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Hello, I know I've written about this before, because I noticed my teeth grinding throughout the day, and I needed to vent some more about the full picture with me and my problems. Let me start by saying I've always been an extremely sensitive guy. And that's not a good thing when you're surrounded by peers who think crying and crap is gay. First wrong thing- my environment. Next, I've always tried my best to be the nicest person I can be. I've always cared for others, and helped out as much as I can for anyone. I've always had a ton of stress, before puberty and crap, always stressed out, as I remember. May I say insomnia does not help my case at all? Or the fact I'm also going through puberty changes and my own father is too awkward and unexperienced as a father to help me through. Basically, for the past 4 years my life has been nothing but me stressed, tired, alone, and confused. I won't touch too much on my father, because even though he can be a bit mad(he shoved my face into the ground, forcing me to do push-ups once because he got mad, and thought I heart my own sister horribly.), he's still my father, whether I like it or not. Now, today, my brother came up to me saying how he's tired of my crap, and me basically being a sarcastic douche to everyone. What? I have tried my absolute best to be caring, compassionate, and my older brother knows very well how emotional I am but he says this anyway!? I'm alone in my room typing this, trying to ask for some advice for anyone...I have no friends outside of this website with strangers...and every day at school I get called a freak. Every day. Freak. They don't realize it, and pretty soon, I know I'm going to break at school. Please, someone help me, someone who understands my stress(not a puberty thing, trust me.) my emotions, and my awkwardness.

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You sound alot like me. I've become quite sensitive and somewhat feminine. My ladyfriend who is in most aspects a fangirl has rubbed off on me, thus I've kinda adopted somethings that would get the response of "Gay". I tend to squee or "D'aww" whenever I see something adorable now, amongst other things. I honestly think people who think guys can't show emotion are just stupid. Guys are not heartless bastards (at least most of us), we're capable of being sad, angry, sympathetic, empathetic, and we're capable of showing it. Crying shows you have a heart, that's something I take pride in. So I'm capable of showing affection to those I care about? So what? Is expression of human emotion considered wrong these days? Because by all means, it's not; it's natural

 

I am capable of being incredibly kind, caring, and loving to those I care about, but I usually don't show it in public when I'm around lots of people, not because I feel it's wrong, but because I know people would think I'm gay or something. It's not that I'm afraid of their judgement, it's that I know they wouldn't understand and I know I don't have to show it. If a friend of my needed help I'm sure I would definitely be willing to show my caring side no matter who was around me. At least you try to be caring to everyone, I tend to keep to myself when it comes to those I'm not friends with.

 

It can be a bitch not having any real-life friends. My ladyfriend is really the only one I consider to be a true friend. And I didn't build up a serious relationship with her by telling her at school or something, I only had the courage to do it in a text, and I was sweating I was so nervous. She turned out to be sweet and silly. I had talked to her off and on before then, but we never really clicked much before then. If you can find a friend who you believe has a chance of accepting your kind and loving personality, then you should go for it. 

 

If you wanna talk, feel free to PM me :)

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