All of it could of been because of this malfunction in my head. Something that went unnoticed for 16 years.

As I read the symptoms, I felt myself slipping, and got into a secluded area. And then I lost it. After a month of depression, my health fucking up...this was the last straw on the camels back. After some time, not sure how long I stayed there, I came out, head hung, hiding behind my hair. I moved like a zombie for the rest of the day. Still am, in a sense. I return home, and after a dump fight with my parents that hit my current weak point, what was left of my emotion drained out. In my room, away from others, of course. In a way, I'm glad it happened. This has been something that has been building up for awhile.

But now I feel more broken than ever. I just want things to get better. I want to be happy. But lately, that has been getting harder and harder to achieve. I have no urge to game, Youtube isn't funny anymore. This isn't the first time I have spiralled down this far and it will not be the last, but after so long, you just want it to be over already. When will life throw me a bone? When will things get better, and how? I don't know. For now, the hope of achieving success in art, animation, and hopefully game design is the only light I can see at the end of this tunnel. Hopefully it isn't too much farther. I grow tired of being depressed. It is starting to affect my education and attitude.

And I don't want to be a miserable prick for the rest of my life.