Seems making something like this was a long time coming. I have decided to make a rambling series now. Something that is far more constructive than what I did before as is feels more like an archive and it will give me something to go directly to and get my thoughts out, rather than congest the statuses with my weird stuff. We'll see how this goes.
Elite Dangerous Horizons just came out, and I was sooo excited for it. I love space, Elite Dangerous was a game that lets me live a dream of flying through space and exploring the galaxy that we live in. Awesome. Took me forever to learn it due to lack of info in the game, but I did get it eventually. Just had to have the wiki open at all times, which is not exactly a positive thing for the game. Then comes Horizons, we can now land on planets! My excitement was through the roof, but then the roof got repaired the moment I started played. There is no info given to you whatsoever when it comes to planetary landings. You are not told what you need, if you try to land and fail, you are not told what is required, and you are not told that an item that originally had a totally different purpose is now required to land on planets at all. So that was essentially 2 hours of me running into a brick wall trying to access the content I had just payed $45 for. So I became insanely frustrated, as I seem to do that in these situations, it has always been a problem. Autism can bring good things surprisingly, but it brings so many negatives too, this is one of them. I did finally know how to land, but my enthusiasm was so torn in half that I just didn't care. I will probably be more into it later but right now I am in a state of meh.
So after that, I am trying to calm down right now and keep my thoughts in check, but because of that burst of frustration, it basically killed my shields allowing ofr thoughts and anxiety to pour in, so I was feeling like I usually. Depressed, alone, frightened, and self loathing of course. All feelings that I hate, but are hard to fight. I ran out of my meds yesterday so that is definitely a contributing factor, hopefully gonna refill tomorrow. I want to keep doing what I have always done to sustain my positive feelings. Thinking of my simple joys and looking at the positives that I have in life, there are many of those, but it is so strange how difficult that becomes when fear and depression both take hold at the same time.
Hopefully these feeling s will at least lessen a bit over time tonight, as I do want to play some more games despite me being a bit tired. It is a Friday after all, so I like to keep in line to what my Fridays have always been about, getting down. Actually no, Rebecca Black gave us bad advice. Rather, I would love to just embrace my joys, and keep doing them. Nowadays it is rough.
Eh, I am just rambling. Wait, this is already a success! I know I might be retreading plenty of well worn territory here and I have a feeling many are tired of hearing about it from me, which I do apologize for that, it all just seems like a really long, near endless struggle, but at least putting my thoughts out there can help. On some other notes, Idid get some other new stuff, like a new SD card for my 3DS, which I will install tonight and I got some amazon money too, happy about that. Having so much more storage on the 3DS will be really nice as Nintendo for some reason only gave us 4GB to work with on the 'New' 3DS. I really don't get that, but this will solve that problem. Might get a new game or two for it as well. I need more virtual console titles.
And so, there is my first rambling thingy doodaa. If you read it, then I thank you and applaud you at the same time, as my rambling can be rather hard to follow sometimes. I will keep doing these, hopefully I can remember to do these instead of posting statuses that serve no purpose other than to possibly bring others down and I never want to do that.